…. although I would change the fact that she had to transform into the mainstream to get a seat at the table. What if the mainstream changed to accommodate her and she did not morph into a gatekeeper for the new “other”.
Posted in Heart matters, home, life, Motherhood/ Parenting, working
Tagged Black Panther, contact shame, deface, Feminism, motherhood, pasta recipe, prayer, recipes, sex, short stories, style, Sunday Reads, Tokyo, Urban dictionary, women and work, words we need, YouTube
Over the past couple of weeks, I have spoken to close female friends about the nature of ambition in women. In this time as well I have looked back at journals I wrote when I was in my late teens and possibly into my early twenties and that young voice was so clear about all the things that I had to achieve by a given age. It’s amazing that I did not envision life happening and how determined I was that my goals would happen when and as I planned. Years later, I somehow feel like I ticked off some of these things and yet so many others I did not. Does this mean I have sold myself out? Am I less ambitious now? What’s happening to me?
What do I know for a fact? I am still driven. I still love to excel and push myself. I enjoy making plans and looking to improve and exceed my own expectations.
- The most significant difference as I have gotten older is that I am now more pragmatic and better able to understand that life is what happens between the achievement targets.
- That comparison is the thief of joy and anytime I look at others’ accomplishments, I come off looking worse and feeling horrid about myself.
- That dreams and targets can change as I also grow and experience life. And that’s OK too.
Fill your life with women that empower you, that help you believe in your magic and aid them to believe in their own exceptional power and their incredible magic too. Women that believe in each other can survive anything. Women who believe in each other create armies that will win kingdoms and wars. Nikita Gill
Posted in books, design, home, working
Tagged Beneath the Lion's Gaze, book club, books, Chicken, church, faith, Grace Mugabe, kids, Nigeria, race, recipes, Sunday Reads, white, women and work, working
Posted in books, home, marriage, working
Tagged Ayọ̀bámi Adébáyọ̀, books, Books reading, cooking, Kenya, lentils, marriage, Ngugi wa Thiong'o, Nobel Prize, recipes, Sunday Reads, weddings. planning, women, women and work, Zeitz Mocaa
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Tagged cooking, diet, economics, eggplant, Gordon Ramsay, hospitality, kitchen, marriage, migration, motherhood, periods, Podcasts, Sunday Reads, women and work, xenophobia
I am in my favourite city, Joburg so enjoy …
How can we change this? We can start, says Dr. David, by letting boys experience their emotions, all of them, without judgment — or by offering them solutions. This means helping them learn the crucial lessons that “Emotions aren’t good or bad” and that “their emotions aren’t bigger than they are. They aren’t something to fear. (NYT
Posted in books, home, life, marriage, school, working
Tagged bringing up boys, Caine Prize, education, Feminism, gardening, labour market, marriage, marriage markets, parenting, South Africa, Sunday Reads, weddings, women and work, writing
Posted in books, home, life, working
Tagged African writing, cooking, gender, land, recipes, Serena Williams, South Africa, travel, travelling, women and work, writing
Posted in books, home, life, working
Tagged Africa, babies, books, home, Kenya, Kenyan elections, Kenyan music, music, Nairobi, Obama, race, recipes, Sunday Reads, women and work, women at work
Hillary Clinton speaking to Humans of New York (HONY) on an issue that a lot of women have to contend with in the work place, how do you get people to get past your femininity and take you seriously?
“I was taking a law school admissions test in a big classroom at Harvard. My friend and I were some of the only women in the room. I was feeling nervous. I was a senior in college. I wasn’t sure how well I’d do. And while we’re waiting for the exam to start, a group of men began to yell things like: ‘You don’t need to be here.’ And ‘There’s plenty else you can do.’ It turned into a real ‘pile on.’ One of them even said: ‘If you take my spot, I’ll get drafted, and I’ll go to Vietnam, and I’ll die.’ And they weren’t kidding around. It was intense. It got very personal. But I couldn’t respond. I couldn’t afford to get distracted because I didn’t want to mess up the test. So I just kept looking down, hoping that the proctor would walk in the room. I know that I can be perceived as aloof or cold or unemotional. But I had to learn as a young woman to control my emotions. And that’s a hard path to walk. Because you need to protect yourself, you need to keep steady, but at the same time you don’t want to seem ‘walled off.’ And sometimes I think I come across more in the ‘walled off’ arena. And if I create that perception, then I take responsibility. I don’t view myself as cold or unemotional. And neither do my friends. And neither does my family. But if that sometimes is the perception I create, then I can’t blame people for thinking that.”
