Early Thoughts on Motherhood

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This being the last week of my maternity break, I thought I would share some of the lessons I have learnt as a new mom. Please share your own lessons in the comments, thanks.

1. Newborns make interesting sounds right from the beginning. Leaving the hospital the little one giggled … we should have known she had grand plans for us later that night.
2. They try to turn their necks from side to side initially, at least she did.
3. They are your co-partner in breastfeeding. FACT.
4. Breastfeeding makes you feel insecure – get a good lactation consultant on standby and attend a good birthing class that included breastfeeding lessons.
5. It does take a village, first kids are naturally born resilient coz how do they survive with parents who don’t know what they are doing????
6. … but you should also control the type of visitors you get. In the early days I caught myself making lunch and teas for visitors, very very sad.
7. Trust your instincts always. This took me a while to get used to but it does kick in, thank God.
8. You fall in love with them coz they pin you with that intense penetrating gaze and then one day they just smile and you are captivated.
9.  I will honestly admit to the fact that I did not initially fall in love, like day one. It took me a week or two but when I got there, I was fully in love …
10. Newborns aren’t fazed by hiccups.
11. They hate to bath, at least she did. It took three full months for it to become bearable.
12. You are initially tired, lack of sleep and childbirth, but you soon learn to cope.
13. The nature of the relationship with your partner will change. The most important thing is to talk about it and give each other some grace. Also, get some zzz when you can, lack of sleep exacerbates errrrthing.
14. Baby breath and baby farts don’t smell at all 
15. Changing dirty diapers is actually not the worst thing.

The best part of it all though is getting to know her an experience that I would liken to a slowly opening rose bud.

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Sunday Reads

• “The story I’m telling myself…”
• It breaks my heart that kids go home sans any clothes
• Making ice cream with your toddlers.
• I thought this video announcing their pregnancy reflected my own journey

Recipes

• Soy Glazed Eggplant
• I want to bake this cake

Sunday Reads

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• Traveling with baby …. we have a little trip planned later next month so. …
• I LOVED this book, please read it!!
• What Every Grandparent Needs to Tell Their Grandchildren
• I love these breastfeeding tips for new mothers.
• Making time for all the things that you need to as a parent.
• Truly the Victor dictates history

Recipes

• Dessert Recipes Starring Greek Yogurt
• Yum for these potatoes, schlurpppp!

 

Sunday Reads

• The lies parents tell to keep peace and sanity around the house.
• May the Church of God continue to stand strong always.
• Just read a bit of the Word, regardless.
• This little baby made my day.
• These lessons can easily apply to any new job.
• Oh New York how much I love thee

Recipes

• Cilantro Lime Dressing
• More pasta recipes
• Must try this: Blueberry Ginger Sorbet
• Chicken breast recipes
• Chickpeas stew

Sunday Reads

• Why Farts Smell Different When They Come From Your Family
• Because no one has a manual for a great marriage.
• Opportunities for the writers in the house.
• How do you invent a new language? This is how.
• Sorting out clutter around your house.
• For some great African book recommendations.

Sunday Reads

• Waiting on God patiently.
• What is a “love puff“?
• Dealing with death
• What do you do with your kids’ art?
• To spank or not? (NYT article)

3 Current Truths about God

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In this season of late nights and quiet early mornings, of little cries and fussy babies I am learning three truths about God and really reflecting on that.

1. God the Creator. Throughout the pregnancy I have seen how God creates little beautiful people and the level of care and His great attention to detail. His ways make sense and when you read the Science behind it all, you cannot help but worship Him deeper and love Him even more.
2. God the Provider. Isaiah 49:15 talks about how just as mother will never forget the child she is breastfeeding so also God will never forget us and will always show us compassion because He has engraved us on the palms of His hands. God knows all the details of our lives and He sees to all our needs from the small to the large. He is our Source and Sustainor.
3. God is Love. I love my daughter and it sometimes overwhelms me just how much the little lady has captivated us and then I think that God loves me even more than that. That He loved me so much that He sent His only begotten Son to die for me. Oh how He loves us!!

What does God mean to you as we approach this Easter season?

 

Happy Girls are the Best

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Sunday Reads

In light of the new phase I am in presently,I decided to share parenting-related articles

• The benefits of living close to grandparents.
• Explaining to those around you your child’s’ disability.
• HONY doing a great job highlighting children with special needs at the Special Olympics being held at UAE.
• I thought a helicopter parent was not great, now there is snowplow parenting.
  • Snowplow Parents are More Common Than We Thought. America Is Doomed
  • Snowplow Parenting Isn’t Just Morally Repulsive, It’s Bad For Kids
  • How some celebrities counter snowplow parenting.
• Moms still need to depend on God.
• Note to self: However tough, enjoy these early days of motherhood and be easy on yourself.
• This is me, at the moment.
• What to Do When Your Kid Walks in on You Having Sex (Which Will Happen)
• Baby songs for infants and parents.

