Tag Archives: being married

Values I admire in my Partner

In this case, my partner. What do I love most about him? There are so many things, but I had to list the top three:

  • His devotion to family. I don’t think we would work so well if we did not have this in common or if we were not assured of the others commitment to their family and therefore each other.
  • His ambition and work ethic. Outside of myself and my female friends, he is easily the most driven and hard working person that I know. I suspect that he even works harder than me, always gives 150% of himself, always, every day.
  • His ability to chill. He is the perfect epitome of work hard and play hard. And to be honest, I need that because even when we go on holiday, I usually have 10,000 things planned and he is OK to do only one thing a day.
  • Lastly, I know said three, but this must be said, his relationship with money. His aversion for credit, his desire to save, his eye on the long-term. All of this and more.

What do you love most about your significant other?

 

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I Knew I was Married When …

  1. We unpacked our wedding gifts and as we reminisced about the little parts of the wedding.
  2. I went back to living with my sister and nephew and something was missing and I knew it was the Mr.
  3. My family would ask whether I had checked with the Mr before doing …
  4. His aunts would thank me for all sorts of things.
  5. His family would ask after me when he went for family stuff solo.
  6. It just made sense to clarify our plans before committing us socially.
  7. We hosted our first set of people at our first place.

Some days are better than others but most times I do feel married and I can’t even say what it is that makes it more than just when we were dating.

 

Podcast: Ann Patchet on marriage and relationships

Ann Patchett is an award-winning novelist and memoirist. Her other books include Truth & Beauty, The Magician's Assistant and Run.

Despite doing pre-marital counselling, I love how Ann Patchet speaks of marriage, the very commitment and what it means to her. Please listen here. Below are some of the salient points from the podcast.

  • How much love her husband had for her following their marriage compared to when they were dating (for 11 years). I did not cohabit and so I cannot compare, but I firmly believe this to be true because being married does change things and opens you up to a vulnerable and committed love.
  • She also speaks of the different expectations or roles that a girlfriend has versus a wife. This had quite the impact on her decision to remarry when her partner fell ill and she knew that she could only deal with it or support him as wife.
  • On joining their accounts and what it signaled for their relationship. Couples deal differently with finances and there is no unique solution, only that both parties should feel comfortable and secure in their decision.
  • Getting married for the right reason. This matters because it led her to marry the first guy at 24 despite misgivings and then at 41, she was willing to get married for other reasons altogether. All it says to me, there isn’t a single reason for or against, but a conscious decision to act or not.
  • She talks about how motherhood and how she always knew that she didn’t want to be one. This, despite the fact that society tried to attach different meanings to her decisions like loving to walk around with a puppy. I love the analogy she gives of being sent to an empty drawer to look for something time and again and each time coming back to say that she had not found anything. She expresses it more profoundly and I loved that as I had never heard it that way before.

Let me know what you think because right about now, I feel like going out and getting her book.