Posted in design, Heart matters, life, marriage, working
Tagged baby shower, baking, books, growth, hair, marriage, motherhood, Uganda, women and work, women at work
- This article captures how a good policy intended for women can conversely benefit men.
- Tips to help one eat in moderation.
- Again this article on how African women’s bodies are fetishised and no one really cares for us. They never loved us!
- This place has been popping up quite often, should try and stop by before the cool kids monopolise it.
- For anyone looking to study for a PhD. Some valuable advice.
Posted in home, school, working
Tagged Cape Town, Feminism, healthy-living, Mulberry and Prince, PhD, study, women, women and work, work
Posted in books, design, marriage, school, working
Tagged Africa, books, cooking, economics, elections, India, parenthood, recipes, relationships, wearable tech, women and work
I love Seth Godin and look forward to his daily blogs. Below, a recent one that totally challenged my work ethic, copied word for word from his blog here.
Show your work
It’s tempting to sit in the corner and then, voila, to amaze us all with your perfect answer.
But of course, that’s not what ever works.
What works is evolving in public, with the team. Showing your work. Thinking out loud. Failing on the way to succeeding, imperfecting on your way to better than good enough.
Do people want to be stuck with the first version of the iPhone, the Ford, the Chanel dress? Do they want to read the first draft of that novel, see the rough cut of that film? Of course not.
Ship before you’re ready, because you will never be ready. Ready implies you know it’s going to work, and you can’t know that. You should ship when you’re prepared, when it’s time to show your work, but not a minute later.
The purpose isn’t to please the critics. The purpose is to make your work better.
Polish with your peers, your true fans, the market. Because when we polish together, we make better work.
I tend to wait until I have the perfect answer, or I have the perfect report/ proposal or I have prepared the perfect meal before I speak up and sometimes what is required is that you give a suggestion or you show that you are engaging with the material.
I will now ship before I am ready because unlike the common saying, I will never be ready!!
Posted in home
Tagged blanket, conception, crotcheting, Donors, education, hair, home, home decor, investment, Johannesburg, men, money, No, Sunday Reads, wealth, women and work
I had the pleasure of reading Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean In, and these are some key points she made that struck a chord with me.
Mentors select protégés based on performance and potential – excel and you will get a mentor.
Asking for input is not a sign of weakness but often the first step to finding a path forward.
- Feedback is an opinion, grounded in observations and experiences, which allows us to know what impressions we make on others. Feedback, like truth, is not absolute.
- When arguments turn into “she said/she said,” we all lose.
Ladders are limiting … jungle gyms offer a more creative exploration.
- I recommend adopting two concurrent goals: a long-term dream and an eighteen month plan.
Only one criterion matters when picking a job – fast growth.
In the medium-term what skill will I endeavour to learn? Trying to over correct is a great way to find middle ground.
Women & Work
I truly believe that the single most important career decision that a Woman makes is whether she will have a life partner and who that partner is.
- When I don’t feel confident one tactic I’ve learned is that it sometimes helps to fake it.
- Owning one’s success is key to achieving more success.
- One reason women avoid stretch assignments and new challenges is that they worry too much about whether they currently have the skills they need for a new role. This can become a self-fulfilling prophecy since so many abilities are acquired on the job.
- The months and years leading up to having children are not the time to lean back, but the critical time to lean in.
- Anyone who wants her mate to be a true partner must treat him as an equal – and equally capable- partner.
- If there is a new normal for the workplace, there is a new normal for the home too.
Every job will demand some sacrifice. The key is to avoid unnecessary sacrifice.
- Equal opportunity is not equal unless everyone receives the encouragement that makes seizing those opportunities possible.
- Gender should neither magnify nor excuse rude and dismissive treatment. We should expect professional behaviour, even kindness,from everyone. We must work harder to rise above this. The gender wars need an immediate and lasting peace. True equality will only be achieved when we all fight the stereotypes that hold us back.
All in all, this was an awesome book to read and I read it at the read it at the right time in my career. At a time when I am changing jobs, looking to be more assertive at work and take some risks as well, looking at the horizon and deciding on whether I could maybe like to settle down and what that might look like. This book is a definite must-read. I will leave you with the sad quote below:
It is a painful truth that one of the obstacles to more women gaining power has sometimes been women already in power.