Parenting under Lockdown

The lockdown has shown me that there are two types of working people: those with children and those without.

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I have occasionally thought that of the working parents, some were better than others but today, it hit me as they say in Kiswahili kila mtu apambane na hali yake (each one to contend with their situation / bear their cross). I also read this post that chronicled how some parents are sharing their child care needs – each of us is doing what needs to be done. That is all.

So how are we sharing the responsibilities?

1. We discuss calendars on Sunday evening and coordinate so we do not have clashing calendars. This is necessary because one parent works in the morning as the other does child care/ house and all those demands.
2. We each took on more around the house based on interest and strengths. Having said that, I suspect as the mom I do more 😦
3. Early on, we shared with our respective bosses and teams the situation at home and the impact on overall availability and deadlines.
4. We regularly check in with each other because its tough for each of us, on different days and in different ways. And we need to carry each other because as I keep saying to the Mr, if we think we are hanging on by a thread now, we cannot afford to break down or get sick.
5. I/ we both dropped our house cleanliness / tidy standards because no one has time or energy to keep those up. Also, no one is visiting the other so whatever.
6. Lastly and most importantly, to be easy on myself. I had some grand plans for this year, both in terms of school, work and personally but God in His sovereignty has placed me here and now. So I occasionally say to myself, chill, be easy.

Underscoring all of this is such great privilege that we both kept our jobs and work in fields that allow us to work remotely. Coupled with this is a child who has the beginnings of being resilient and who rolls with the punches given by Mama and Papa.

So how are you coping?

A Year of Motherhood / Baby Turns One

In person, these feelings and reflections on the past year are mostly joyful but definitely extremely emotional. I cannot put into words what this year has been like but I would like to try.

1. Motherhood takes a village. You can do it alone but it is so much better when shared with people you love and trust and with whom you can point your children towards. A pal of mine shared with me that you need four or five people that you trust enough to say to your kid if you cannot talk to me about anything, you can speak to ….. I definitely have those people, both in family and friends.
2. Pregnancy takes a toll on you the mother and it takes a while for your body to adjust, both physically, emotionally, hormonally and just. Be patient with yourself also, don’t stress too much about your looks.
3. A baby’s personality develops at birth, observe and work with that.
4. A friend told me about a mothers’ instinct at my baby shower and I was doubtful. It is true that it does kick in and that I am the best person equipped to be her mother. No one can be a better mom than me.
5. The dynamics of your relationship shift significantly. Talk about it, review where you both are/ how you are feeling and to discuss. Little people can otherwise impose a lot of pressure on your relationship.
6. Having a baby helped me refine how much I love people. I also finally understood how much my mom loves me. If she loves me even a little of what I feel for her then I am loved. I also know what it means when I miss someone because I sometimes miss her so much my heart and body actually aches. How does my mom cope?
7. I learnt that I can be efficient with my time. I commit better to things immediately. I can function with little to no sleep.

 

Hey First Time Mama

A friend is waiting to have her first baby any time now and a popular blog I read often asks participants what advice they would give a first time mama and only now am I kind of ready to attempt answering that.

Photo by Ree on Pexels.com

1. A birth plan is great, but don’t be too tied to it, things happen so be flexible.
2. Have a plan for who you want to visit you once baby comes. Be clear what you expect and what you would like.
3. If your mom or sister, or other trusted female relative can come, let them. In laws are great but for the first one its nice to have someone you are closely related to.
4. Have someone who loves you look out for post natal depression. It’s  a reality.
5. Little kids don’t need too much stuff and they outgrow stuff so quickly so don’t over shop it might all go to waste.
6. If you have a partner, your communication will take a bit of a knock but resolve to work on it and adapt together.
7. Babies cry. Soon you will develop a tough skin when they do. When you can’t settle them, give them a bath or strip them of their clothes for a little while.
8. Lastly, you are the best mama for that baby. No one can do it better than you. YOU GOT THIS.

 

Wives also need to get Wives

Husbands/ fathers/ partners are good but we all need wives.

Sunday Listens (Podcast edition)

Over the holiday I got a bit tired of listening to the same subscribed podcast content so I challenged myself to listen to shows I wouldn’t normally do or I had heard but did not want to commit to full subscription just yet. So here are some of those fantastic episodes.

• Young Love – Where should we begin by Esther Perel.
• I felt my back stand up when I first listened to her views on infidelity so I wasn’t open at all but I liked it so much I listened to this other episode on sexlessness.
• Radio Diaries’ Teenage Diariesrevisited. I love that kind of radio soooo much. I was hanging on the edge of my seat listening. Definitely subscribing.  As a teen I would have loved to participate in such an activity, to be honest, even now I would.
• Other episode I loved was Thembi’s Diary.
• BBC Woman’s Hour had a phone-in on Monday on #Megxit. Hot mess.
• I love that Motherhood Sessions is back but jeez that first episode? Messy.
• Borders Between Us by The Nod stressed to me how as parents we do the best for our kids and hope.
• I have been listening to this podcast following three pregnant teens (ethics and judgment suspended) and in this episode we meet four generations of teen moms in one family. Give it a listen, it’s nothing like what you expect.
• Still Processingdiscussed Michelle Obama’s book Becoming. JUST GO AND LISTEN. IT’S GOOD.

