Book Review: The Old Drift

I read The Old Drift by Namwali Serpell in February and the Too Long, Didn’t Read version is it was terrible. But these are some longer thoughts:

• The writing style did not work. It was rambly, the author did a shoddy job connecting some of the themes and drawing out the characters. There were also so many details that did not enhance the plot or characters.
• I love a multi-generational story. In fact, these are my best stories to read, and I was initially intrigued at the telling of the history of a country through the tale of a family. Weirdly, the story had too many details, but it was also a painfully slow burn. How do you successfully tell a multi-generational story? I would recommend Kintu and maybe Homegoing as successful examples.
• In this instance, magical realism as a style device was totally unsuccessful. I struggle with magical realism in general because a part of me cannot relax enough into the story to just enjoy the magical bits. In my head I am screaming, fake, lies, lies, lies … It is very telling and quite an indictment that women are still oppressed even in a magical world. Can we not think of them as totally empowered and self-actualising? I loved Wizard of the Crow, do you know any great books under this theme you could suggest?

In summary, the story did TOO MUCH and quite unsuccessfully at that and I gave it 2/5 stars.

33 Books in 2023

As I have done in the past couple of years, I present below the total number of books I read in 2023. Again, last year I was better organised as I reviewed the books immediately I read them rather than waiting for the end of the year and having to recall my feeling after reading the book. Without further ado, see the key below and the fuller list below.

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Key: *** Highly recommend ** Yeah,why not read it * nah only read it if you have nothing else (no star) i have no feelings on this book BC-Bookclub Read

1. The Summer Place: A novel – Jennifer Weiner ***
2. The Wednesday Morning Wild Swim – Jules Wake *
3. The Ladies’ Midnight Swimming Club – Faith Hogan
4. Dele weds Destiny – Tomi Obaro *** (I loved the middle part of the book but the ending felt rushed. I am probably being too generous in my rating, but I liked it).
5. Big Summer – Jennifer Weiner *** (It’s clear that the girl can write a character who forever stays in your mind).
6. The Most Likely Club – Elyssa Friedland **
7. Yours Mine Ours – Sinéad Moriarty * (NOPE.Not her finest work yet)
8. Mergers and Acquisitions – Cate Doty * (What a self-indulgent book. Absolutely NOT what I thought it would be about – the book was mis marketed).
9. The Secret keeper of Jaipur – Alka Joshi ***
10. The bullet that missed – Richard Osman ***
11. The Soulmate – Sally Hepworth *** (like cool water after a reading desert)
12. Homecoming – Kate Morton *** (Fantastic pace. The last third of the book will have you sitting on the edge of your seat.)
13. The Marriage Game – Sara Desai **
14. The Love Songs of WEB Du Bois – Honoree Fanon Jeffers (BC) *** (Fantastic and epic read. Just wow )
15. The Dating Plan – Sara Desai **
16. Someone Else’s Shoes – Jojo Moyes * (She has written better / this was a VERY slow burn that eventually got going)
17. Reservations for Six – Lindsay J. Palmer *** (Very character driven).
18. A Spell of Good thing – Ayobami Adebayo (BC) *
19. The Lake House – Kate Morton (Took too long but it was redeemed by the fact that I didn’t see the plot twist at the end coming) **
20. The Wedding Planner – Danielle Steel *** (Surprisingly good)
21. The Five-Star Weekend – Elin Hilderbrand ** (First time I read her work and couldn’t help comparing her to Jennifer Weiner- will read her other work and give her a chance. Update: I did and I will give her another chance in future.)
22. Ties that tether – Jane Igharo (BC) *
23. The Covenant of Water – Abraham Verghese *** (BEST BOOK OF 2023)
24. One Day in Summer – Shari Low
25. Sula – Toni Morrison (BC) ***
26. Forty favours the brave – Lise Carlaw and Sarah Wills ***
27. Natalie Tan’s Book of Luck and Fortune – Roselle Lim (Honestly, this book could have been a short story)
28. Kindred – Octavia Butler (BC) ***
29. The Firm – John Grisham (Reread)
30. The Exchange – John Grisham (What a con!! AVOID)
31. Traitor’s Gate – Jeffrey Archer ***
32. Darling Girls – Sally Hepworth ***
33. Hotel Nantucket – Elin Hilderbrand ***

Current Reads

1. Poverty, by America – Matthew Desmond
2. Happy Place – Emily Henry
3. Lessons in Chemistry – Bonnie Garmus

The TL: DR version

This list is always difficult to summarise so refer to the list above for the fuler details.

