Family Rituals I grew up with

There are some things I randomly think of and I am reminded of growing up.

1. A big Sunday breakfast with all the trimmings, then Church followed by a late big lunch and something light for dinner.
2. For all our birthdays, we would buy a birthday card and hide it from the birthday girl as we all signed something heartfelt.
3. Attending Carol service on Christmas Eve then coming home together to prepare for Christmas Day.
4. Hearing your birth story from my mom and now that we are all dispersed, she calls at at the exact time you were born. I get my call at 8pm.
5. When I was in high school, my sisters and I on a Friday night would dance together and just unwind.

What are some of your own family rituals?

Dreaming of traveling

Photo by Arthur Brognoli on Pexels.com

If I could travel today I would go back to New York, New York ❣️ In addition to Johannesburg, Nairobi and Kampala I am also routing for the city that never sleeps

Where would you go if travel bans were lifted tomorrow. 

Sunday Reads

• I struggle with a proper Christian view of comfort.
• Planning a trip to Greater Nairobi?
• How not to parent.
• For those that have people in their lives that don’t read but want to get started.
• What happens to your body when you stop drinking alcohol?
• When you are serving looks.
• Visit Joburg’s Little Addis.
• Facing the future with God.
• The more I read about it, the more I think America is like any other African country 😦

Recipes

• One Pot Creamy Cajun Chicken Pasta

• Roasted Yam & Collard Green Enchiladas

Book Review: Always Another Country – Sisonke Msimang

 Buy here

I read this book over the December holidays and was sooo excited, I am not sure what happened and it’s almost four months later that I am here gushing about it. Urgggh!! Please see below my thoughts under the different themes, page numbers are provided in brackets for you to follow.

General

•  This is a book for us women, refugees, blacks (6) and I totally totally agree.
• I love that our time in Nairobi overlap – when she returns from Canada. I know all the landmarks she mentions of Nairobi. It felt so good to read a book about a place that I knew and know of so intimately. Double yay!!
• I thought it was odd that she kept referring to her folks as Mummy and Baba??? So odd coz those are two different languages in my head and I would have gone with either Mummy and Daddy or Mama and Baba.
• I wondered also why she protects the names of her own kids but not Simon’s eldest two. Not sure what that’s about is it maybe that they are adults and the other two are minors?
• The things said to them about a male child being preferred to daughters. And how this is often blamed on the mother in a way that gives the husband carte blanche to stray in the name of looking for a son (pp 7 – 27). I know this reality all too well and all I think is Biology lessons are important for all.
• It’s so subtle but her talking about not participating in the street games and fights as much as the local kids do coz it could turn on you:

“I had to choose how I would distinguish myself and I knew that it had to be safe.”(9)

• The plight of house girls and domestic workers – all too relatable ( 50).
• Having read Pumla’s Rape, it resonated with me how she spoke about the incident of being sexually attacked: her response and that of the adults around her (52 -55). Also, in the light of #MeToo, I thought it quite bold that she opened up about this incident.
• The urgency for them to receive their citizenship. Yeah, I get that (67 – 68).
• I remember the following events but was probably too young to consider their true impact on history: Chris Hani, Mandelas release, the IFP-sponsored murders and the election.

Growing up Foreign

• Being called an African monkey. While that did not happen to me, I know about being called a refugee almost as though it was a dirty swear word.
• And the rules that their mom had them follow because growing up in another country with parents working full time, there is not a big social infrastructure to support the parents. So rules are key or in young people speak, rules are bae.

“… the immigrant child knows that outside is one thing but home is another country.” (83)

“The immigrant child knows that the key to survival is in the inflection points. … The key to survival is in blending in first, in learning how to be just like else as a first step to freedom. You have to know how the inside works before you can stand outside and make everybody laugh.” (90)

“The immigrant child doesn’t make any noise. … She is preparing for the day when she will have mastered the art of being normal so that she can stand out.” (90)

Sisterhood

• How she always talks of her sisters, so beautiful and in some way the story is as much about them as it is her. Yay sisterhood.

Race

•  I understand when she talks of her discovery of her race in the States. The same thing happened to me in RSA.
• Being foreign in South Africa has shown me that White ones are still preferred to Black ones. Sad but fact!

Moms: 

• On discovering that your mom is not just a role – mom, wife, friend, daughter – but actually a woman with dreams, feelings and thoughts quite apart from me even. GASP, SHOCKING.
• How their mom almost became like an older fourth sister but their dad remained a dad. I find this to be the truth with us too.

“To know your mother as an adult is to finally see that she has lived many more years as a woman than you have been alive. To be a grown woman who loves her mother is to understand that it is no easy thing to raise children so beautifully that they don’t worry about you until they are grown up and ready to carry the complex burden of that anxiety.” (304)

• Class: I enjoyed reading about her relationship with her nanny especially when they were both pregnant. I thought it was the most honest tale by a middle class Black woman that I could totally relate to.

So please go out, buy the book read, it, share it and enjoy it.

Now, to make friends with her in real life?

Sunday Reads

• Uber’s performance on the African continent.
• Nairobi at dusk.
• Tiny hacks that elevate your room just so.
• Great book recommendations available here, here and here.
• ” … Yet there is no word for “single mothers” in Dari and Pashto, the languages spoken in Afghanistan. “Single moms are described only by the status of their husbands … so they’re either widowed or divorced. But their motherhood is not recognized.”
• Some of us recognise this kind of man.
• What a timely reminder that often our ministry will be unrecognised.
• Toast for dinner is always welcome.

 

What’s in a Bag

So this is my current handbag that I bought at Maasai Market in Nairobi, Kenya

Handbag contents

• Brown notebook and a pen
• Black kindle / novel
• Tissues
• Contacts lenses
• Lip something or other
• A pair of sunglasses
• Ear phones and obviously phone
• Pink Wallet
• White power bank
• Spectacles Case
• Green scarf

So, what’s in your handbag????

 

Book Review: Who Will Catch Us As We Fall

Against the backdrop of the political shenanigans in Kenya, I read this very interesting book on Kenya by a Kenyan Indian author.

About the Book.

Haunted by a past that has kept her from Nairobi for over three years, Leena returns home to discover her family unchanged: her father is still a staunch patriot dreaming of a better country; her mother is still unwilling or unable to let go of the past; and her brother spends his days provoking the establishment as a political activist. When Leena meets a local Kikuyu artist whose past is linked to her own, the two begin a secret affair—one that forces Leena to again question her place in a country she once called home.

 

Interlinked with Leena’s story is that of Jeffery: a corrupt policeman burdened with his own angers and regrets, and whose questionable actions have unexpected and catastrophic consequences for those closest to him. Who Will Catch Us As We Fall is an epic look at the politics and people of Kenya.

So my general thoughts:

• The book had quite a slow start, I mean you could tell she is hinting at something that happened in the past but she wasn’t going to give away anything quite so quickly.
• I thought it was a good attempt for the author to include Kiswahili phrases but it probably needed an editor who also spoke Kiswahili as in the absence of that the book had basic editorial mistakes like the police moto: Utumishi kwa wote, not utamishi kwa wote; Jogoo House not Jogo House.
• I thought that the city of Nairobi could have been more prominent unless the narrow lens through which it was presented was necessary to present how insular the Indian community in Kenya is?

The book had a few major themes that were particularly meaningful to me.

Race/ Tribe

• Love that she talks about the race/tribe relations between Indians and Africans in Kenya. How there is a sense of mistrust and almost antagonistic hate or resentment. This was best played out by the employer – employee relations by the Indian mama and her Kikuyu/ African maid.
• I thought the discussion between Jai and Ivy at the SONU meeting about what makes a Kenyan Kenyan quite insightful. It made me wonder whether by the same reckoning I would be classified as one because though by birth and upbringing I am one, then again, am I actually one? Will Indians ever be viewed as Kenyan?
• My surprise at Jai choosing to study at UoN instead of going to England which as the mom confirms is the better option and generally the done thing among this sub population.
• It was interesting to read about Pio Gama Pinto because he is one person who history has not represented very well even all these years later.

Gender

• Jai could play outside but Leena couldn’t.
• Jeffrey just “took over” his friends wife like she was a spare item and no one questioned that.
• Also the fact that the wife just rolled over and adjusted to this new reality.

Power

• The dynamics between a maid and her employer were very startling and playing into the perception of race and/or tribe in the book is the difference in treatment for a maid between a white and Indian employer.
• Jeffrey wielded significant power and that was how over time he was able to become as corrupt as he was.
• Who really ran the home between Jai’s parents, the mom or the dad?

Home

• Leena’s characterisation of being in Nairobi vs being in London and how one can reimagine / build it up into something bigger than it really is. (p. 335)
• I loved the following quotes that best typified Nairobi.

“I love this country but I must accept it for what it is. A place where thieves are celebrated and good men die unremarkable deaths.” (p. 357)

“Nairobi is a sly town. It is so small that run-ins with people one is trying to avoid are a common occurrence, yet it is segmented enough to keep two searching individuals apart. (p. 384)

Not as ambitious as Dust but for a contemporary book, it was a great effort and I would certainly recommend it to anyone.

Sunday Reads

• So it seems feathered eyebrows are a thing.
• Now I feel homesick for Nairobi all over again!
• Security questions we don’t need, but need.
• Who is the main reader in black African literature/ books by black Africans?
• This supper club in London sounds so fun.
• Three reasons I will not find out a baby’s gender.
• I love this idea of a daughter interviewing her mom. MUST try it with my mom one day.
• Must read the Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood.
• Invite someone single to dinner. Aye!
• Also, single and black in white evangelical spaces.
• So apparently non-stick pans might not be safe.
• What does your age reveal about you?

Recipes:

• Yummy sweet potatoes
• Black ice cream
• Cooking shrimp (prawns).

Sunday Reads

1. Interesting take on development in Africa through the tale of the seed industry in Uganda.
2. Even I got punished for speaking an African language at school.
3. More women than men in Lesotho are in school.
4. Technology is definitely making life easier for refugees.
5. This seems like a simple DIY even I could do.
6. As Christians we do not look to our circumstances but the hope of Christ and His promises!
7. “A mistake is just a moment in time.”
8. Be ambitious for life and not just work. Yes!
9. Ten places to visit in Nairobi.
10. Six hot podcasts on and by Africans to listen to.
11. Yummy lemon cake.
12. What is a PhD?
13. Awwwww at this cute child‘s response to her mom. Oh dear for this old man.
14. Lime zest and cardamon mandazi.
15. Some really inspirational girls!

Sunday Reads

1. Loving these sets of articles about women, women and ambition and the work place.
2. Thinking of doing this for someone I love.
3. Something about this video made me so homesick for Nairobi.
4. Some tips for all the new moms out there.
5. Love that this guy acknowledges what White Male Privilege has meant for him and his accomplishments.
6. Kenya goes to the polls in  August this year. A quick primer of some of the issues.
7. Some great African books to look forward to this year.
8. Somehow not a fan of all these baby products that work on selling fear to parents.
9. Some more Obama stuff.
10. We cannot run from God’s voice, where is He calling you to today?
11. An effective way to incorporate prayer into your life.
12. A yummy fish recipe.
13. Getting kids to [always] eat veggies.

Sunday Reads

1. Women, language, rites of passage and the khanga.
2. Cobalt mining and the lost lives in The DR Congo.
3. Rhino poaching in South Africa.
4. Attitudes to marriage in certain communities.
5. Nairobi’s art and culture scene.
6. Pssst! Africans also migrate within the continent.
7. SERENA. WILLIAMS. SWOON!!!

A reporter asked Williams whether she should be considered one of the greatest female athletes of all time. Her perfect response: “I prefer the words ‘one of the greatest athletes of all time.’”

Enjoy!!

Sunday Reads

• Lovely to see a friends work being well regarded.
• Practical ways that husbands can help around the house.
• Does Jesus love the rich? The short answer, yes.
• Things to do around Cape Town.
• Tips to dealing with conflict.
• Love this. Love for the sake of love.
• I was surprised at how different this writer was from the content of the story (violence in Kibera).
• A timeline of Obama’s presidency.

Last Sunday Reads of 2015

1. A simple way to think of writing, in three parts.
2. Now I am even more confused about Westgate,Nairobi (37 minute audio recording)
3. Ten ways to help you improve your eating habits. Particularly #1 on doubbling up on veggies.
4. A quick tuna chickpea salad.
5. Light quick read on the history of Vlisco making fabrics for Africa (Won’t talk today about my feelings of appropriation where this is concerned)
6. A longer history of Vlisco here …
7. So Rachel Dolezal does not get it at all! Still, six months later and with a baby on the way!!
8. “​what’s the danger of not training the people who stay?” Another classic Seth Godin post.
9. The NYT’s best pics for the year
10. Pleased to hear there are measurable and positive benefits to the show 16 and Pregnant coz I really like the show!

Forcing myself to love Winter

Despite being here for six Winters, I find that the period June to August is always so difficult for me to deal. So this year, I decided to compile a list of things that I like about Winter. Don’t worry, it’s extremely short.

1. Soup for dinner, YUM
2. Scarves as a vital fashion accessory. I have many beautiful scarves so I am good.
3. Having a ready excuse to avoid going out in order to stay indoors and stay cosy.
4. Not having to shave my legs.
5. Shorter days. In the morning, I definitely enjoy getting up when it’s dark outdoors; reminds me of growing up in Nairobi.

Do you love anything about Winter?

Long weekend reads

It’s the Easter weekend, four long glorious days to reflect on what Christ did for us and to rejuvenate with our family and loved ones. Be safe and enjoy the links below:

1. How to boost your baking experience
2. Taking stock of your spices
3. I can’t imagine this level of isolation or unquestioning belief. Not good or bad, just different.
4. I love that me and the Mr are a trend
5. On the idiocy of copying a foreign education system, just for the sake
6. Asking your salary has become the new black. But it shouldn’t
7. Preach on Chris Blattman
8. African School of Economics – based in Cotonou, Benin and offering a Master in Mathematics, Economics and Statistics (MMES) and Master in Business Administration (MBA)
9. How well do you know your neighbours?
10. This is us/ our near future
11. The only piece of advice I would give to people planning a wedding (oh! and thank God I never felt the post-wedding blues or the crash)
12. I know of Sasha Grey from Entourage. You?
13. So true! Foreign blacks are always prepared to indigenous Blacks
14. Advice before you get started on your PhD
15. Women in Kenya and the need for safe spaces (I totally have an intellectual crush on the writer!)
16. On being a woman in Tehran (and staying)

If you are in the 254 this weekend and looking for something to do

For more information, please see Facebook and her blog for more details.

Support a sister if you can or get in touch if you would like any of her services.

Missing home/ thinking of this song

Enjoy / Thank me later 🙂 

On blogging: search terms that led people here

Again, I decided to update this list.

• Whititude – the poem, descriptions about it, the writer that is still the most common search term. Funny-weird not haha because I don’t really read a lot of poetry or any of that.
• Rebecca Nganga – my beloved lecturer.
• josphat nanok bio – can’t imagine why!! But apparently he is a Kenyan parliamentarian
• age of consent south africa – To my shock people search a lot for this term and it leads them here! Horrors of horrors!!But see my position here.
• can i have skhothane punchlines and unknown skhothane CV – because I know so much about urban culture.
• 419 Scam letters – my favourite piece of writing!!
• Karumaindo Nairobi – some well known brothel in the hometown!!
• various variations of good morning couple – because of these beautiful illustrations by Nidhi Chanani
• Everwood and Oakwood – wedding venues.
• For someone that doesn’t write about sex, I do get a lot of sex-related search terms that lead people here.

It always makes me smile to see this so enjoy!!

 

Book review: Happiness like water

As promised here are my thoughts on this book.

• For some reason, it is ridiculously priced at Exclusive Books and that’s if you can get it. I ended up getting it from Amazon at half price.
• A part of me wanted not to compare her to that other famous Nigerian Writer and I tried most of the time.
• The stories are divided into two parts – stories in the first half are based in Nigeria and the latter in America.
• The predominant themes to her stories are religion, migration or identity, family dynamics and unexpectedly lesbianism, which begs the question, how many lesbians are there in Nigeria? (This scares me because of the traffic that will be lead to this blog ala this.) But in light of the recent anti-homosexuality bills in Nigeria and Uganda, it does raise the question of how difficult it is to be gay/lesbian in Africa. Culture notwithstanding.
• She writes very simply but poignantly. A lot of the time, I had such strong feelings after most stories. Which to me is not necessarily a bad thing because I have to react to my stories to truly enjoy them otherwise it’s just not worth it.
• I loved “On Ohaeto Street” because the description of where they lived reminded me so much of the estate I grew up in back in Nairobi. Very beautiful intro to the book. As with any short story, I was left wondering whether they got back together again?
• The second story very touching as the wife had to go through the VERY public and then an equally private shame. Interesting also that it had to be the wife with a problem conceiving and not the guy. Like no one ever considered it could be him.
• I also loved “America”. Quite a lot. I felt of all of them, this had the most potential to be drawn out further but maybe if it was, it wouldn’t have that same feel to it. Possibly. But reading this story, I did ponder on the issue of brain drain and how it was/is to some extent today that you haven’t quite made it in Africauntil you have gone overseas and studied/lived/worked. You can be great BUT and that’s a huge BUT.
• As an eternal foreigner “Shelter” made me so sad. To be in a bad way and stuck in a foreign country without help or family. Worst nightmare.
• “Tumours and Butterflies” almost made me wail like a sick kid. I was probably quite emotional on the day I read it but it gutted me. Parts of you feel sorry for the mom that she is a battered lady, then you wanna feel sorry for the dad because he has Cancer and then you see him treat his daughter like that and you wanna get in there and beat him up. I thank God I am not a battered wife but her decision to side with her husband over her daughter I cannot even contemplate!
• The title of the book comes from the story “Grace”. I felt like this story dragged on unnecessarily. However, is Happiness always fleeting … “maybe it is all about being on the verge of joy and similar small moments.” To me happiness is fleeting and joy is perpetual.

I loved this book, which is rare because I cannot be paid enough to read short stories. But this one, I would certainly give a proud 4.5 out of 5.

Happy reading!!

Links I have loved this week

1. Daily prompts for January for those wishing to blog better this year!
2. There goes my dream for a VW Camper/Kombi
3. Fun things to do in Nairobi – I tried to count how many I have done but there are too many. Lemme know how you do!
4. How NOT to report on “Africa”
5. Belated: But so well written on the Justin Sacco matter
6. Love me some Nene Leakes 
7. Discovered these little girls on YouTube

Enjoy!!