I have occasionally thought that of the working parents, some were better than others but today, it hit me as they say in Kiswahili kila mtu apambane na hali yake (each one to contend with their situation / bear their cross). I also read this post that chronicled how some parents are sharing their child care needs – each of us is doing what needs to be done. That is all.
So how are we sharing the responsibilities?
- We discuss calendars on Sunday evening and coordinate so we do not have clashing calendars. This is necessary because one parent works in the morning as the other does child care/ house and all those demands.
- We each took on more around the house based on interest and strengths. Having said that, I suspect as the mom I do more 😦
- Early on, we shared with our respective bosses and teams the situation at home and the impact on overall availability and deadlines.
- We regularly check in with each other because its tough for each of us, on different days and in different ways. And we need to carry each other because as I keep saying to the Mr, if we think we are hanging on by a thread now, we
cannot afford to break down or get sick.
- I/ we both dropped our house cleanliness / tidy standards because no one has time or energy to keep those up. Also, no one is visiting the other so whatever.
- Lastly and most importantly, to be easy on myself. I had some grand plans for this year, both in terms of school, work and personally but God in His sovereignty has placed me here and now. So I occasionally say to myself, chill, be easy.
Underscoring all of this is such great privilege that we both kept our jobs and work in fields that allow us to work remotely. Coupled with this is a child who has the beginnings of being resilient and who rolls with the punches given by Mama and Papa.
So how are you coping?
Husbands/ fathers/ partners are good but we all need wives.
Over the holiday I got a bit tired of listening to the same subscribed podcast content so I challenged myself to listen to shows I wouldn’t normally do or I had heard but did not want to commit to full subscription just yet. So here are some of those fantastic episodes.
- Young Love – Where should we begin by Esther Perel.
- I felt my back stand up when I first listened to her views on infidelity so I wasn’t open at all but I liked it so much I listened to this other episode on sexlessness.
- Radio Diaries’ Teenage Diariesrevisited. I love that kind of radio soooo much. I was hanging on the edge of my seat listening. Definitely subscribing. As a teen I would have loved to participate in such an activity, to be honest, even now I would.
- Other episode I loved was Thembi’s Diary.
- BBC Woman’s Hour had a phone-in on Monday on #Megxit. Hot mess.
- I love that Motherhood Sessions is back but jeez that first episode? Messy.
- Borders Between Us by The Nod stressed to me how as parents we do the best for our kids and hope.
- I have been listening to this podcast following three pregnant teens (ethics and judgment suspended) and in this episode we meet four generations of teen moms in one family. Give it a listen, it’s nothing like what you expect.
- Still Processingdiscussed Michelle Obama’s book Becoming. JUST GO AND LISTEN. IT’S GOOD.
I know it’s a lot but do yourself a favour and just listen.
Posted in books, design, good, Heart matters, home, life, madness, marriage, Motherhood/ Parenting, school, working
Tagged Becoming, Esther Perel, love, loves, Megxit, Michelle Obama, motherhood, Motherhood Sessions, Podcasts, pregnancy, Radio Diaries, Sunday Listens, Sunday Reads, teenage sex, Womans Hour
This short film challenged me to love my work and to do it to the best of my ability.
Posted in home, Motherhood/ Parenting, working
Tagged babies, belief, careers, cooking, faith, Heart matters, parenthood, parenting, Pasta, pasta recipe, recipes, Sunday Reads, women and work, work philosophy, working
I recently pinned this picture below:
- I love the fact that the work area is set up against the window, I love to work facing windows so if my mind wanders I can look at something pretty or unexpected.
- I love the storage on the left and on the top.
- It doesn’t hurt that the Mr and I could work side-by-side.
…. although I would change the fact that she had to transform into the mainstream to get a seat at the table. What if the mainstream changed to accommodate her and she did not morph into a gatekeeper for the new “other”.
