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Sunday Reads

Fill your life with women that empower you, that help you believe in your magic and aid them to believe in their own exceptional power and their incredible magic too. Women that believe in each other can survive anything. Women who believe in each other create armies that will win kingdoms and wars. Nikita Gill

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Sunday Posts

There’s a crescendo of voices saying, ‘If you don’t do X or Y, you’re doing it wrong,’” Monk says. The result is “a kind of over-preciousness about motherhood. It’s obsessive, and it’s amplified by the Internet and social media.” 

Sunday Reads

 

Recipe-related Sunday Reads

Tamar Has Filed For Divorce!

#TAMAR

Pupil of Love

I guess we all seen this one coming. Tamar Braxton, 40, has filed for divorce from her hubby Vincent Herbert of nine years. The two share one child together.

The younger sister of Toni Braxton and one of the stars of their family reality show The Braxtons filed on Tuesday according to TMZ.

This comes after the talented songstress said she is making her current album, Bluebird of Happiness, her last album to save her marriage. Looks like she decided to drop Hubert instead of her music career after all.


 There are a lot of things that I want to do, and a lot of things that are in the works,” she said. “There’s a lot of things that are going on in my relationship and me being close to this music industry, and whatever I can do to eliminate all of the stress and problems off of my…

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When Your Partner Wants to Have a Baby But You Don’t: The Case of #JeannieMai and Why I Saw Her Divorce Coming

This is a really tough but indicative of the fact that people in marriages change and the best way to deal with it is to change together.

Simone Samuels

Update: Jeannie mentioned this post on her show!

I went out on a date (go me!!) but came home to news more shocking than my love life:

Jeannie Mai is getting a divorce.

Now, I don’t know Jeannie Mai and I’m not her publicist and she has never confided to me the reasons for her breakup (although, hopefully, one day, God willing, she and I will become friends and we’ll be tight like that, because I absolutely love her), but I immediately suspected what had to be one of — if not the major issue — in her marriage that caused this split:

She doesn’t want kids, but her husband, Freddy, does.

About five months ago, I was watching an episode of “The Real” where Jeannie broke down and (once again) shared the biggest difficulty in her marriage (this episode is from May 2017):

While the episode above seems…

View original post 943 more words

Dinner is Served

While I was on the plant based diet, I totally could not justify eating pasta so this week I have such a craving for pasta and want to cook some later in the week.

BUTTERNUT SQUASH WALNUT & SAGE PASTA

Butternut Squash, Walnut and Sage Pasta / @loveandlemons #glutenfree

Serves  2
Ingredients
  • 2 cups cubed butternut squash
  • 1 tablespoon olive oil
  • 1 tablespoon butter (or vegan butter or more olive oil)
  • 1 small shallot, sliced
  • ¼ cup chopped sage leaves
  • ¼ cup chopped walnuts
  • ½ cup cooked chickpeas
  • 1-2 cloves of garlic, finely chopped
  • big squeeze of lemon
  • splash of balsamic vinegar
  • 4-6 oz. spaghetti or linguine (& save some pasta water)
  • a few handfuls of chopped spinach (or kale or chard)
  • ½ cup chopped parsley
  • grated pecorino cheese, optional, to taste
  • salt & pepper
Instructions
  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Roast butternut squash cubes with a little olive oil, salt and pepper for about 20 minutes or until they’re soft and mostly cooked through. Remove from the oven and set aside.
  2. Cook pasta in salty water until al dente and reserve at least 1 cup of the starchy pasta water.
  3. Meanwhile, heat a medium skillet over medium heat. Add the olive oil and butter, then add the shallot and cook until translucent. Add the chopped sage and cook for another 30 seconds, then add the walnuts, chickpeas, butternut squash cubes, garlic, salt and pepper. Cook until the chickpeas and squash brown a bit (but before the garlic burns).
  4. Add a big squeeze of lemon and a good splash of balsamic and stir.
  5. Add the cooked pasta and spinach. Use tongs to gently toss the pasta with everything in the pan allowing the greens to wilt. Add pasta water to help loosen it (I used about ¼ cup).
  6. Add some grated pecorino at this step if you wish.
  7. Remove from heat, then stir in the chopped parsley.
  8. Taste and adjust seasonings and serve with extra grated cheese.
Notes
Make this vegan by skipping the butter (or use vegan butter) and omit cheese. Make this gluten free by using gluten free pasta.