Best Historical Fiction: Homecoming

Best Summer Read / Chick lit:  The Summer Place and Hotel Nantucket

Best Non-fiction:  didn’t read too many But Forty favours the Brave hands down

BEST OVERALL  It’s a tie between Love Songs of WEB du Bois and The Covenant of Water

DNF

Like last year, I also kept a list of those books I started but did not finish.

1. The Parable of the Sower – Octavia Butler (BC)

What did your year of reading look like? Any firm favourites?

See my previous lists: 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018

Sunday Reads

• Ways to Lead and Love Your Wife (and Husband)
• Moving to a new city is emotional but the 20’s is the best time to do it.
• Why is learning not adapting to the current times?
• Reader’s block is a thing.
• Book recommendations for high schoolers.
• When you feel like you are wasting your life.

Recipes

• Salads Without Lettuce
• 10 Simple Tricks for Better Home-Brewed Coffee
• Easy Vegetarian Recipes
• Sometimes I work from home and it would be nice to have a variety of lunch recipes to save myself eating cereal or cheese sandwiches.
• Chicken and rice recipes, so yum

Motherhood themed books

Momfluenced Essential Labour Screaming on the Inside

The Other Mothers The Stay-at-Home Mother

59 books in 2022

As usual, I present below the total number of books I read in 2022. Last year I was better organised as I reviewed the books immediatelyI read them rather than waiting for the end of the year and having to recall my feeling after reading the book. Without further ado, see the key below and the fuller list below.

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Key: *** Highly recommend ** Yeah,why not read it * nah only read it if you have nothing else (no star) i have no feelings on this book. BC – Book Club Read

