Posted in design, Heart matters, life, marriage, working
Tagged baby shower, baking, books, growth, hair, marriage, motherhood, Uganda, women and work, women at work
On this day, I remember that we were all home and my dad was transfixed to the telly watching Mandela being released from prison. The thing that stuck out the most in my mind was that the telly was on during the day because that pretty much never happened at our home. Its twenty years on and as with any newly independent nation, this is when the cracks begin to show and all the hope that was felt on that day begins to evaporate a whole lot more.
I officially turn 25 in a couple of weeks and I cant wait. I declared to myself last year that the years 24 to 27 will be my ultimate best years for living and that I was gonna enjoy every single one of them and so far, so good. My sister and her nephew will be moving to town so it will be more of us over the next few years and thats so lovely.
As the title goes, its a new decade of the new Millenium, I am one person who takes advantage of the new year to make goals and if you would, resolutions and I had thought of a couple but I shall post about that later….Happy New year world:-)
Posted in home
Tagged change, growth, home, life
today i said all that i have been thinking silently about for almost a week now. today i let you know what i feel, but what, if anything, did it achieve?
not for too long
I dont want to name-and-shame the blog I have been reading the last couple of weeks BUT…its about this 25 year old chick who has been married for the past year and how she and her pals are all getting married! so its hubby this, shower the other, friend this married this day and the other one married the other one…yuck,yuck,yuck..which made me wonder! has she no single friends who arent married and what must they feel like? (il just choke myself now/ il just jump off the ledge/ il puke on the marital bliss overdose)…eek! but what do my pals and i all have in common that makes those around us just want to choke themselves or us,whichever is painless??
BIG BROTHER STARTS ON SUNDAY…hallo no life,tra la la la:-D
Two in one day? Mhhhh….
It seems that May is the month that I decide to do new things! Five years ago I stopped eating red meat this month and this last Sunday I went and cut off my hair and dyed it copper red and just for kicks had them do a shaggy thing or other! I can’t remember the last time I had short hair but it is very liberating and a key step to the new me…. Sometimes as an individual we(I) wish to make certain changes in our personal lives but so many things tend to hold us back and though we are miserable, we keep hearing what they are saying rather than the quiet little voice within us. And for me, this is the ultimate whenever I hear of the life unlived!! Which leads me to wonder, what would I do if I didn’t have to seek the approval of anyone else and all that counted was my God and I?
Monday was Africa Day and just the weekend before that I caught myself wondering what it means for us 20-somethings to be African in this day and age? What does it mean for us as women? In addition to everything else that my parents have given me over the years, the thing that I am most grateful to them about is the fact that we were brought up in another nation and totally surrounded within the peoples culture which has given me a greater appreciation of what home is and what it means to live amidst “strange” friends and acquaintances! So enjoy being African, I mean what else would we want???
I have learnt today that the devil wont always manifest in the way that we expect him to and when he does show his hand, you wont know what he is on about or what his next move. I guess its nice what the Bible says about flee from the devil rather than start to negotiate with him.
Im in a daze is what, but I think my friend might have good news like engagements and stuff, wont last till tomorrow but have to:-)
Growing up is funny.
I mean at various points in your life, certain things tend to take precedence and thats all that one can think about and then time passes and you look back at what you were so concerned about and you just want the ground to open up and swallow you whole. I look back at the diaries I kept as a thirteen year old and the only thing that saves me from mortal embarrasment is the fact that they were written in all pureness of spirit and heart. But you know what, nothing prepares you for the uncertainty that is your twenties…..it’s the most vicious thing I have known and I want out. It’s worse than adolescence and then to make it worse, everyone thinks you ‘are all grown up and don’t need them to hold your hand and then they just throw you out to the dogs to kinda make your way as you go along. The whole uncertainty only gets worse when its mirrored in your friends too. Its not bad enough that you are literally fighting the demons and barely managing to keep them under wraps but also that you get to see the same crazed look in the eyes of your peers.
I am losing pals. I don’t know what I can do about it but I know that being away this year has forced me to be less dependent on friendships that I had made over time. Not in a bad way but I was just thinking that in February when I was leaving, I didn’t want to go because I kept thinking how I would be leaving my friends and then they would move on and when or if i get back it would have changed too much but in hindsight, I am glad that I did and at the time and manner in which I left. Remaining would only have stagnated my growth and the kind of experiences I’ve had would never occur. The pain was certainly worth it.
