Book Review: The Old Drift

I read The Old Drift by Namwali Serpell in February and the Too Long, Didn’t Read version is it was terrible. But these are some longer thoughts:

• The writing style did not work. It was rambly, the author did a shoddy job connecting some of the themes and drawing out the characters. There were also so many details that did not enhance the plot or characters.
• I love a multi-generational story. In fact, these are my best stories to read, and I was initially intrigued at the telling of the history of a country through the tale of a family. Weirdly, the story had too many details, but it was also a painfully slow burn. How do you successfully tell a multi-generational story? I would recommend Kintu and maybe Homegoing as successful examples.
• In this instance, magical realism as a style device was totally unsuccessful. I struggle with magical realism in general because a part of me cannot relax enough into the story to just enjoy the magical bits. In my head I am screaming, fake, lies, lies, lies … It is very telling and quite an indictment that women are still oppressed even in a magical world. Can we not think of them as totally empowered and self-actualising? I loved Wizard of the Crow, do you know any great books under this theme you could suggest?

In summary, the story did TOO MUCH and quite unsuccessfully at that and I gave it 2/5 stars.

Sunday Reads

• Why many older women are saying “I don’t” to marriage
• Really fascinated by people’s home offices.
• Imagine returning to the office to book a quiet room to work away from colleagues when you were sold culture, communication and collaboration.
• I really enjoyed listening to this podcast about the role and importance of platonic relationships in our lives. I wish I could go back and listen to it for the first time all over again.
• Parental burnout is a thing.

Recipes

• Yummy roasted carrots

I knew I was grown when ….

Daily writing prompt

When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?

View all responses

… on family trips I was left in charge of my own passport. Before that, my mom always kept all our passports. Later, she handed our personal files with all our details to us. I was about 18/19 because this was about the time when I had just finished high school and my parents would look to me to tell them what I wanted to do with the rest of my life and I was blank as anything. And to think of how many decisions I have made since then, strengthening that decision muscle with each one.

Making my own little humans

This mom went viral for putting together a list of things that she would like her child(ren) to learn. She calls it how to be a person. There are so many skills that we now think old fashioned, unnecessary or whatever else you can think of. But this is what I would include in my list.

• Stitching and being able to repair a tear on your clothes, fix your hem or replace a button.
• Cooking – a couple of meat dishes, some starch, veggies and a salad. Cooking is a life skill.
• Baking – basic cupcakes, a tea loaf
• Saving skills and waiting to get something big (besides food, clothing, shelter, education)
• A love and appreciation for travel
• Reading for fun, all kinds of genres
• Handwashing delicate items and fabrics
• Paying and receiving compliments
• Washing dishes, pots and pans
• Memorising scripture and praying out loud
• Changing a tyre, know about your tyre pressure and to check on your water and oil levels

Finally, not sure how to explain this but to generally think always of the whole family as they go about stuff. For instance, growing up my mom would say if she is not home by say 5:30, start cooking. When we would wash clothes, she would get us the younger ones to wash the easier items as the older girls did the harder stuff and as I got older and proficient, I was entrusted with the same responsibility. When you finish stuff, please add it onto the list, throw out the last roll of tissue and add a new one. This would be the case for a daugther and son.

How do you stay grounded?

Daily writing prompt

What brings you peace?

View all responses

• Knowing that I have honoured God as laid out in His word. Knowing that I have stayed true to my belief as a Christian is very important and helps ground me when things don’t turn out as I suspected or thought.
• Staying true to myself, my goals and my plans.
• Honouring my family and their future, doing nothing that jeopardizes any of their future(s).

What about you?