1. Royal Holiday – Jasmine Guillory ***
2. One day in Bethlehem – Jonny Steinberg **
3. Paradise – Abdulrazak Gurnah * BC
4. Mom Jeans and Other Mistakes – Alexa Martin *** (Audio)
5. The Last Gift – Abdulrazak Gurnah ( it starts very very slowly but it’s a beautiful and layered novel) *** BC
6. An American Summer: Love and Death in Chicago – Alex Kotlowitz ***
7. The Source of Self-Regard – Toni Morrison (not a light read but highly recommended and very relevant. Jeez SHE wrote) *** BC
8. The sum of small things – Elizabeth Currid-Halket ***
9. While we were dating – Jasmine Guillory *** ( Guillory never fails one)
10. The Housewives: The real story behind the real housewives- Brian Moylan * ( story had two parts and didn’t answer as much of it as I thought it would)
11. Turn a Blind Eye – Jeffrey Archer
12. Ghettoside – Jill Leovy – ** good but SLOW burn
13. Incense and sensibility – Sonali Dev * cliche upon cliche
14. The Younger Wife – Sally Hepworth ***
15. The Good Sister – *** Sally Hepworth good but SLOW burn
16. Black Cake – Charmaine Wilkerson – finished April 9th. BOOK OF THE YEAR
17. Rachel’s Holiday – Marian Keyes (reread)
18. Again, Rachel – Marian Keyes *** Marian Keyes never fails to deliver
19. An Unusual Grief – Yewande Omotoso ** BC
20. Blush – Jamie Brenner ***
21. Kololo Hill – Neema Shah **
22. Over my dead body – Jeffrey Archer
23. The No Show – Beth O’Leary ***
24. The Tobacco Wives – Adele Myers *
25. By the Book – Jasmine Guillory *** Jasmine for President
26. Sister Outsider – Audre Lorde (first time ever I read her and wow!!!) BC
27. We are not like them – Christina Pride and Jo Piazza **
28. Where the grass is green and the girls are pretty – Lauren Weisberger **
29. Girls with Bright Futures: A novel – Tracey Dobmeier & Wendy Katzman *** FANTASTIC
30. Atomic Habits – James Clear **
31. The Breakup Book Club – Wendy Wax *
32. Last Night – Mhairi McFarlane *** ( very close to home)
33. The Sex Lives of African Women – Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah ** BC
34. The Long Weekend – Gilly Macmillan *** FANTASTIC (the pace was amazing)
35. Invisible Child – Andrea Elliott *** FANTASTIC, sad but so well researched and written
36. About Us – Sinead Moriarty **
37. The Plot – Jean Hanff Korelitz *** ( slow burn but the end was amazing. Gave me Gone, Girl vybes)
38. Gilt – Jamie Brenner ***
39. Here’s The Thing – Haji Mohamed Dawjee ( Waste of my time and money) BC
40. Other People’s Husbands – Elizabeth Noble *** AMAZING
41. The Emma Project – Sonali Dev **
42. What she knew – Gilly Macmillan ***
43. The Odd Child – Gilly Macmillan *
44. When Life Gives you Lululemons – Lauren Weisberger *** (FABBBBBB)
45. Seven Letters – Sinead Moriarty **
46. The Wedding Party – Cathy Kelly *** ( All the feels)
47. Three Weddings and a Proposal – Sheila O’Flanagan *** ( All the feels)
48. Critical but stable – Angela Makholwa * BC
49. The silence of the girls – Pat Baker ***
50. Kintu – Jennifer Nansubuga Makumbi ******* LOVE LOVE LOVE BC
51. The Sandycove Supper Club – Siân O’Gorman ***
52. The Saturday Morning Park Run – Jules Wake
53. What happened to the Bennets – Lisa Scottoline **
54. Drunk in Love – Jasmine Guillory ***
55. The Lifeguards – Amanda Eyre Ward ***
56. Next In Line – Jeffrey Archer
57. Book Lovers – Emily Henry *** Started slowly, I DNF’d it then got persuaded to retry it after seeing it listed on so many best of 2022 lists and so glad I did.
58. The Seven Ages of Death: A forensic pathologists journey through life – Dr Richard Shepherd ***
59. Mad Honey – Jodi Picoult and Jennifer Finney Boylan **

DNF

This year I also kept a list of those books I started but did not finish.

1. One Two Three – Laurie Frankel
2. Long Bright River –
3. The Family Chao

TL: DR Version

Top Five Fiction – very difficult to shortlist so this is just a snap shot, look the longer list above and all the FABBBBS next to each read.

• Black Cake
• Again, Rachel
• The Younger Wife
• Girls with Bright Futures: A novel
• Book Lovers

Top Five Non-Fiction

• The Source of Self Regard
• An American Summer: Love and Death in Chicago
• Invisible Child
• The Seven Ages of Death
• Sister Outsider

See my previous lists: 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018

Sunday Reads

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• A super list of Best Books in 2022
• Talking to kids about money and saving
• A Guide To ‘The Real Housewives’ Beauty Brands (All 52 Of Them)
• 4 Ways Feminism Misunderstands Motherhood
• Keep calm and manage your emotions during the holidays
• Already feeling lighter as I won’t be spending Christmas with the in-laws but here’s how you can set up boundaries if you are.
• Do people still send Christmas cards and if so how do you display them?

Recipes

• I want to bake these cookies with the young lady.
• Fluffy Vegan Pumpkin Pancakes with Toasted Pecans
• I love me some lasagna

First time reading Audre Lorde

I recently read Audre Lorde’s Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches. I had always heard people talking about Audre Lorde, but I just never got round to picking up any of her material until now. It was quite the education; I loved it and would happily recommend anyone pick up her material. It’s not as dense as reading Toni Morrison (in that I was not checking the meaning of every tenth word) but just as sharp and piercing in her arguments.