Enthusiastic recommendations for reads that will provide you with abundant reasons to rejoice, reflect or recharge, as suggested by TED speakers and TED-Ed educators. If you’re searching for some calm The Peace of Wild Things: And Other Poems by Wendell Berry This little book of poetry is my current morning dose of calm, and I use…
via TED’s winter reading list: 78 feel-good books — ideas.ted.com
In case you are looking for some great reading recommendations and some great TED talks to listen to.
10 December,2018 in books, design, Heart matters, home, life, marriage, Motherhood/ Parenting, school, working
Tagged books, Books reading, lists, recommendations, TEDtalks
A condition in which someone feels compelled to constantly bring things that make them look good in casual conversation. It can be the same thing every time or a variety of things; as long as the subtle or obvious aim is to make themselves sound or look cool, it’s a flex, and if it happens all the time, it’s chronic. It’s most obvious when a detail is tossed in that is really unnecessary for any other purpose than flexing.
A variation of ghosting, in which the ghoster continues indirect contact with the ghosted by liking and faveing his or her social media content.
Posted in home, working
Tagged Being Black, food, foodies, friendship, Guns, pasta recipe, poverty, Prince Charles, race, recipes, Sunday Reads, Urban dictionary, words we need
I recently went through an exercise to define my top values in life and it made me very reflective because values are something you never think of until someone crosses it then you realise, woah! something is off here.
- My faith in God is something that I feel very strongly about and hope that people realise when they meet me. It guides my decisions, my reactions and my feelings through life. I believe in One God, the Father the Almighty, One God in Three Persons, He died and rose again and will return. That God, even when things in life go against this thinking, my prayer is I stand in my belief in God.
- Family is very important to me. Loyalty to family, love for family. Enjoying your family. My sisters are truly God’s best gift to me and if we weren’t related, I would still want to know. My folks are the bomb.com. I always say that I would pay good money to live with them for a month some where. With the Mr, the idea is to make our home a home so we both have this enabling and loving environment where we both return to and just want to dwell in and enjoy each other. As you get older and refine your circle of friends, you ostensibly end up with friends that are like family and it is important to cherish those as well and invest in them. Friendship is important.
- Serving God and fellow man is another thing of importance to me. If I do not give back to those that are less fortunate, if I am not moved by the plight of those less fortunate than me, then what I have is not worth it. Serving in Church is an expression of my faith and that must be done but I also still delight in that.
- Working hard and being my best given my constraints is important. I love to set goals and work towards them and that feeling of meeting them and sometimes even exceeding expectations is so refreshing. I am not so concerned about being the first or the best, but being my best is good enough.
- How I work hard is by being resilient. I take stock of the failure or the setbacks and then moving forward. I care about meeting my goals and not giving up when things are tough or not going as well as I expected.
- Stability and Freedom that often comes from being educated or being financially stable. Also, from having family or friends do what they say they will, when they will do it. It helps clarify life and make things much simpler for you to really perform at that optimum level. As a worker, I also find that I like the autonomy to make my own decisions and work at my own pace as opposed to being micro-managed.
- Fun and Play because you need to refresh, slow down and enjoy the successes otherwise they are useful and you do not perform at your optimum. For me this looks like reading books, listening to music, hanging with friends and family, journaling, watching telly or traveling.
What are your top values? What defines you and makes you unique?
Posted in books, Heart matters, home, marriage, school, working
Tagged about me, faith, family, friendship, heart, Heart matters, life, life lessons, values
Today I am grateful for:
- BSF and the brilliant notes they have been preparing for this years study.
- Great friends.
- Our home and all that it means to us in this season.
- My family and for WhatsApp that allows us to be in touch.
- Beautiful Johannesburg weather.
- Oranges, pawpaw and yoghurt.
- The freedom that my car provides me.
- Work and the ability to earn an income.
- A great cup of tea.
- Flavoured sparkling water.
For what are you grateful for?
Posted in Heart matters, home, working
Tagged Book of Joshua, BSF, BSF International, driving, family, food, friendship, home, Johannesburg, thanksgiving
I just read this post and the comment and felt prompted to respond with some of my own career advice.