Sunday Reads

• RTWT – Read The Whole Thread
• I suppose middle class parents mean well but the cost of intensive parenting is rather steep.
• Loved the reasons that kids threw tantrums, so hilarious but i suppose not for the parents.
• I want to check out this Art bar in Braamfontein.
• Being a good friend at all times is quite tough but beneficial.
• An ode to female friendships

Recipes

• 10 Homemade Salad Dressing Recipes
• Banana Bread Muffins
• We all need some quick weekday or actually, in general recipes
• Some more pasta recipes.

TED’s winter reading list: 78 feel-good books — ideas.ted.com

Enthusiastic recommendations for reads that will provide you with abundant reasons to rejoice, reflect or recharge, as suggested by TED speakers and TED-Ed educators. If you’re searching for some calm The Peace of Wild Things: And Other Poems by Wendell Berry This little book of poetry is my current morning dose of calm, and I use…

via TED’s winter reading list: 78 feel-good books — ideas.ted.com

In case you are looking for some great reading recommendations and some great TED talks to listen to.

Kids say the cutest things ever

Please read this post on cute things that kids say and then look at the comments as well. Below are some stand-out gems:

• Setting the scene: peaceful Saturday morning. Cup of coffee, book, couch, blanket, fireplace, spouse taking care of the baby, bliss.

Suddenly the 4-year-old pipes up: “Mama. When are you and daddy going to die?”

• I got in a 30 minute heated argument with my 4 year old once over who took care of her when I was a baby. (I had shown her a newborn picture of myself and it blew her mind to pieces.) She shrieked… “BUT MOM!!!!!! When you were a baby, and I was a baby, who was taking care of me??!! You couldn’t take care of me if you were a baby. Gasp! Oh no, was I all alone?” No matter how much I explained, the more upset she became. We finally settled on… Grandma. Grandma took care of all of us. And with that, the argument was over haha.
• “Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don’t listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won’t tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.“
• Sometimes I overhear a kid say something funny at a store and start laughing. And then one of my kids screams, ‘why are you laughing? Tell me Tell me!’ And then it gets awkward.
• My son was at about 2 years old when he saw me coming out of the shower and said “mumma, I love your bajina.” I could not have laughed harder.
• The other day, my 5-year-old daughter looked at me sweetly and said, “Mama, when you get old and die, can I have your phone?”

All this reminds me of a conversation with my 2.75 year old niece at the time who in a public bathroom asked me rather loudly whether I have a vagina and how I wanted to eat her up whole because I was not sure what would follow my answer! Urrrghs kids 🙂

Values I admire in my Parents

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Today, I want to focus on my parents and the values they have imparted in me that I admire and hope to replicate with my children.

1. Their work ethic. My parents inspired my sisters and I to work hard, to be our best and not to be limited by gender, our circumstances or other life setbacks. They themselves came from such humble beginnings and accomplished so much that by their actions and choices, you were inspired to try your best.
2. Their relationship with money. As far as I know, my parents never bought anything on credit. If they couldn’t save and get it, they did not get it. Also, to save all your money, save even if you have no immediate plans, just save.
3. Family first. My sisters and I always knew (know) that we were important and that we mattered to them, that they gave us their best and withheld nothing from us. They loved and even, liked us, and we never doubted this. We are our parents best investment and choice and there is something comforting in that.
4. I love that their parenting style did not require them to compare any of us. To them, we are unique, we are individuals and each success was celebrated on its own and each failure dealt with separately. As a result, all five of us are friends and continue to do the same thing with each other to date.
5. Faith and the role of God. He is over and above all things, always has and always has been.
6. Choice. Marry when you want, there is no pressure to marry or in fact conform because we are women. Study what you want at school – whether Physics or Home science. Learn how to slaughter a chicken or change a tyre, just because you are only girls, you still need to know.
7. A love for books. Yes!!!

 

 

Sunday Reads

• What does prophecy look like today?
• How the Spirit draws a child.
• I generally like this blog but this post was tone and culturally deaf.
• This story of police neglect was heartbreaking.
• Loved the explanation behind Mummy Brain.
• I love bananas, here’s how to cook with them.