General thoughts

1. The emerging theme from the book is how do we get free / past the chains imposed because of our race, class, gender, or sexual orientation? Which remains a valid question today despite some of her writings being over 40 years old. Yes, there have been slight shifts, but I will be honest that as I read some of her arguments, it also felt like little had also changed.
2. Her work definitely confirms that racism is the ultimate distraction.
3. Having said that, some of her writing and thoughts made me very uncomfortable especially when I applied my true north, which is the Bible and so I wasn’t fully proselytised, but it was quite informative and challenged or refined some of my thinking.

From the specific essay titled Poetry is not a Luxury I loved the idea of poetry as giving language to experiences that are unique in a living way not the sterile way that forefathers previously considered. Her later work also talks of the low barriers to entry to writing poetry compared to say a novel that requires time, space and income while everyone can write a poem, perhaps not me, but certainly most people can.

The essay Man Child: A Black Lesbian Feminist’s Response blew my mind and particularly this quote on page 74:

The strongest lesson I can teach my son is the same lesson I teach my daughter: how to be who he wishes to be for himself. And the best way I can do this is to be who I am and hope that he will learn from this not how to be me, which is not possible, but how to be himself.

Another essay that spoke to me and I felt so deeply that I read it over days and not in one sitting was Eye to Eye: Black Women, Hatred and Anger. I love how she charts the anger that women feel – the source and how it plays out across various scenarios. Having done that so well, a part of me could understand why but I also struggled to understand why Black women then turn on each other, we don’t turn that anger outwards but at each other. Throughout the chapter, you certainly feel the anger, but it is so contained and well explained. She also talks of someone grieving the death of her mother and how sad she was that no one would see and love her as her mother did – her mother felt her, saw her, and loved her in her entirety. In one breath I felt my mom’s love and hoped that my daughter always the knows the same of me. Finally, from page 66, I loved this quote:

Mothering ourselves means learning how to be both kind and demanding in the teeth of failure as well as in the face of success, and not misnaming either.

I also loved the essay, The Master’s Tools Will Never Dismantle the Master’s House.

Book Recommendation

Our Book Club read for March was Toni Morrison’s The Source of Self Regard . I was really eager to get into it because of everyone’s reaction when she passed away in 2019, there was such sadness at the loss of a great literary mind YET, I had struggled to really get into her writing. Prior to this read, I had only read God Help The Child and I quite enjoyed it.

General thoughts

• Her command of language and how she uses it to say what she says. I felt like I was in primary school turning to my dictionary for every second word but it was worth it. As a wordsmith she contorts language to do and say exactly what she needs to do and impart the feeling she needs.
• Her writing confirmed that you can’t be such an accomplished writer and not read widely. Girl reads. Widely.
• How she talks about language and what it can and can’t achieve. You feel it and you enjoy the experience of it all.
• What IS African American literature? Is it a separate thing and/or what actually defines it. Also the hoops it has to jump through to be understood or taken seriously. Gave me twice as good as them to get half of what they have vybes. But we the readers are so much richer for this because the writing is so much better.
• I enjoyed her talking about her writing process and how she thinks of it / approaches it. 

Now to some specific themes and quotes that I loved from each of them.

The Foreign / Being Foreign

• In the second essay she talks through Camara Laye’s book of how a white man would migrate back to Africa and how he prepares himself.  Even then, there is still some caucasity.
• The idea of home and how layered it is. No one knows this more than me, what is home and what makes it home?
• She refers to James Baldwin in her tribute to him as follows: “your life refuses summation … and invites contemplation.”
• Frederick Douglass talking about his grandmother, and James Baldwin talking about his father, and Simone de Beauvoir talking about her mother, these people are my access to me; they are my entrance into my own interior life. And that is so true, we understand ourselves best by looking at our families and those nearest and dearest to us.
• Writers, like water, have perfect memory. 
• But writing is not simply recollecting or reminiscing or even epiphany. It is doing, creating a narrative infused [ …] with legitimate and authentic characteristics of the culture. 