Outside of my family, no one owes me anything in life and even they are limited in how much or what they can give me.
One year of growth can bring with it changes that may threaten retardation but this week a friend sent me a lovley reminder that i shall shamelessly copy paste below:
“Power is developed in the absence of human assistance”
“At times, people who treated you the worst were actually preparing
you for the best. (from mean employers to ex-es to family, distant
relatives etc) They stripped from you the cumbersome weights and
entanglements that hindered the birth of inner resilience. Yes, such
friends leave us feeling naked & even vulnerable but it is through
those feelings that we begin to adapt and see our survival instincts
“We gain great direction through rejection. Rejection helps us focus
on new horizons without the hindrances of wondering ‘what if?’
Against this rough canvas of rejection and the pain it produces, God
paints the greatest sunrise the world has ever seen! However,
rejection is only marvelous in the eyes of someone whose heart is
wholly trusted in the Lord.”
If my memory serves me correctly it was from Naked and Not Ashamed by Jakes. I especially like the bit about developing power in the absence of human assistance. How will you know you can cross the big road if you never attempt to do so? How will you know your deserve better than that good-for-nothing man you’re with if you don’t muster the courage to walk out the door and trust that the Lord will uphold you even as you trust Him in this? I like the fact that when you’re submitted to Gods will and removed from the feel-good sentiment that people often want to share with you for whatever reason that therein He is working. There does come a time when you just gotta step forth from them and be yourself as the Lord intended and as He would have you be!
I guess this for me is about identity more than anything else, who am I? whose am I? and what am I if I take this path? and after the results? Does taking the road not travelled make you a better person or does it detract from the unseen and as yet unknown path? It is a bit scary but this year and part of last year I am coming into my own and painful though it is, it is making me a better person and on the way, the pain that I presently experience will be replaced with pleasure and when I do look back on these years of pain, I shall be sure that these were the birthing pains that would birth ideas, love, life, deeper faith, more understanding and relationships that withstood the test of adulthood, fear, bad choices and wrong advise.
I am tired in all ways of the word imagine. The vicious cycle just begins yet again and now I’m at a loss as to how much a gal can possibly take but even then, when you remove the people who hang around the peripheries its those who pupport to be close to you that can say the meanest things and laugh about it as well and then still look you in the eye and endeavour to make meaningful conversation with you! Surely,how now?
Today is the so-called run off in Zim. God Help Africa, Bless her and keep her children safe!
This guy seems to take pretty nice pictures and well, check it out!
On Oprah jana I finally saw the former gal who later changed his sex to being a man but decided to keep his womb and all because he believes thats its a human right to procreate and then later when he got married, he found out that his new wife and mother of two kids couldnt have kids as they had taken out her womb! What coincidence now that they should decide to do IVF and he/her/it would now carry the baby! At the time of watching, she was six months pregnant- kinda makes you think doesn’t it? What sex is the carrier of the child then? what makes you male or female?
one of the few quotes in life that i have read and gone uh! was the one that in life we make choices and then they turn around and make us. of course thats its highly abridged version. the thing that first showed that enyewe im now an adult is when my folks begun to entrust me with a few decisions that i wholy and truly had to make on my own and darn the consequences really coz when things went bad, i had no one BUT me to blame for it all. sad times i tell you….
i mean on the one hand, it was exhilarating that hey! im the captain of the ship and from henceforth, its me and me purely. a few agonizing moments later and last year i found myself wishing that my mom would take me on her lap and cuddle me really and take all the “biiiiiiiig” life decisions in life for me. like when i was twelve years old you know, why couldnt i have been twelve again? just last year at the height of growing up and the quarter life crisis that being 22 turned out to be.
i KNOW for sho now that He will make straight all the valleys and smooth all the rocky areas of my life too so I can only hang onto Him and His promises to me that are yeah and amen! and beyond that is to act like the Pagans of olden times. its a new day for me and i only wish i could say to all and sundry whom i meet happy new year! i can see clearly now and finally hindsight is neither sad nor painful. only happy and refreshing…………..:-)