Sunday Reads

• Show some love for my new hood.
• What was the first meal you cooked for your beloved other? I went with lamb, not sure why!!
• Podcasts by black women, for black moms.
• I love how this former lesbian talked about her Christian faith.
• Sometimes false Christian theology masquerades itself in variously.
• Don’t dumb yourself down for a marriage partner!
• 10 Outstanding Short Stories to Read 
• Essential Indian Street Food

Recipes

• Lemongrass Poached Chicken Salad With Rice Noodles
• Tomato & Grilled Eggplant Stacked Sandwich
• Smoky Instant Pot Lentils and Rice (Pressure Cooker)
• Spicy, Sweet, Tart, and Savory, Eggplant Side
• Stracciatella Gelato 
• Strawberry Cheesecake Ice Cream

Sunday Reads

• Grandparents are the bomb.com
• Teaching your kids the bible.
• Trusting God through suffering.
• Marriage advise for young women.
• Bringing your full self to work, even your weekend / after-hours self.
• Humans are versatile and multi-dimensional.
• I enjoyed Africa’s a Country posts during the World Cup on racism in France
• … and the fear of a black France.
• Planting food in your home garden.
• Would you live in a house without a kitchen or re purpose the room if you never cook?
• Memoirs from North Korea

Recipes

• Cooking with tuna.
• Cauliflower stir-fry with quinoa.
• … and another one pot quinoa pilaf recipe.
• Egg-free ice cream.
• Chickpea And Coconut Korma Curry With Pumpkin.
• Cooking with cream 

 

Friday Feels

Enjoy ….

Interviewing a 5 year old

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As I have done with my older nephew, (a, b, c) I recently had the opportunity to ask my 5-year old nephew a couple of questions. Please see his responses below.

What would you rather be, a kangaroo or horse?

Uhm, a cheetah. Then when firmly prodded, he opted to be a horse.

Would you rather have one huge eye or three small eyes?

3 tiny eyes

Would you rather have a pet dinosaur or a robot? 

A robot

What superpower would you love to have?

A time capsule that can activate (seems like a very specific answer, almost like he watched it somewhere) . When I said I want to know what people are thinking, he said, oh so you want to be God? Only God can do that 😦

If you could ask God a question, what would it be?

To give me the superpower I asked for.

What’s your favourite song?

Mary did you know?

What’s something you do not like about your little sister?

That she does not share.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

A plumber. So I can fix things.

What do grown ups do?

They take care of kids, wash them, feed them, play with them, bath with them …He then wistfully adds that he wishes he could be grown up so he could do his own thing.

From my previous experience with how my older nephews answers have developed over time, I am so excited to see how Neph II changes over time and then to do this with my niece as well.

 

 

 

 

Books on Letters between Friends

About So Long a Letter

About Dear Ijeawele

In March and April I read these two letters between female friends. Both of them touch of womanhood and issues of feminism which although books are written almost four decades apart, are still so relevant and applicable to the plight of women. All in all, they are both great books so I will talk about the common themes that struck a note with me.

1. Maintain your identity that is separate from your role as a mother, a wife, a sister-in-law. Maintain that single identity and I would even venture to say, keep pursuing those interests you have and love to do.
2. Make your partner a full partner. From Dear Ijeawele, this is quite obvious and self-explanatory. From So Long …. it’s not quite obvious but I like Aissatou (the friend)’s response when her husband married a second wife, she held him immediately accountable and  left the marriage. Many called her names and wished something else of her but she held him accountable and did what she had to do.
3. Both authors talk about centering marriage in the right place as a nice to have/do but not the penultimate accomplishment. Marriage is neither good nor bad, but how we aspire to it could be.
4. Both writers caution each other against assigning certain roles to male or female children and the assumptions we make or impute. The future is not one where boys (girls) can do certain things that girls (boys) cannot. Also the language that we use when we explain the roles and responsibilities to kids also matters a lot.

The entire letter is an ode to female friendship which I totally loved and would therefore recommend both books. You can easily get through both in a single sitting or weekend.

Sunday Reads

• Food is a way of travelling for instance to Laos.
• I love this cute love story of how they met ❤
• I am doing a Whole 30 in June with a pal. Looking forward. Some meal inspirations here and here.
• Some ways to teach your kids about money.
• We are all guilty of e-bailing at some point or another.
• Maybe a bad feminist call but this article about female priests in the Catholic church pissed me off some.
•  I rather enjoyed this article about whether you are your moms favourite kid.
• Clean daily to help you stay on top of your household needs.

Recipes

• I am making this dhal for next week’s dinner, yum, with some chapati.
• Stuffed peppers.
• 15 taco recipes.
• Yummy froyo recipees