Tag Archives: love

So what did you expect?

This morning the Mr and I had a little fight. I had to take my car for a service – something that in my horror, totally feels like a dentist’s visit what with the information asymmetry, pain (actual and to the wallet) and the fact that there is a specialist whom you trust but then again, information asymmetry. At the root of the fight though is that ugly word: Expectations.

Any one about to be married, or married for a day and an hour will long have heard the mantra that expectations kill a marriage and that the counter is communicate, communicate, communicate. Our little fight had me reassessing all the different expectations that I had regarding marriage and an assessment of all other expectations I have held since our marriage started.

  1. I expected a partner that would take charge of cars and who would directly engage with mechanics and basically inform me when I needed to do any car-related changes.
  2. Ergo, any fixing of stuff around the house. I would highlight any issues and he would oversee to the fixing – whether directly or outsourced, I am ambivalent. To be honest, a lot of the technical stuff I was happy to delegate away.
  3. All newly weds are told that they need to set time for date night or else … Consequently, I too came into marriage with this (fear-driven) expectation and very early on we both figured out that given the pace of our lives it would be infeasible to designate a specific evening to always hang out. Having said that, when one of us is hectic, there is no expectation to do stuff but when things simmer down, we often hang out.
  4. My family has a habit of starting to plan for Christmas from as early as August/September. His family? Not so much. Initially this made me feel slightly helpless. Besides the family tradition, my personality is such that, you can never be too prepared OR start preparing too early. What we now try and do to incorporate both our idiosyncrasies is to have a lose discussion in September and refine it in the following months. This is certainly imperfect (according to me) but it definitely helps somewhat.
  5.  I thought that I would hate meal planning. Turns out, I love it.
  6. Sometimes as wives we expect that our husbands will become our best (female) buddy. That’s not the case and surely it’s not the reason that we fell in love to begin with. So keep your buddies and work on building a friendship with your husband too.
  7. Before the wedding I had heard of brides that often felt a bit sad after the wedding because things had gone back to “normal”. Did I feel the same way? Emphatically, NO!! After the energy and time spent planning the wedding, I was only too happy to settle for normal.

I must say these lessons are over and above learning how selfish I am, how much space and time alone I require. All of that. Marriage is certainly not the penultimate goal, neither is it my most defining relationship but I must say I have learnt a lot and it has been very fulfilling for me.

Sunday Reads

Get Lifted …. version 2

For the longest time I have wanted to try my hand at updating an old post.

A colleague gave me John Legend’s Album to listen to the other day and it just made me wonder! Its really nice  and it just made me wonder,is any of that stuff for real? That whole chick when I see you, I feel …. or what, do people really do that? Do they really feel that way about someone else? I have caught myself wondering how two people meet, fall in love and STAY that way? Isn’t that just the greatest mystery of all time- My folks have been together for 33 years and I just wonder at the resilience of that whole thing? How does that work? Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely loyal but to what end? This is why I don’t listen to R n B coz for me,it just isn’t about the beat BUT the words as well!

I wrote this post nine years ago, very single and obviously questioning the whole notion of love. It also doesn’t help that I was only 22 years old at the time.I obviously don’t have the answers but I think maturity has brought some comfort and some clarity.

Is love real? Yes, absolutely and definitely. I think at the time, I had never fallen in love or fallen for someone that loved me back, honestly and authentically which accounts for all the doubt and the skepticism.

Love is real.

Love I have come to discover is what works for two people that are committed to one another and who wish to to continue to be committed. Love is in the little things. Love is the opposite of apathy. Love is a process. Before I planned my wedding, I thought I loved my husband but then we went through the wedding planning process and moving cities and all the other countless things we have experienced together and I discovered I love him more now than 8 years ago. Love matures and love develops. Love has to be based on something or it can shrivel and die. Love glorifies God and inspires other people to also believe in God and that they could also love like that.

Love is what works for the two concerned people.

 

Weddings on my mind

See below a bunch of wedding related items I have been gazing at. Yes, I still have some wedding blogs that I religiously follow.

Not really a fan of the wings on the side but for this jumpsuit, I would do it.

Inline image 1

For some reason, the cape works and would help me overlook that slit.

 

Braid Wedding Ceremony Sign | Credit: Knot Just Pics

I just love the imagery of this board and the fact that you can make it part of your home decor as a daily reminder of your wedding.

I love this stationery!!