Sunday Reads

“Silence is often a woman-flavoured thing. It is guilty of holding countless women’s names and voices hostage inside of its spine and its ribcage.” Nikita Gill 

 

Some Recent Pins

More views of the bun ❤️ #teamnatural #teamnatural_#teamnaturalhair#naturalhairstylist#naturalhair#naturalhairsalon#dmvstylist#dmvhairstylist#iamlocd#voiceofhair#loclivin#locs#locstyles#locstylesforwomen#hairbyrelle#teamnaturalhair #naturallyshesdope#locbun

Love the style but I keep thinking of the strain on the hairline and the overall weight.

@caxshe

I love her ear rings and her overall attitude

A ‘Joyful House’ on Geelong’s Outskirts

Such a dreamy bathroom 

 

 

You and I Always and Again

A friend sent me this article earlier today and it provided me with another answer to the type of love that we have. In particular when I saw this quote:

I know I am not owed love. I also wonder sometimes if I don’t know what love actually feels like, since so many grown men have told me it’s been missing from our relationships. (One came back a year later and said, “Oh wow, I did not realize that I loved you when we dated, I am so sorry.”)

In response I would say that our love is secure and I know that I am loved for who I am and in all different versions of myself, the best and the not so great. 

I Knew I was Married When …

  1. Definitely when we unpacked our wedding gifts and as we reminisced about the little parts of the wedding.
  2. I went back to living with my sister and nephew and something was missing and I knew it was the Mr.
  3. My family would ask whether I had checked with the Mr before doing …
  4. His aunts would thank me for all sorts of things.
  5. His family would ask after me when he went for family stuff solo.
  6. It just made sense to clarify our plans before committing us socially.
  7. We hosted our first set of people at our first place.

Some days are better than others but most times I do feel married and I can’t even say what it is that makes it more than just when we were dating.

 

Book Review: Who Will Catch Us As We Fall

Against the backdrop of the political shenanigans in Kenya, I read this very interesting book on Kenya by a Kenyan Indian author.

About the Book.
Haunted by a past that has kept her from Nairobi for over three years, Leena returns home to discover her family unchanged: her father is still a staunch patriot dreaming of a better country; her mother is still unwilling or unable to let go of the past; and her brother spends his days provoking the establishment as a political activist. When Leena meets a local Kikuyu artist whose past is linked to her own, the two begin a secret affair—one that forces Leena to again question her place in a country she once called home.

 

Interlinked with Leena’s story is that of Jeffery: a corrupt policeman burdened with his own angers and regrets, and whose questionable actions have unexpected and catastrophic consequences for those closest to him. Who Will Catch Us As We Fall is an epic look at the politics and people of Kenya.

So my general thoughts:

  • The book had quite a slow start, I mean you could tell she is hinting at something that happened in the past but she wasn’t going to give away anything quite so quickly.
  • I thought it was a good attempt for the author to include Kiswahili phrases but it probably needed an editor who also spoke Kiswahili as in the absence of that the book had basic editorial mistakes like the police moto: Utumishi kwa wote, not utamishi kwa wote; Jogoo House not Jogo House.
  • I thought that the city of Nairobi could have been more prominent unless the narrow lens through which it was presented was necessary to present how insular the Indian community in Kenya is?

The book had a few major themes that were particularly meaningful to me.