I know it’s a lot but do yourself a favour and just listen.

Sunday Reads

• How to get kids to read more.
• Miscarriages are never easy to talk about.
• Traveling with kids and toddlers 
• Imagine being married for 64 years and then getting sweet anniversary shots.
• This TEDTalk made me realise I need to let go of a certain friendship

 

Recipes

• How to make Ice cream, yum
• Some more ice cream recipes
• Lemony Artichoke and Quinoa Salad
• Blueberry Ginger Sorbet

Early Thoughts on Motherhood

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This being the last week of my maternity break, I thought I would share some of the lessons I have learnt as a new mom. Please share your own lessons in the comments, thanks.

1. Newborns make interesting sounds right from the beginning. Leaving the hospital the little one giggled … we should have known she had grand plans for us later that night.
2. They try to turn their necks from side to side initially, at least she did.
3. They are your co-partner in breastfeeding. FACT.
4. Breastfeeding makes you feel insecure – get a good lactation consultant on standby and attend a good birthing class that included breastfeeding lessons.
5. It does take a village, first kids are naturally born resilient coz how do they survive with parents who don’t know what they are doing????
6. … but you should also control the type of visitors you get. In the early days I caught myself making lunch and teas for visitors, very very sad.
7. Trust your instincts always. This took me a while to get used to but it does kick in, thank God.
8. You fall in love with them coz they pin you with that intense penetrating gaze and then one day they just smile and you are captivated.
9.  I will honestly admit to the fact that I did not initially fall in love, like day one. It took me a week or two but when I got there, I was fully in love …
10. Newborns aren’t fazed by hiccups.
11. They hate to bath, at least she did. It took three full months for it to become bearable.
12. You are initially tired, lack of sleep and childbirth, but you soon learn to cope.
13. The nature of the relationship with your partner will change. The most important thing is to talk about it and give each other some grace. Also, get some zzz when you can, lack of sleep exacerbates errrrthing.
14. Baby breath and baby farts don’t smell at all 
15. Changing dirty diapers is actually not the worst thing.

The best part of it all though is getting to know her an experience that I would liken to a slowly opening rose bud.

Sunday Reads

• “The story I’m telling myself…”
• It breaks my heart that kids go home sans any clothes
• Making ice cream with your toddlers.
• I thought this video announcing their pregnancy reflected my own journey

Recipes

• Soy Glazed Eggplant
• I want to bake this cake

Sunday Reads

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• Traveling with baby …. we have a little trip planned later next month so. …
• I LOVED this book, please read it!!
• What Every Grandparent Needs to Tell Their Grandchildren
• I love these breastfeeding tips for new mothers.
• Making time for all the things that you need to as a parent.
• Truly the Victor dictates history

Recipes

• Dessert Recipes Starring Greek Yogurt
• Yum for these potatoes, schlurpppp!

 

Sunday Reads

• The lies parents tell to keep peace and sanity around the house.
• May the Church of God continue to stand strong always.
• Just read a bit of the Word, regardless.
• This little baby made my day.
• These lessons can easily apply to any new job.
• Oh New York how much I love thee

Recipes

• Cilantro Lime Dressing
• More pasta recipes
• Must try this: Blueberry Ginger Sorbet
• Chicken breast recipes
• Chickpeas stew

Sunday Reads

• Why Farts Smell Different When They Come From Your Family
• Because no one has a manual for a great marriage.
• Opportunities for the writers in the house.
• How do you invent a new language? This is how.
• Sorting out clutter around your house.
• For some great African book recommendations.

Sunday Reads

• Waiting on God patiently.
• What is a “love puff“?
• Dealing with death
• What do you do with your kids’ art?
• To spank or not? (NYT article)

3 Current Truths about God

Photo by Christina Morillo on Pexels.com

In this season of late nights and quiet early mornings, of little cries and fussy babies I am learning three truths about God and really reflecting on that.

1. God the Creator. Throughout the pregnancy I have seen how God creates little beautiful people and the level of care and His great attention to detail. His ways make sense and when you read the Science behind it all, you cannot help but worship Him deeper and love Him even more.
2. God the Provider. Isaiah 49:15 talks about how just as mother will never forget the child she is breastfeeding so also God will never forget us and will always show us compassion because He has engraved us on the palms of His hands. God knows all the details of our lives and He sees to all our needs from the small to the large. He is our Source and Sustainor.
3. God is Love. I love my daughter and it sometimes overwhelms me just how much the little lady has captivated us and then I think that God loves me even more than that. That He loved me so much that He sent His only begotten Son to die for me. Oh how He loves us!!

What does God mean to you as we approach this Easter season?