the Afro-American presence in American literature

• The so called every day life of black people is certainly lovely to live, but whoever is living it must know that each day of his “everyday” black life is a triumph of matter over mind and sentiment over common sense. And if he doesn’t know that, then he doesn’t know anything at all.  
• I simply wanted to write literature that was irrevocably, indisputably black not because its characters were, or because I was, but because it took as its creative task and sought as it’s credentials those recognised and verifiable principles of black art. 
• Others are “raced” – whites are not. Or so the conventional wisdom goes. The truth of course, is that we are all “raced”. 

Language

• … when language dies, out of carelessness, disuse, and abuse of esteem, indifference or killed by fiat, not only she herself, but all users and makers are accountable for its demise. 

Other themes, she covers but I did not get any specific quotes on, include, female empowerment, the press, money, human rights, and the artist in society, 

Best chapters 

1. Racism and Fascism
2. Home
3. Wartalk
4. The Slavebody and the blackbody
5. Hard, True and Lasting

It is not an easy read at all but certainly worth the time and energy (and dictionary checking). Get it, this is a 5* from me.

Bookish Sunday Reads

• I didn’t think this book was worth the hype but the interview was informative.
• For book club in February, we are reading two of Abdulrazak Gurnah‘s books.
• How Should Christians Think About Productivity?
• 100 bucket list books. I have only read 11 on this list.
• Some great book recommendations in this blog post and the comments.
• Some more books to look out for in 2022.
• Occasionally, I like to read short stories. Here are some if you do too 🙂

When do you get time to read?

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• Post baby, I have not been able to get back to sleeping through the night consistently so when I get up, I fire up my kindle and read and then if it’s an interesting book, I might read for another 90 – 120 minutes
• As I wait in a queue, or for an appointment. While I wait for someone.
• If the book is really good, I also will read over lunch hour.
• Certain TV shows don’t really require a lot of attention so I might read or read during the commercials or in between two episodes.
• Obviously before I sleep.

2022 Reading Goals

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• I want to read more non-fiction books this year in research fields I am interested in and those I am not.
• Co-read books with loved ones.
• Despite the successful reading year in 2021, I am hoping for quality rather than quantity of books read.

Any reading goals for the coming year?

55 Books in 2021

I began the year with no reading goal and I hoped that along the way I would read some good books and boy did I. Also, I read some duds along the way and by about September, I figured that I might hit a book a week target – this I did and surpassed slightly. Previous year lists are available here: 2018, 2019 and 2020.

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Some overall thoughts, I got into audio books for the first time and since I also read ebooks, I don’t really care how the material is presented, books are books. I got into some new Australian authors (and podcasts but that’s another post altogether). I tried to read the Women’s Prize shortlist and got through 4.25 out of 6 of them. I also read some non-fiction, sometimes for work and others just out of interest.

Key: *** Highly Recommend ** Yeah, why not read it *Nah, only read if you have nothing else (No star) I have no feelings on the book

See the chronological list below and some thoughts I had as I finished the books.

