Talking of love yesterday made me reflect on the type of love I have with my Mr and why it is the perfect love for me/us.
Very early on when we were dating we had a discussion and decided that while we felt we could marry each other we probably needed a longer dating period to confirm this decision. So each year since then, we would discuss whether we were both committed to continuing with each other. Even now on our anniversary dinner, we still ask each other this question as well as reflecting on the past year and dreams for the next.
More than this though was the fact that very early on, he was very clear in his intentions but he also went out of his way to accompany his words with actions. And this meant so much to me especially given the last two people I had liked who couldn’t be bothered with decency. So, our love is thoughtful, not about fireworks but stability – which I have learnt is a value that means so much to me – but it is true to both our characters.
How would you describe your love?
- We unpacked our wedding gifts and as we reminisced about the little parts of the wedding.
- I went back to living with my sister and nephew and something was missing and I knew it was the Mr.
- My family would ask whether I had checked with the Mr before doing …
- His aunts would thank me for all sorts of things.
- His family would ask after me when he went for family stuff solo.
- It just made sense to clarify our plans before committing us socially.
- We hosted our first set of people at our first place.
Some days are better than others but most times I do feel married and I can’t even say what it is that makes it more than just when we were dating.
Posted in Heart matters, home, marriage
Tagged about us, being married, dating, Expectations, family, growing up., growth, life, life lessons, love, marriage, relationships
This is a working list that I will probably keep editing and referring to.
- Dinner Date at Home
- Series / movies marathon – Our favourite Series are: Modern Family, Empire, Scandal, Suits.
- Go on walks around your neighbourhood.
- Explore the restaurants in your local neighbourhood.
- Massages at home and professionally.
- Learn a new hobby or activity together.
- Play board games.
- Talk through stuff both the profound and the simple things. Talk.
What do you and your loved one enjoying doing together?
Happy Sunday and here are some reads to get into your morning coffee.
- On childlessness and more importantly why we never track the number of mean that elect not to have babies.
- How many of these have you read? Me only four!
- Always fascinating to read about the glorified world of interns or assistants.
- Yellow Fever is making quite the waves. Watch and Read
- On Dating and Apps in the African context
- Monica has paid her dues and needs to be released.
The positive voices, when there are enough of them, keep abusive ones from spreading, just as a mostly vaccinated population protects those few people who are not. Together, we have the power to protect the most vulnerable among us
Despite doing pre-marital counselling, I love how Ann Patchet speaks of marriage, the very commitment and what it means to her. Please listen here. Below are some of the salient points from the podcast.
- How much love her husband had for her following their marriage compared to when they were dating (for 11 years). I did not cohabit and so I cannot compare, but I firmly believe this to be true because being married does change things and opens you up to a vulnerable and committed love.
- She also speaks of the different expectations or roles that a girlfriend has versus a wife. This had quite the impact on her decision to remarry when her partner fell ill and she knew that she could only deal with it or support him as wife.
- On joining their accounts and what it signaled for their relationship. Couples deal differently with finances and there is no unique solution, only that both parties should feel comfortable and secure in their decision.
- Getting married for the right reason. This matters because it led her to marry the first guy at 24 despite misgivings and then at 41, she was willing to get married for other reasons altogether. All it says to me, there isn’t a single reason for or against, but a conscious decision to act or not.
- She talks about how motherhood and how she always knew that she didn’t want to be one. This, despite the fact that society tried to attach different meanings to her decisions like loving to walk around with a puppy. I love the analogy she gives of being sent to an empty drawer to look for something time and again and each time coming back to say that she had not found anything. She expresses it more profoundly and I loved that as I had never heard it that way before.
Let me know what you think because right about now, I feel like going out and getting her book.
At the tender age of 14, I read this article and it formed a large part of any relationship advice I live by and what I would readily dish out to anyone who asked. That is:
- Don’t say, “I love you,” unless you really mean it.
- Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
- Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt, but it’s the only way to live life completely.
- In disagreements, fight fair. No name calling.
- Don’t judge people by their relatives.
- When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
- Marry someone you love to talk to. As you get older, good conversation will be one of the principal elements of an enduring relationship.
My utter best and the only one I ever care to share? Number 7. For me, friendship makes dating someone that bit easier and helps in those instances when things feel like a bit of a drudge.