- Think of your career as a jungle gym not a ladder and it’s OK to change your mind about your career path, your objective, it’s OK.
- Fake it till you make, most of us are.
- Find that thing that distinguishes you from everyone else on the team and perfect that.
- Show respect to everyone from the most junior to the most senior and do not compromise your personal beliefs for anyone.
- Demand respect from all the people you work with and it will follow.
- Identify the person at your level that the management loves and replicate what you can of this winning formula. Caution here though, you might not get the same feelings they do but it could help with your overall feedback and perception.
- Work is work, give it your best but don’t kill yourself for it. Unless you are self-employed, we are all replaceable.
- Listen to feedback and then decide what works best for you and work on improving that.
- Trust your instinct when it is time to move on.
- Go into each job with a specific goal or lesson that you would like to learn and then compare this with your specific career objectives or goals.
- Be the kind of senior that you wish you had at each stage of your career. Ths has meant extra work for me at times but is personally aligned to my core beliefs and so it’s also been a source of great joy.
Whatever you work at, work as unto the glory of God
What professional advice do you live by?
Posted in Heart matters, home, marriage, working
Tagged cooking, DIY, faith, ice cream, Japan, Johannesburg, marriage, recipes, Refugees, success, Sunday Reads, working, youth
Posted in books, Heart matters, home, working
Tagged books, cooking, faith, fatherhood, music, pasta recipe, recommendations, South Africa, Sunday Reads, Uganda, xenophobia
Where are you going. You cannot leave with so many pieces of me still inside you. How will I ever put myself back together again.
Posted in books, Heart matters, home, life, marriage, Motherhood/ Parenting, working
Tagged belief, faith, Heart matters, Kenyan elections, motherhood, parenting, Podcasts, recipes, recommendations, Sunday Reads, technology, travel, women at work
Posted in Heart matters, home, life, Motherhood/ Parenting, working
Tagged Black Panther, contact shame, deface, Feminism, motherhood, pasta recipe, prayer, recipes, sex, short stories, style, Sunday Reads, Tokyo, Urban dictionary, women and work, words we need, YouTube
“To all the little girls out there,
we will set fire to this world
that steals your childhoods
and stops you from being
everything you want to be,
and build you a better one from the ashes,
the kind of world that treasures you
for all your powerful capabilities.”
– Nikita Gill, Women’s March 2018
Posted in Heart matters, home, life, working
Tagged Bible, bible god, Bible Study, Chimamanda, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Christianity, faith, female friendship, flexi working, friendship, recipes, This is Us, working
This definition of her: to go from her father to her husband, to be pretty, docile – a man made tragedy. Her soul was made of larger, more powerful things, things that create or desecrate armies and galaxies. This is why when she loves she changes kingdoms, and when she hates she destroys legacies. Nikita Gill, Jasmine, A Princess That Belonged To Herself First
Posted in books, Heart matters, home, marriage, school, working
Tagged books, Books reading, Chicken, church, faith, fish, friendship, gender, marriage, new year resolutions, pasta recipe, poetry, recipes, Sunday Reads, working
Over the past couple of weeks, I have spoken to close female friends about the nature of ambition in women. In this time as well I have looked back at journals I wrote when I was in my late teens and possibly into my early twenties and that young voice was so clear about all the things that I had to achieve by a given age. It’s amazing that I did not envision life happening and how determined I was that my goals would happen when and as I planned. Years later, I somehow feel like I ticked off some of these things and yet so many others I did not. Does this mean I have sold myself out? Am I less ambitious now? What’s happening to me?
What do I know for a fact? I am still driven. I still love to excel and push myself. I enjoy making plans and looking to improve and exceed my own expectations.
- The most significant difference as I have gotten older is that I am now more pragmatic and better able to understand that life is what happens between the achievement targets.
- That comparison is the thief of joy and anytime I look at others’ accomplishments, I come off looking worse and feeling horrid about myself.
- That dreams and targets can change as I also grow and experience life. And that’s OK too.