1. Sex and Vanity – Kevin Kwan *
2. Destination Wedding – Diksha Basu – **
3. Erotic Stories for Punjabi Widows: A novel – Balli Kaur Jaswal ***
4. The Unlikely Adventures of the Shergill Sisters – Balli Kaur Jaswal **
5. Dreamland – Sam Quinones ***
6. A Bollywood Affair – Sonali Dev
7. Pride and Prejudice, and other flavours – Sonali Dev **
8. The Wedding Party – Jasmine Guillory *** LOVE ALL HER WORK
9. Recipe for Persuasion- Sonali Dev **
10. The Prenup: A Love Story – Lauren Layne
11. The Windfall – Diksha Basu. HARD PASS. The book did not start, get better or finish. The only interesting side note is that she is the daughter of a superstar Economist, Kaushik Basu.
12. Talking to Strangers – Malcolm Gladwell. Look I love Malcom’s books, all of them but this is THE WORST of his books. Wouldn’t recommend it.
13. Nothing Ventured – Jeffrey Archer
14. Hidden in Plain sight – Jeffrey Archer
15. The Family Gift – Cathy Kelly
16. The Fifth Letter – Nicola Moriarty ***
17. Those Other Women – Nicola Moriarty ***
18. Becoming Men – Malose Langa ***. Possibly one of the best non-fiction reads for 2021.
19. The Perfect Mother – Aimee Molloy **
20. The Hundred Wells of Salaga – Aysha Harun Atta **
21. Grown Ups – Marian Keyes ***. LOVED IT. Therapeutic.
22. Manchester Happened – Jennifer Nansubuga Makumbi. *** Best Short Stories.
23. Eating from one Pot: dynamics of survival in poor households in South Africa – Sarah Mosoetsa ***.
24. How The One-Armed Sister Sweeps Her House – Cherie Jones*. Didn’t like or get the story. I also think it could have been a short story.
25. The Thursday Murder Club – Richard Osman ***. Lovely little read.
26. Yellow Means Stay: An Anthology of Love Stores from Africa. DO NOT READ. Problematic collection that included a paedophile’s “love” as one of these love stories. Yuck, yuck and yuck. Reached out to the editors and their response was lukewarm at best.
27. Transcendent Kingdom – Yaa Gyasi ***
28. Unsettled Ground – Claire Fuller ***. Loved it! Finished it and immediately smiled. The book starts so slowly and there is build up but you can’t quite see it. I was rooting for Jeanie all along and it was nice seeing her develop through the course of the book.
29. The Wives – Tarryn Fisher *. It’s like two books in one. First half great! The second, confused, hurried. Still not sure what actually happened at the end there.
30. That Summer – Jennifer Weiner ***. It really got under my skin in a good way.
31. Here Comes the Sun – Nicole Dennis-Benn *** This book sat in my heart really painfully. It was tragic, it felt like poverty porn, relentlessly painful.
32. Privilege: The Making of an Adolescent Elite at Saint Paul’s School – Shamus Rahman Khan *** . A serious contender for Best Non-Fiction.
33. The Weekend – Charlotte Wood ***. WOW. I did not expect to be enchanted by this book as much as I was. Please read it.
34. Good Company – Cynthia D’Aprix Sweeney ***
35. The Nest – Cynthia D’Aprix Sweeney *
36. Risen Motherhood: Gospel Hope for Everyday Moments – Emily Jensen and Laura Wifler ***
37. Love in Colour – Bolu Babalola *. This was one of those Bookstagram made me read this and it was honestly CRAP.
38. People we meet on vacation – Emily Henry ***
39. The Other Black Girl – Zakiya Dalila Harris *. I wanted to love this book but nah, I don’t get the hype.
40. The Kindest Lie – Nancy Johnson *** READ IT, JUST READ IT.
41. 491 Days – Winnie Madikizela Mandela. Another non-fiction read that was a total education for me, I realised I never understood or made up my own mind about Winnie Mandela.
42. The Rose Code – Kate Quinn ***
43. Snapped – Alexa Martin **
44. The Huntress – Kate Quinn *
45. Other Women – Cathy Kelly
46. All Gomorrahs are the Same – Thenjiwe Mswane **
47. How we get free – Keeanga-Yamahtta Taylor *
48. Apples Never Fall – Liane Moriarty *** (Definitely a top read contender)
49. Party of Two – Jasmine Guillory ***
50. The Mother In Law – Sally Hepworth ***
51. The Secrets of Midwives – Sally Hepworth *
52. The Man who Died Twice – Richard Osman
53. The Family Next Door – Sally Hepworth **
54. The Alice Network – Kate Quinn ***
55. The Evening and the Morning – Ken Follet *** WOW

TL:DR version

Top five fiction:

• The Evening and the Morning
• Manchester Happened
• Unsettled Ground
• The Weekend
• The Kindest Lie
• The Rose Code

Still being read

1. No one succeeds alone – Robert Refkin
2. The sum of small things – Elizabeth Currid-Halkett
3. Long Bright River – Liz Moore
4. Disappearing Church – Mark Sayers 

Couldn’t finish

1. No one is talking about this – Patricia Lockwood. I do not get the writing style of this book and DO NOT UNDERSTAND how it made it onto so many long and short lists. AVOID.
2. Black Buck – Mateo Askaripour. I HATED the narrator’s voice and could not get past the first ten pages.

Any books you read last year that stood out to you?

A Friday in July

From my favourite spot in the internet:

* a TV show, movie or book you’re into right now
* what you’re looking forward to
* something that’s worrying you
* a dessert you’ll never refuse
* would you rather have flight vs. invisibility?

Right now I am reading some awesome books: The Weekend, Good Company, Unsettled Ground. Nothing really good on TV right now.

I am looking forward to taking my daughter for a visit to my parents later next month.

Worried about whether we will ever get to herd immunity with such varied responses to the COVID-19 vaccine.

I will never say NO to ice cream. Nope!

I would rather have invisibility. All the conversations I will be able to listen to and places I can hang out and not worry about being seen.

What is your response to this pop quiz?

A Book on Female Friendship

Here is the blurb:

Now two friends, Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman, tell the story of their equally messy and life-affirming Big Friendship in this honest and hilarious book that chronicles their first decade in one another’s lives. As the hosts of the hit podcast Call Your Girlfriend, they’ve become known for frank and intimate conversations. In this book, they bring that energy to their own friendship—its joys and its pitfalls.

An inspiring and entertaining testament to the power of society’s most underappreciated relationship, Big Friendship will invite you to think about how your own bonds are formed, challenged, and preserved. It is a call to value your friendships in all of their complexity. Actively choose them. And, sometimes, fight for them. (less)

I read this book in August and it was amazing so get it. But I don’t want to do a review as much as talk about the one thing it made me think of.

The authors talk about a challenging period in their frendship where they were not getting on and they went for therapy together. Either in the book or in the many podcasts promoting their book I listened to they ask how people resolve conflict in a friendship and the process to get a “friend” therapist a specific type of therapist different from most other relationships.

This made me think of a troubled friendship last year that just fizzled out. We had a misunderstanding – not the first we had in the years of friendship but I suppose we are both moms of little ones now and pressed for time and sleep which probably accelerated it all. And then since then we have just ghosted each other. So this is what the book made me think of:

1. After all the many fights over the years, why was this the one that finally led to the estragement?
2. Over the years, were there many “missed” moments where we didn’t see the other and that escalated over time?
3. Could we ever move past this and if not, what would it look like to formally dissolve the friendship (especially where we have so many friends in common)?

Having thought that, I think the impasse is a resolution because in the past when I have cared, I have formally spoken about it with a friend so this is an answer of sorts.

How do you resolve conflict in you friendships?

A Bookclub of Two

The little Miss is “reading”:

I am reading this book, struggling to get into it but I really loved Beneath the Lion’s Gaze so I am sure it will be good too.

Of all the things I want to pass onto my daughter, I want her to love to read, read widely.

Sunday Listens (Podcast edition)

Over the holiday I got a bit tired of listening to the same subscribed podcast content so I challenged myself to listen to shows I wouldn’t normally do or I had heard but did not want to commit to full subscription just yet. So here are some of those fantastic episodes.