Race/ Tribe

  • Love that she talks about the race/tribe relations between Indians and Africans in Kenya. How there is a sense of mistrust and almost antagonistic hate or resentment. This was best played out by the employer – employee relations by the Indian mama and her Kikuyu/ African maid.
  • I thought the discussion between Jai and Ivy at the SONU meeting about what makes a Kenyan Kenyan quite insightful. It made me wonder whether by the same reckoning I would be classified as one because though by birth and upbringing I am one, then again, am I actually one? Will Indians ever be viewed as Kenyan?
  • My surprise at Jai choosing to study at UoN instead of going to England which as the mom confirms is the better option and generally the done thing among this sub population.
  • It was interesting to read about Pio Gama Pinto because he is one person who history has not represented very well even all these years later.

Gender

  • Jai could play outside but Leena couldn’t.
  • Jeffrey just “took over” his friends wife like she was a spare item and no one questioned that.
  • Also the fact that the wife just rolled over and adjusted to this new reality.

Power

  • The dynamics between a maid and her employer were very startling and playing into the perception of race and/or tribe in the book is the difference in treatment for a maid between a white and Indian employer.
  • Jeffrey wielded significant power and that was how over time he was able to become as corrupt as he was.
  • Who really ran the home between Jai’s parents, the mom or the dad?

Home

  • Leena’s characterisation of being in Nairobi vs being in London and how one can reimagine / build it up into something bigger than it really is. (p. 335)
  • I loved the following quotes that best typified Nairobi.

“I love this country but I must accept it for what it is. A place where thieves are celebrated and good men die unremarkable deaths.” (p. 357)

“Nairobi is a sly town. It is so small that run-ins with people one is trying to avoid are a common occurrence, yet it is segmented enough to keep two searching individuals apart. (p. 384)

Not as ambitious as Dust but for a contemporary book, it was a great effort and I would certainly recommend it to anyone.

Sunday Reads

What Home Feels Like

How Old Do You Feel?

So while in truth I am 32 years, I hardly ever feel that way. I suppose in so many ways I have age dissonance in that, that’s the number I put down but hardly do I look at myself and think, there she is that 32 year old, nah, nope, never. So how old do I feel? Well, I have three secret inner ages.

12

At this age, I fell in love with Nairobi. I was also deemed old enough to commute to the Library and church and back home unaccompanied. I also loved taking matatus (public service vehicles) and would delight in selecting the hottest one with the best music or the coolest people. I enjoyed feeling like a grown up even in this really small way.

16

At this age, I felt grown. School got tough but I managed to draw on my inner strength and focus. By this point I had chosen subjects that would pretty much determine what I studied at University and essentially my career. Now I know many people didn’t take it that seriously but I certainly did and saw each of those decisions as a major cog in the life wheel. I also remember the clarity I felt around these decisions, I was so bold and didn’t even for a second second guess myself or my abilities.

21

I literally felt like I was on top of the world. I had completed my undergrad and felt like the world was my oyster. I jokingly say, I should have rewarded myself with motherhood because thought I was single, this was the only time I felt the need to bear an heiress 🙂 But I felt young enough to be optimistic and experienced enough to have something under my belt.

In truth though, we have friends who have one or two kids, some who are divorced, others have faced miscarriages – all things that I think of as being done by big people. We have gotten married, changed jobs, moved cities and all that but somehow that’s another person not me. Do you sometimes feel that way or is your life aligned to your actual age?

 

 

 

 

Thoughts on a TV Show

My sister recently made a comment about how I watch a lot of reality TV and initially I was taken aback but then I realised that she is right. So I decided not to edit myself and blog about Becoming Mrs Jones as it plays on Vuzu Amp.