 

 

True Love is this …

This week’s lesson at BSF was on John 3, where Nicodemus approaches Jesus and learns that all who believe in Jesus are born again and have eternal life. Salvation is the necessary prerequisite to access the kingdom of God and eternal life. We become children of God when we receive Him, believe in our hearts and confess in our hearts that Jesus is Lord. I love the song and the lyrics below because they express this point in a beautiful way. Salvation is to be found in no other name but the Lord Jesus Christ (Acts 4: 12). There is only way to heaven, not many.

There is Love
That came for us
Humbled to a sinner’s cross
You broke my shame and sinfulness
You rose again victorious

Faithfulness none can deny
Through the storm
And through the fire
There is truth that sets me free
Jesus Christ who lives in me

You are stronger
You are stronger
Sin is broken
You have saved me
It is written
Christ is risen
Jesus You are Lord of all

No beginning and no end
You’re my hope and my defense
You came to seek and save the lost
You paid it all upon the cross

Sunday Reads

  1. A creative activity from something we all use weekly.
  2. Sometimes we are loneliest in the midst of other people.
  3. Funny but so true how we always Google an illness and walk away with the worst possible diagnosis.
  4. Very emotional read about the alternates at the Olympics – it takes such depth of character to keep going when you are so close but not quite there.
  5. How (un)romantic to talk of love and microbes.
  6. Obama’s Summer 2016 Playlist, I think I have deciphered the code message behind it.
  7. Lovely story about this dad that tried to get his daughter out of an arranged marriage.
  8. BUT, Joburg has some cool places
  9. I am astounded by the desperate measures people will take to get to a “better life. Long, but worth the read.

Sunday Reads

  1. On the importance of community in marriage.
  2. Beautiful images of women.
  3. Famous logos – before and after.
  4. Me right now
  5. This skirt seems fairly simple enough to stitch.
  6. On getting rid of all the pause/fillers we use in conversation.
  7. Love is a verb! Yep, like this!
  8. Not a fan of kale but this looks like a yummy salad and I love the dressing.
  9. All male panels in Development and 2016. Really?
  10. Desegragation and education of minorities. (NYT article)

What never to say your partner

This Hippo advert provides serious fodder for a pre-marital class. Husbands never want to hear they are nothing like your father or wives that you wish she could be more like your mom.

Hilarious ad though that captures the message adequately!

Other adverts available here and here

Book Review: Happiness is a Four Letter Word v Men of the South

Following this summary of what is currently on my to-read bookshelf I have a couple of books that I would like to review.

Happiness is a Four Letter Word – Cynthia Jele

I loved this book, it deals with two things that I am particularly passionate about: Johannesburg and female relationships.

  • The book is what would happen if Sex and the City had been cast in a cosmopolitan African city. If you would love to see that, check out the YouTube series, An African City.
  • The themes are easily recognisable: love, family, beauty, work/ career advancement, marriage, female friendships.
  • The book is a really easy read, I started on Friday at 7 and finished the next day by 12.
  • Having said that, it is definitely a conversation starter and will have you thinking deeply about some of the issues dealt with for instance, what would I tell a dear friend that was cheating on her husband because she did not exactly marry him for love? Or a friend that rekindles communication with an old ex?
  • Only concern and I guess because of my personal views, I feel like the author portrays a very negative view of (Black) relationships and someone that is not acquainted with any Black people might take it as a given that this is how our love dynamics play out. Yes it’s a novel, but their portrayal is definitely very one-sided, what happened to “normal“?
  • Would I recommend it? Definitely yes!! I actually cannot wait for the author to release a second book.

Men of the South – Zukiswa Wanner

A bit of a preliminary disclaimer is that I read this book on the back of Happiness and the after-glow it gave me.

  • The book’s main theme is love and relationships (gender dynamics, hetero- or homosexuality, family and friendships) and it definitely deals with each of these in turn.
  • The book is set in Johannesburg and Cape Town, cities that I can safely say I am familiar with which makes the reading that bit enjoyable when I can understand the physical setting.
  • The book provides an entry point to have some difficult conversations for example, being a Black homosexual in a culture where one is expected to get a wife and settle down or what if I earn more than my husband and can take care of him, should he stay home while I work?
  • However, I think it attempted to do too much in a few pages and fell short. Hence, it was not as memorable as it could possibly be. I also felt that the first person reportage was not too helpful either.
  • Overall, the book was quite predictable and I would not recommend it unless you maybe had a few hours and did not want to be wowed but wanted to tick a book off your reading list.