• Young Love – Where should we begin by Esther Perel.
• I felt my back stand up when I first listened to her views on infidelity so I wasn’t open at all but I liked it so much I listened to this other episode on sexlessness.
• Radio Diaries’ Teenage Diariesrevisited. I love that kind of radio soooo much. I was hanging on the edge of my seat listening. Definitely subscribing.  As a teen I would have loved to participate in such an activity, to be honest, even now I would.
• Other episode I loved was Thembi’s Diary.
• BBC Woman’s Hour had a phone-in on Monday on #Megxit. Hot mess.
• I love that Motherhood Sessions is back but jeez that first episode? Messy.
• Borders Between Us by The Nod stressed to me how as parents we do the best for our kids and hope.
• I have been listening to this podcast following three pregnant teens (ethics and judgment suspended) and in this episode we meet four generations of teen moms in one family. Give it a listen, it’s nothing like what you expect.
• Still Processingdiscussed Michelle Obama’s book Becoming. JUST GO AND LISTEN. IT’S GOOD.

I know it’s a lot but do yourself a favour and just listen.

21 books in 2019

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I read 38 books in 2018 but with the birth of my daughter I only made it to 21 last year which I am very proud of.

See the full list below.

Key: *** Highly Recommend ** Yeah, why not read it *Nah, only read if you have nothing else (No star) I have no feelings on the book

1. The Believers – Rebecca Makkai ***
2. Becoming – Michelle Obama *** I initially feared that the hype would be larger than the content of the book so I read it much later and I loved it. My only regret was by then all the book clubs had already met and discussed it.
3. The Year that Changed Everything- Cathy Kelly. First of her reads and I loved it.
4. It Started with Paris – Cathy Kelly.
5. The Storyteller- Jodi Piccoult **Do terrible deeds define us or can we be someone else with time?
6. Secrets of a happy marriage – Cathy Kelly
7. Homecoming – Cathy Kelly.
8. Dead to Me – Lesley Pearse. Love that it was about strong female friendships and personal endurance.
9. Without a Trace – Lesley Pearse
10. Just Mercy- Bryan Stevenson *** There is now a movie being made on this book, check it out.
11. A River of Stars – Vanessa Hua. What a dud, don’t bother.
12. Me and my Sisters – Sinead Moriarty
13. The Secrets Sisters Keep – Sinead Moriarty
14. Between Sisters – Cathy Kelly
15. This Child of Mine – Sinead Moriarty. Skip it at all costs, this could have been a short story or a novella at best.
16. Our Secrets and Lies – Sinead Moriarty
17. Unnatural Causes – Richard Shepherd. This helped with my morbid fascination with dead bodies.
18. The House on Willow Street – Cathy Kelly
19. I owe you one – Sophie Kinsella
20. Washington Black – Esi Edugyan. This was certainly an over hyped book, I wouldn’t recommend it.
21. Home Fire – Kamila Shamsie ***  I simply loved it, check it out.

My book of the year was The Great Believers. This book deals with the burden of being left behind to confront the memories of a sad time. Also, just how far we have come since the first days of the AIDS scourge. Please do yourself a favour and also read it.

Notable mentions were: Home Fire: A Novel and Becoming.

Books I wanted to like but just.did.not: Washington Black

How many books did you get through last year?

Sunday Reads

Source

• Traveling with baby …. we have a little trip planned later next month so. …
• I LOVED this book, please read it!!
• What Every Grandparent Needs to Tell Their Grandchildren
• I love these breastfeeding tips for new mothers.
• Making time for all the things that you need to as a parent.
• Truly the Victor dictates history

Recipes

• Dessert Recipes Starring Greek Yogurt
• Yum for these potatoes, schlurpppp!

 

Book Recommendations for the Holidays

• Brittle Books
• Kottke (also look out for the other in-text recommendations)
• Read it Forward
• NPR Book Concierge

TED’s winter reading list: 78 feel-good books — ideas.ted.com

Enthusiastic recommendations for reads that will provide you with abundant reasons to rejoice, reflect or recharge, as suggested by TED speakers and TED-Ed educators. If you’re searching for some calm The Peace of Wild Things: And Other Poems by Wendell Berry This little book of poetry is my current morning dose of calm, and I use…

via TED’s winter reading list: 78 feel-good books — ideas.ted.com

In case you are looking for some great reading recommendations and some great TED talks to listen to.