 

Happy Girls are the Best

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Sunday Reads

In light of the new phase I am in presently,I decided to share parenting-related articles

• The benefits of living close to grandparents.
• Explaining to those around you your child’s’ disability.
• HONY doing a great job highlighting children with special needs at the Special Olympics being held at UAE.
• I thought a helicopter parent was not great, now there is snowplow parenting.
  • Snowplow Parents are More Common Than We Thought. America Is Doomed
  • Snowplow Parenting Isn’t Just Morally Repulsive, It’s Bad For Kids
  • How some celebrities counter snowplow parenting.
• Moms still need to depend on God.
• Note to self: However tough, enjoy these early days of motherhood and be easy on yourself.
• This is me, at the moment.
• What to Do When Your Kid Walks in on You Having Sex (Which Will Happen)
• Baby songs for infants and parents.

Sunday Reads

• RTWT – Read The Whole Thread
• I suppose middle class parents mean well but the cost of intensive parenting is rather steep.
• Loved the reasons that kids threw tantrums, so hilarious but i suppose not for the parents.
• I want to check out this Art bar in Braamfontein.
• Being a good friend at all times is quite tough but beneficial.
• An ode to female friendships

Recipes

• 10 Homemade Salad Dressing Recipes
• Banana Bread Muffins
• We all need some quick weekday or actually, in general recipes
• Some more pasta recipes.

TED’s winter reading list: 78 feel-good books — ideas.ted.com

Enthusiastic recommendations for reads that will provide you with abundant reasons to rejoice, reflect or recharge, as suggested by TED speakers and TED-Ed educators. If you’re searching for some calm The Peace of Wild Things: And Other Poems by Wendell Berry This little book of poetry is my current morning dose of calm, and I use…

via TED’s winter reading list: 78 feel-good books — ideas.ted.com

In case you are looking for some great reading recommendations and some great TED talks to listen to.

Kids say the cutest things ever

Please read this post on cute things that kids say and then look at the comments as well. Below are some stand-out gems:

• Setting the scene: peaceful Saturday morning. Cup of coffee, book, couch, blanket, fireplace, spouse taking care of the baby, bliss.

Suddenly the 4-year-old pipes up: “Mama. When are you and daddy going to die?”

• I got in a 30 minute heated argument with my 4 year old once over who took care of her when I was a baby. (I had shown her a newborn picture of myself and it blew her mind to pieces.) She shrieked… “BUT MOM!!!!!! When you were a baby, and I was a baby, who was taking care of me??!! You couldn’t take care of me if you were a baby. Gasp! Oh no, was I all alone?” No matter how much I explained, the more upset she became. We finally settled on… Grandma. Grandma took care of all of us. And with that, the argument was over haha.
• “Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don’t listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won’t tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.“
• Sometimes I overhear a kid say something funny at a store and start laughing. And then one of my kids screams, ‘why are you laughing? Tell me Tell me!’ And then it gets awkward.
• My son was at about 2 years old when he saw me coming out of the shower and said “mumma, I love your bajina.” I could not have laughed harder.
• The other day, my 5-year-old daughter looked at me sweetly and said, “Mama, when you get old and die, can I have your phone?”

All this reminds me of a conversation with my 2.75 year old niece at the time who in a public bathroom asked me rather loudly whether I have a vagina and how I wanted to eat her up whole because I was not sure what would follow my answer! Urrrghs kids 🙂

Values I admire in my Parents

Photo by Noelle Otto on Pexels.com

Today, I want to focus on my parents and the values they have imparted in me that I admire and hope to replicate with my children.

1. Their work ethic. My parents inspired my sisters and I to work hard, to be our best and not to be limited by gender, our circumstances or other life setbacks. They themselves came from such humble beginnings and accomplished so much that by their actions and choices, you were inspired to try your best.
2. Their relationship with money. As far as I know, my parents never bought anything on credit. If they couldn’t save and get it, they did not get it. Also, to save all your money, save even if you have no immediate plans, just save.
3. Family first. My sisters and I always knew (know) that we were important and that we mattered to them, that they gave us their best and withheld nothing from us. They loved and even, liked us, and we never doubted this. We are our parents best investment and choice and there is something comforting in that.
4. I love that their parenting style did not require them to compare any of us. To them, we are unique, we are individuals and each success was celebrated on its own and each failure dealt with separately. As a result, all five of us are friends and continue to do the same thing with each other to date.
5. Faith and the role of God. He is over and above all things, always has and always has been.
6. Choice. Marry when you want, there is no pressure to marry or in fact conform because we are women. Study what you want at school – whether Physics or Home science. Learn how to slaughter a chicken or change a tyre, just because you are only girls, you still need to know.
7. A love for books. Yes!!!

 

 

Sunday Reads

• What does prophecy look like today?
• How the Spirit draws a child.
• I generally like this blog but this post was tone and culturally deaf.
• This story of police neglect was heartbreaking.
• Loved the explanation behind Mummy Brain.
• I love bananas, here’s how to cook with them.