Rachel’s Blue – Zakes Mda

I tried to read this book and failed to get into it despite trying. In light of my recent advice on how to read more books, I am giving up and will mark this is a non-read on my part. My biggest issue I suppose is that I love it when he writes about various aspects of South African people and the setting of this book was too different for me to adjust my expectations accordingly.

 

 

 

 

Monday Pinterest Love

Below see some pins that have been getting some love on my different Pinterest boards.

Locs......:

I love their glasses first of all and then the beautiful locs styles – low maintenance but stylish!

Source

I loved the curls and the size of the locs.

source

Oh to have the patience to colour code my bookshel ...  Southern Newlywed: At Home with Emily and John:

This actually challenged me to colour coordinate my bookshelf. So beautiful!

Source

Natural Haircut Style:

I would cut my hair this short if I got bored of my locs.

Source

after a long day (2011) its national #hug day! go and hug...:

I love Nidhi’s cartoons and I love how she expresses love between herself and her husband. ❤

Source

2016 Theme Verse

Source

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him,  rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. (Colossians 2:6-7)

In the last couple of years I have started to look at a theme word and then gotten a verse for the following to keep me grounded. As 2015 drew to a close, I started to look at the last couple of years and the word that came to mind was “centred” or “rooted” as it felt like the previous years had been in some kind of flux. An alternative word was abide which always calls to mind being at peace and being deeply connected to something or someone as it were.

I love this verse above because besides so many other things it connects being established and rooted in Christ while at the same time talking of gratitude which was something else that I felt about 2015. God has been so good to me and mine in this year that I want to begin another year reminded of this and almost saying to myself to count my blessings, each and everyone of them every day.

So I look forward to a calming year with my focus on my Lord and Saviour as well as a spirit of gratitude!

Sunday Reads

  1. Interesting to read that Chartered schools do not do any better for children in more suburban areas.
  2. Planning an upcoming Cape Town city centre adventure.
  3. Cooking with sweet potatoes
  4. Celebrating love, marriage and all things in between. Also, check out their podcast, season 2 is coming up.
  5. How to help a friend going through a rough time.
  6. On meeting your biggest idol!

Some wedding dresses for brides to be

Wouldn’t do any of these but I would love to be friends with the girl that could carry them off.
Penelope-1

164A9121

Agata-1

Luisa-1 Francesca Miranda FW 2016 collection

Yes, I still check out wedding stuff from some of my old favourites.

My favourites are number 1 and 4.

Love that #1 is playful but it could also be adapted into a long, short or midi dress. I also like the polka dots on the trail and seeing it again, it could be done into a jumpsuit!

#4 has the type of neckline that I just love and indeed, my wedding dress had an illusion neckline as well.

If you any girl that would wear these dresses, send her my way 🙂

 

On Female Friendships

Source

I can easily name a handful and a half of women that I would do this with/to!!

Missing my gals (and cheers to discovering a new comic).

22. On relationships, what I know to date

“I met John in India while studying in a Hindi language program. He did all sorts of exciting things. He was from San Francisco and worked for all these super lefty politicians. In his twenties, he pretended to be a teenager so he could go back to high school and write an article about it. He did philanthropic work in African rain forests. Life with him was like a long vacation. Every day was an adventure. He’d literally wake up every morning and say: ‘Today’s an adventure.’ We dated for nine years. But he didn’t want to get married. He didn’t want to have kids. And even though he wanted to save humanity on a macro scale, he just wasn’t that warm. I never felt like I could come home in a way. So eventually I ended it. I met my current husband online. He was ‘all in’ from the very beginning. He doesn’t live in a rainforest, but he feels like home. If my sister sends me a picture of my niece wearing huge sunglasses, he doesn’t roll his eyes. He laughs even harder than I do.” Source

Last evening I was speaking to my high school pals and we got talking relationships. In particular, one of the ladies was talking about a friend at University that dated this guy for three/four years and then then she called things off because he just wasn’t ambitious enough for her liking. Fast forward to three years later and his bit jobs have gotten him loads of recognition and he is now doing that much better than when they were together.

What I know?

  1. Sometimes you can be with a great guy, but he is not good for you but could definitely be great for someone else. And that’s OK. The guy in the HONY story sounded great, but he was not good for her and she has much better now.

  2. Also, someone can be great for you but the timing is off and you break up only to pick up the pieces years later and get on and your relationship advances.

  3. You can always see if your partner has potential – I believe that certain traits that are indicators of success or stability (emotional and mental, included) can be determined in the course of dating.

  4. In a bad situation, no external person can tell us what to do. We may get advice but at the end, the decision to stay or not must come from the individual.