  • As I am not really a fan of Minnie Dlamini so I am largely indifferent and it will just be thoughts as they occur to me but firstly, I am not sure that we need this show – she says its a chance for her to take control of her story but I am just not convinced.
  • Sweet touch to include her parents and let us know some of the background / growing up story. They are a very good looking family.
  • As a foreigner, it’s always interesting to hear about people’s traditional practices – whether I agree with them or not.
  • I don’t really like that she is seated so close to the camera talking – I suppose the ideas is to make it intimate but I don’t think it is flattering for her.
  • ASIDE: So glad that we got married how we did because weddings now are such a big deal. There seems to be pressure to have the engagement filmed, then a larger than life engagement party topped by an even bigger wedding. Wowza!!
  • I actually love her engagement ring. It’s gorgeous.
  •  Waiting to see the interaction between Mr and Mrs and I didn’t necessarily get that. The closest was them talking in the car but even then, it felt somewhat inauthentic. But, I still get their vybe and you cannot deny that they are a beautiful couple.
  • It was a nice touch for her to take her mom and mom-in-law to the dress fitting. My wedding was so dramatic but in hindsight, I wish I had thought of getting my mom-in-law somehow involved.
  • Watching her try on her dress, I was struck by the places I went to that made you take off your make up lest you make their dresses dirty. Clearly they were dodge places that I went to.
  • Well scratch the bit about no interaction between them, I liked the fight before the surprise because y’all weddings are stressful.
  • #TEAMFEMALEFRIENDSHIPS
  • I like her philosphoy regarding how great their bridal party needed to look. We also felt the same way and insisted that each of them aim to look stunning and they certainly did.

Did you watch it? What did you think?

My City is Better than Yours

When I moved to Cape Town, I did not expect to like, or GASP love it, as much as I did Johannesburg. Two years on, I feel like I am cheating on my first love but here goes a list of things I love about the city.

  • Franschhoek and the annual literary festival
  • The Book Lounge
  • The Mountain View
  • Camps Bay – I don’t do this often because it gets touristy and it’s a big contrast to the daily inequality but occasionally, I do note its’ beauty and appreciate that.
  • Wine Farms
  • Unstuffy Markets – Mojo Market, Old Biscuit Mill and Oranjezicht. For some reason in Joburg, peeople need to dress up and then get to markets and look like they just walk up like that, URGGGH!!
  • An Evening BSF Class
  • The Promenade
  • Being able to walk around to most places
  • A main street that means not having to get into a mall unless you want to, Yay!!!
  • Off-street Parking
  • Kalk Bay
  • A gorgeous CBD
  • Love the pace of drivers and their general chill
  • It’s a very outdoors and family-oriented place

Some local food loves and hates

I have previously spoken of both positive and negative impressions of South Africa. Recently, I caught myself thinking of some local meals that I really enjoy, namely:

  • Milktart
  • Rooibos tea
  • Malva Pudding
  • Dumpling
  • Chakalaka
  • Amagwinya (Fat Cakes / Vetkoekes)
  • Snoek fish

Equally, you could miss me with:

  • Chicken feet
  • Biltong
  • Boerewors
  • Peppermint Crisp tart
  • Bobotie
Pictures and a fuller description available here.

Podcast Love

I have spoken about podcasts and how much I love them here so many times before. Here are some of my favourites and as an added bonus recent episodes I have listened to that I just loved (please click on the image to get the episode that I loved).

Ear hustle

Hidden Brain

Fresh Air

CYG

 

Sunday Reads

Internaive

The state of ignorance towards popular internet memes; the description of a person who does not recognise 90% of internet jokes. origins: internet + naive

 

Would you Rather?

Just as my nephew did I would also like to answer the following questions.

  • Travel for one week to a foreign country OR travel round your country for four weeks?  Travel round my country and discover all the length and breadth of it.
  • Be the best player in a team that always loses OR the worst player in the team that always wins? Because I care for personal growth and development, I would rather be the best player in the worst team. 
  • Not be allowed to eat your favourite five foods for an entire year OR be allowed to eat only your favourite five foods for an entire year? Eat my favourite five foods daily for a year.
  • Get to take a shower every day in cold water OR shower once a week in hot water? I honestly would rather once a week in hot water, for some reason when I shower in cold water I don’t feel clean.
  • Be given R 1000 right now OR R 50 monthly for the rest of your life? R50 for the rest of my life.

And what about you?