Lessons from 2022

Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels.com

• Church in person trumps any convenience offered by online church. Earlier this year I went back to in-person Church and the joy of singing and praying together is inexpressible but has been very affirming. My daughter also transitioned into Sunday School which has been very nice.
• Your kids will fall sick, you will feel it with all your body but they are tenacious little things and will certainly bounce back. Its tough in the moment but it definitely gets better.
• I made up with an old friend and it has been so seamless and beautiful, catching up on past things, present concerns our dreams for the future. We have met each others kids and it is just so beautiful.
• It’s a watershed moment for me when someone can lie about any of the following three things: the birth of a child, a marriage and the death of a loved one. You don’t have to tell me all your stuff but these are major things in my book and this is stuff that I would share with a dear friend and if you can’t, then it’s clear where we stand with each other.
• Success to God looks and feels so different to my own definition. God asks for continuous obedience and faithfulness in what He has asked or called you for. In seasons like this year, it has been very tough to serve Him faithfully but as I wrestled with this, I have seen Him as a loving father, a compassionate God, and someone that sticks closer than a brother.
• Prayer >>> worry. So many things would have felled me and caused me such anguish but this year I learnt that I have to pray through what I want, not what I see but what I want and trust God for that.
• The people I share my home with are the utter best, I would choose them anytime. Over and again.
• The key to longevity in marriage this year has been taking it one day at a time and truly being the Mr’s biggest and loudest cheearleader. Always and repeatedly. Also, keep the you-owe me list short and travel light. Just as I can have a long account of things owed, so can he.
• I used my voice this year at work to get me out of a tough work enviroment and it has been for the best. Also, if you can, get a coach – it’s worth it.
• The joy of unwinding on a Friday evening with a face mask, body scrub and a cup of hot tea in the bath with a great book. Yes!!!

Family Rituals I grew up with

There are some things I randomly think of and I am reminded of growing up.

1. A big Sunday breakfast with all the trimmings, then Church followed by a late big lunch and something light for dinner.
2. For all our birthdays, we would buy a birthday card and hide it from the birthday girl as we all signed something heartfelt.
3. Attending Carol service on Christmas Eve then coming home together to prepare for Christmas Day.
4. Hearing your birth story from my mom and now that we are all dispersed, she calls at at the exact time you were born. I get my call at 8pm.
5. When I was in high school, my sisters and I on a Friday night would dance together and just unwind.

What are some of your own family rituals?

Parenting rituals I want to incorporate

I love Cup of Jo. The blog content and the community of readers that gather around it. It is a very beautiful space on the internet and what I secretly wish for this here little space.

She recently had a blog post on family rituals and I decided to steal a few to start with my child(ren) as they get older. So here goes and please also check it out.

To keep things simple at Christmas, we each get 4 gifts: something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read. I am planning to use this model with my children (someday)!

My MIL had three curious kids who would shake gifts put under the tree before Christmas day. She invented Christmas “code names” to write on the presents. From then on the kids didn’t know whose presents were whose and would stop peeking. On Christmas day each kid gets to guess who’s assigned to each code name and she reveals the results at the end. My husband is now 33 and the tradition is still alive! She always chooses a different theme. Sometimes they are so abstract we spend hours just trying to guess what the theme is. Last year it was types of dairy cow (Holstein, Normande, Guernsey, Belted Galloway) and the year before it was cities in Ireland (Cork, Killkenny, Limerick, Dungarvan). One year she did locations of WWII battle sites. She keeps us on our toes and I always look forward to it.

“When my (very adult now) kids were smaller, I began asking for their self-portraits as my birthday gift. Many years later, I enjoy the most incredible archive of their growing artistic skills, evolving concepts of self, and interests at the time. It’s still what I ask for, and they happily explore new media, formats and methods each year — often their portraits coordinate incredibly well with no overt communication. Can’t recommend this enough. Only wish we’d begun even earlier!”

A nice tradition I have started with my kids is giving a special book on their birthday. Instead of a greeting card, we pick a book that means something that year (a book we borrowed many times from the library, a little story about a place we travelled to, about getting a sibling, etc) and we write a note on the front page or wherever we can fit it talking about memorable things of that year and hopes for the year ahead. I plan to give my kids a book with a love note every year for as long as I live

She doesn’t know it yet, but I invest money each month for my goddaughter, in the amount of her age. $1 a month when she was 1, $2 when she turned two, ect ect. She will be 11 next month! I plan to give her the money when she graduates high school or turns 18. It is a fairly low financial commitment from me each month, but should hopefully be a very nice gift for her one day. AND it will be a great lesson in compound interest and investing in your future 😉

The night before the first day of school we eat under the dining room table instead of on top of it. My kids are little (4 and 7) so they find this exciting and a wacky way to end summer and start the year!

Sad but action packed documentary trailer

Values I admire in my Parents

Photo by Noelle Otto on Pexels.com

Today, I want to focus on my parents and the values they have imparted in me that I admire and hope to replicate with my children.

1. Their work ethic. My parents inspired my sisters and I to work hard, to be our best and not to be limited by gender, our circumstances or other life setbacks. They themselves came from such humble beginnings and accomplished so much that by their actions and choices, you were inspired to try your best.
2. Their relationship with money. As far as I know, my parents never bought anything on credit. If they couldn’t save and get it, they did not get it. Also, to save all your money, save even if you have no immediate plans, just save.
3. Family first. My sisters and I always knew (know) that we were important and that we mattered to them, that they gave us their best and withheld nothing from us. They loved and even, liked us, and we never doubted this. We are our parents best investment and choice and there is something comforting in that.
4. I love that their parenting style did not require them to compare any of us. To them, we are unique, we are individuals and each success was celebrated on its own and each failure dealt with separately. As a result, all five of us are friends and continue to do the same thing with each other to date.
5. Faith and the role of God. He is over and above all things, always has and always has been.
6. Choice. Marry when you want, there is no pressure to marry or in fact conform because we are women. Study what you want at school – whether Physics or Home science. Learn how to slaughter a chicken or change a tyre, just because you are only girls, you still need to know.
7. A love for books. Yes!!!

 

 

What Matters Most To Me

I recently went through an exercise to define my top values in life and it made me very reflective because values are something you never think of until someone crosses it then you realise, woah! something is off here.

1. My faith in God is something that I feel very strongly about and hope that people realise when they meet me. It guides my decisions, my reactions and my feelings through life. I believe in One God, the Father the Almighty, One God in Three Persons, He died and rose again and will return. That God, even when things in life go against this thinking, my prayer is I stand in my belief in God.
2. Family is very important to me. Loyalty to family, love for family. Enjoying your family. My sisters are truly God’s best gift to me and if we weren’t related, I would still want to know. My folks are the bomb.com. I always say that I would pay good money to live with them for a month some where. With the Mr, the idea is to make our home a home so we both have this enabling and loving environment where we both return to and just want to dwell in and enjoy each other. As you get older and refine your circle of friends, you ostensibly end up with friends that are like family and it is important to cherish those as well and invest in them. Friendship is important.
3. Serving God and fellow man is another thing of importance to me. If I do not give back to those that are less fortunate, if I am not moved by the plight of those less fortunate than me, then what I have is not worth it. Serving in Church is an expression of my faith and that must be done but I also still delight in that.
4. Working hard and being my best given my constraints is important. I love to set goals and work towards them and that feeling of meeting them and sometimes even exceeding expectations is so refreshing. I am not so concerned about being the first or the best, but being my best is good enough.
5. How I work hard is by being resilient. I take stock of the failure or the setbacks and then moving forward. I care about meeting my goals and not giving up when things are tough or not going as well as I expected.
6. Stability and Freedom that often comes from being educated or being financially stable. Also, from having family or friends do what they say they will, when they will do it. It helps clarify life and make things much simpler for you to really perform at that optimum level. As a worker, I also find that I like the autonomy to make my own decisions and work at my own pace as opposed to being micro-managed.
7. Fun and Play because you need to refresh, slow down and enjoy the successes otherwise they are useful and you do not perform at your optimum. For me this looks like reading books, listening to music, hanging with friends and family, journaling, watching telly or traveling.

What are your top values? What defines you and makes you unique?

So Thankful

Today I am grateful for:

1. BSF and the brilliant notes they have been preparing for this years study.
2. Great friends.
3. Our home and all that it means to us in this season.
4. My family and for WhatsApp that allows us to be in touch.
5. Beautiful Johannesburg weather.
6. Oranges, pawpaw and yoghurt.
7. The freedom that my car provides me.
8. Work and the ability to earn an income.
9. A great cup of tea.
10. Flavoured sparkling water.

For what are you grateful for?

Sunday Reads

• Would you keep a journal of all your failures?
• Why is Cape Town so cliquey?
• Please read this post on church planting and then listen to This America’s Life podcast on the same.
• I’d also love to know my family history but what if it yields such a negative story?
• How did you know your person is the one?
• Each of us has elements of being a people pleaser.
• …. because I love talking about #2’s
• This list talks of the world but glaringly omits Africa.
• I love these book club recommendations and the fact that I have read so many of them already. Nice!!

Recipes

• Quick weeknight dinners coz we all need those at some point or another.
• I love potato salad but I hate the creaminess of mayo and that’s absent in this recipe.
• Another yummy pasta recipe.
• .. and another set of recipes.
• Blueberry ice cream for the soul.

caucacity 

Something done with the audacity of white privilege.

An act showing little compassion towards people of color.

 

What’s making you happy now?

1. A great cup of tea – my sister recently got me some passion and lime tea from Kenya and it is YUM!
2. Long lazy weekends.
3. Discovering a lovely little restaurant and liking it.
4. Church services at 12 O’clock in the Fall/ Winter months.
5. One-on-one heartfelt chats with friends.

What about you?

2017 in Posts

*this list is based on views

1. Having a baby, what would you like to do before baby arrives?
2. The status of rape in South Africa
3. Thoughts on Upile Chisala’s book.
4. Poems for my daughter(s)
5. Happy Anniversary love 🙂
6. A conversation with my oldest nephew
7. Expectations and Marriage
8. Lessons from the book of John
9. Wh!at do you cook for guests?
10. How I love thee!!

I Knew I was Married When …

1. We unpacked our wedding gifts and as we reminisced about the little parts of the wedding.
2. I went back to living with my sister and nephew and something was missing and I knew it was the Mr.
3. My family would ask whether I had checked with the Mr before doing …
4. His aunts would thank me for all sorts of things.
5. His family would ask after me when he went for family stuff solo.
6. It just made sense to clarify our plans before committing us socially.
7. We hosted our first set of people at our first place.

Some days are better than others but most times I do feel married and I can’t even say what it is that makes it more than just when we were dating.

 

My City is Better than Yours

When I moved to Cape Town, I did not expect to like, or GASP love it, as much as I did Johannesburg. Two years on, I feel like I am cheating on my first love but here goes a list of things I love about the city.

• Franschhoek and the annual literary festival
• The Book Lounge
• The Mountain View
• Camps Bay – I don’t do this often because it gets touristy and it’s a big contrast to the daily inequality but occasionally, I do note its’ beauty and appreciate that.
• Wine Farms
• Unstuffy Markets – Mojo Market, Old Biscuit Mill and Oranjezicht. For some reason in Joburg, peeople need to dress up and then get to markets and look like they just walk up like that, URGGGH!!
• An Evening BSF Class
• The Promenade
• Being able to walk around to most places
• A main street that means not having to get into a mall unless you want to, Yay!!!
• Off-street Parking
• Kalk Bay
• A gorgeous CBD
• Love the pace of drivers and their general chill
• It’s a very outdoors and family-oriented place

Hosting Long-Term Guests?

This blog has slowly become a firm favourite. I thought this was a whimsical post but it definitely gave me ideas of how to prepare our guest room when we have visitors.

What do I currently do?

Growing up, my mom always made us pack a towel a face cloth and other personal items we might require when we go visiting. I have slowly learnt that not everyone packs these so I  have since had to include guest towels when I prepare the room.

I also ensure the guests have a set of keys and boy does knowing that there is extra toilet paper help a tonne.

I also stock the house with food and then on the second or third night when the guests arrive, I take them along to the shops so they can shop for food and personal effects that they might need that I do no have in the house – it certainly helps guests to feel at home. This and knowing where the breakfast cereals, tea and coffee is in the house.

From this post, I have since learnt to include the following items for that home away from home feel.

1. A luggage rack, I read this and the simplicity but indulgence of it made me happy.
2. A mirror so that guests can prep themselves once they get up.
3. A box of tissues.
4. Clearing out shelf and hanging space and providing a few hangers for use
5. Stocking up the sugar bowl – I don’t add sugar to my tea/coffee so it’s an
   

   issue to remember that other do.

How do you prepare yourself to host guests?

Belated Sunday Reads

• Love her PhD work on such a personally interesting topic: language.
• Also this article on the benefits of being bilingual for younger kids.
• This short movie trailer is awesome. Then again, anything Chimamanda-related is 🙂
• Television shows for adults.
• I like this conversation on race but overall I am not impressed by Rachel’s choices on #TheBachelorette. But then again, I don’t have to be, it’s really her choice to make.
• In Africa we call these food services “friends and family”.
• Women are ushered into motherhood in such different ways globally. Some PC pics. 
• I know why I do not want to have a baby in the car 😦
• I went to a Christian University for my undergraduate studies.
• Self care that we need.
• How do adults make friends?

We mentally compress our networks when we are harassed, bullied or being threatened by job loss. We close ourselves off, isolating ourselves, creating a huge blind spot where we can’t see our resources, allies and opportunities.

Book Review: The Book of Memory

The story that you have asked me to tell you does not begin with the pitiful ugliness of Lloyd’s death. It begins on a long-ago day in August when the sun seared my blistered face and I was nine years old and my father and mother sold me to a strange man.

Memory, the narrator of Petina Gappah’s The Book of Memory, is an albino woman languishing in Chikurubi Maximum Security Prison in Harare, Zimbabwe, after being sentenced for murder. As part of her appeal, her lawyer insists that she write down what happened as she remembers it. The death penalty is a mandatory sentence for murder, and Memory is, both literally and metaphorically, writing for her life. As her story unfolds, Memory reveals that she has been tried and convicted for the murder of Lloyd Hendricks, her adopted father. But who was Lloyd Hendricks? Why does Memory feel no remorse for his death? And did everything happen exactly as she remembers?

Moving between the townships of the poor and the suburbs of the rich, and between past and present, the 2009 Guardian First Book Award–winning writer Petina Gappah weaves a compelling tale of love, obsession, the relentlessness of fate, and the treachery of memory.

The book reminded me of the book, We Need New Names by NoViolet Bulawayo particularly when she talks of the Harare township where Memory grew up. The characterisation of township life was totally believable and reminded me of my experience growing up. The book also does a good job of personifying the life behind bars and the dynamics of womanhood and female friendships.

Overall, Gappah is a lovely story teller, she builds it up slowly and steadily then lets it slow down later. I loved the pace. It totally sucked me in and I read it over a day or two. Then at the end I just hugged the book and smiled. The story continually switches between a flashback to the past and present time. Despite this, it was still easy to follow the broader tale.

Common themes raised in the book include: language, memory, family (siblings, mother-daughter, husband-wife), religion, colonialism(or race as a subset). Various questions I had though while reading the book include:

• In light of the decolonised free education in our lifetime protests currently happening in South African universities, is the best education White/ Western and in a foreign (ex-colonialist) language? To what extent has this changed? Would you/ I feel comfortable to take our kid to a native school ala Spilt Milk? I am not sure. In terms of decolonising language, the best book I have read on this topic so far is Decolonising the Mind by Ngugi wa Thiong’o.
• The book also touches on Africa’s complicated history with the White Man. Was Lloyd African? Why because he spoke the language and understood the culture / had allowed himself to be immersed in it fully? If we contrast Lloyd and Alexandra the sister, who is more African?
• Colonialism and the White Mans’ burden also comes across when we look at the motives of Lloyd in adopting Memory.
• That duality of existence that I find so intriguing about South Africans and now Zimbabwe. That deep belief in ancestry and mainstream religion or a more modern life. I grew up raised in a predominantly Bible-focused culture and so this duality is totally alien to me.
• Do we trust our memories? Is it ever as we think or are there things we remember that as we have gotten older we have to come realise are not as they were. As the last child in my home, I have some clear memories of myself as a child but to be honest, I know that a lot of them are mainly based on what I have been told and not necessarily what I particularly remember. What are your earliest memories?

In closing, I am not sure why they did not translate the Shona bits which made me wonder who the real audience is here. It was quite frustrating for me a non-Shona speaker.