  5. Slight contradiction to four above, I still tell people if something is off. My personal motto is better a broken engagement than a broken marriage. So I ask and I prod and heartily welcome it from my friends.

What I know for a fact is that relationships are not linear and they do not develop in this way at all.

They take time.

They are nuanced.

They vary from pair to pair and time to time.

And that is even in a committed relationship, people change as do the couple’s needs and it is important to be frank about these and keep re-committing or choosing to stay put.

21. Love and some artwork that captures it

I love this lady’s artwork – Nidhi Chanani and have shared about that previously. I love her work because it reminds me of the Mr and all the stuff that makes us meaningful so enjoy these pics. Her work is available here.

We Dream #illustration #print #love #hope #couple #nidhiart:

So carefree …

after a long day (2011) its national #hug day! go and hug...:

Nothing a hug can’t fix 

Recent love-inspired illustrations - I am super comfortable with...:

I would rather be caught in the rain with you

Enjoy and let your loved one know you love them, today, tomorrow, always ❤

10. Interviewing an 11-year old

As a follow up to this interview with my 9-year old nephew, enjoy!

What’s the best thing about your life right now?

Having family because what would you do without family? (totally unprompted; also he now has two direct cousins – my sister has a nephew and a niece)

What don’t you like about your life right now?

Getting too many responsibilities Sad smile 

What are you most looking forward to learning in the upcoming year?

How to be an awesome soccer player (He is currently the captain of the B-Soccer team)

Describe yourself in three words

Kind, loving, naughty, funny, short-tempered

In ten years I will be …

21 years old. At University, studying to be a pilot, doing FUN stuff

Most important friendship trait? They must be awesome and loyal.

Favourite Activities

Swimming, Soccer, playing PSP, Amazing race, Ice cream, Reading (but not his favourite)

Favourite Food Spaghetti and meat balls/ mince meat

Favourite Colour Green, Blue

Favourite Book Diary of a Wimpy Kid

Favourite PSP Game Naruto Ultimate Ninjas and Heroes II: The Phantom Fortress

Favourite Movie Star Wars I

Favourite Song Mama I made it Casper Nyovest; Classic Man – Jidenna

Favourite Artist Chris Brown

Favourite Footballer Pique– Barcelona

Why is the sky blue?

It is a reflection of the sea (apparently this question gauges maturity)

What do you know how to do that you can teach to others?

Being a good centre defender and how to kick the ball far.

If you could be a sound, what would it be?

Music – rap.

What is the funniest thing that has happened to you in the past week.

Walking by the pool with my eyes closed and falling into the pool with a shirt and my swimming trunks. (Horrified mother walked past and warned him against this behaviour)

If you could choose a new name for yourself, what would it be, and why?

Max. It sounds cool.

How would you change the world if you could?

Every child would be born with a Play Station

Enjoy xoxo

3. (Hair and Dress) Pins that receive love on my Pinterest

I am not really big on Pinterest but occasionally, I pin stuff and get a lotta love for that. So below, some recent loves and the reason I pinned them in the first place.

Joli:

I don’t really like the high low fashion but I love how she styled the high-low skirt and the pairing of the loud print on the skirt with the other colours 🙂

joli:

I remember I considered this dress as one of the traditional dresses at my wedding. I don’t know, I love the lace detail. It was simple but the fish net detail would have made it appear more glamorous.

colorusbeautiful:Love this pic of @neen___! She’s so pretty! And...:

I am enjoying having my locs down and curly so I love the option to hold it up into a messy bun with a fringe 🙂 I really liked her make up and how her eyes just pop!

naturalhairdaily:  Love this! @tokendreadgirl  #naturalhair...:

I love the curls. There was something loud about this look that just seemed to work – different from how I would do myself up but its beautiful and it works.

And this Baby bonus ….

Photo:

She seems so confident and bigger than her little self. Reminds me of a little girl I know that is so girly …. ❤

Sunday reads

Hope you have a blessed and restful Sunday, enjoy your reads!

  1. iPad Apps for the Kitchen
  2. A good story coming out of Africa
  3. Some lovely tips for dyeing natural hair. 
  4. Boo to gender stereotypes but I also believe in traditional roles for wives and husbands 😦
  5. A recipe I tried and definitely loved past week that had very good results – Zuccini Cake.
  6. A feel good story that we all always need to hear every so often!
  7. Beautiful natural hair looks to rock for weddings and other formal occasions
  8. I love this couple. Viva!!!
  9. An easy ricotta gelato recipe if you are interested to try
 

Protected: A little dare I participated in recently

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: