I have to make some life decisions and that always makes me draw back on previous decisions I made and how those turned out. Some of the decisions I have made in life that I am quite proud of:
- The decision to accept Jesus as my Lord to live for Him after.
- To study Economics.
- To never try hard drugs.
- To settle down with my husband.
- To drop certain friendships.
- Financial discipline.
- To stop eating red meat and to a smaller extent chicken.
- To leave a straining job with no prospects at the time.
Are there any decisions I regret? Sure but that’s another days post 🙂
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Been talking with a friend the past week about being a grown up. I guess both of us are at a crossroad making us feel a bit vulnerable.
I read this blog today (also the source of the pic) and I just screamed internally! Finally someone that gets this adult business.
How did my parents manage to adult so successfully? Did they ever feel the sheer panic at some of the decisions they made? How did they hide it when/if they did?
How did they know that it was Ok and how did they not panic when they went ahead to have five children and therefore have to make life
adult decisions for them too?
It’s so weird because I know I am an adult (hello, 30!), I do adult things and have adult responsibilities but most times, I feel out of depth and scarily much like a 16 year old.
At 16, I was so driven by the desire to finish high school and weirdly, not so much about growing up because I felt I had all the freedom and some as well as money and I was cool. Just get out of high school.
And then now, it’s like decisions galore and every time you ask for help, people throw it back at you like, what do you think and all I want is do this and then that.
So frustrating sometimes y’all. But however much it is, I sometimes look back and think, I haven’t done too shabby with myself and the few decisions I have made for myself so it’s not too bad. Not at all.
Let’s just say I am not successfully adulting today!
*PS: I love how adulting has become a verb in this post but I really saw it on Facebook earlier today so I can’t even claim this genius!
Despite doing pre-marital counselling, I love how Ann Patchet speaks of marriage, the very commitment and what it means to her. Please listen here. Below are some of the salient points from the podcast.
- How much love her husband had for her following their marriage compared to when they were dating (for 11 years). I did not cohabit and so I cannot compare, but I firmly believe this to be true because being married does change things and opens you up to a vulnerable and committed love.
- She also speaks of the different expectations or roles that a girlfriend has versus a wife. This had quite the impact on her decision to remarry when her partner fell ill and she knew that she could only deal with it or support him as wife.
- On joining their accounts and what it signaled for their relationship. Couples deal differently with finances and there is no unique solution, only that both parties should feel comfortable and secure in their decision.
- Getting married for the right reason. This matters because it led her to marry the first guy at 24 despite misgivings and then at 41, she was willing to get married for other reasons altogether. All it says to me, there isn’t a single reason for or against, but a conscious decision to act or not.
- She talks about how motherhood and how she always knew that she didn’t want to be one. This, despite the fact that society tried to attach different meanings to her decisions like loving to walk around with a puppy. I love the analogy she gives of being sent to an empty drawer to look for something time and again and each time coming back to say that she had not found anything. She expresses it more profoundly and I loved that as I had never heard it that way before.
Let me know what you think because right about now, I feel like going out and getting her book.
Decision time = Knowing fully well that you are certainly grown up and have to bear the consequences of certain (in)actions. And that your parents can only help you so much. I often over think decisions that I have to make and then at the crunch (do-or-die) time, I find that I wake up with such peace and an understanding and awareness of what is and always is the assurance that I shall be fine, always and regardless of what actually happens. This time, I find great assurance in this Psalm 20:7:
Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
Today, where shall (you) I put (your) my trust?
why do I always have a clearly thought, hard-hitting entry and then when push comes to shove, I lack execution? so I’ll just write about various thoughts I’ve been having with myself and from various conversations I’ve had this past weeks. Why? In a bid to write less reflective in a general way and lighter and more airy entries…
I cut lose certain friends this week and Im still sadly grappling with whether it was the right thing to do. Its wrong but I’m prone to a little gossip every now and then but I have decided to remove myself from this situation. I need a new view on these things and space couldnt be spelt any louder. BUT really, how loud can you tell a pal clearly making a wrong decision to change courses? Im having to do that right now and who knows for how long but I know Im still here if she needs me, regardless of the time
Iv heard so much about this book– I must read it soon or else …..oh! and this one too
In 2007 I was a tad selfish and finally I did something about it, I apologized to my Daddy and well, I cant do much about it but at the root then was the desire to stamp my own authority and wrong means but hey, cant change a thing can only learn vital lessons about it and move on. If I had to go back, I’d not do things differently but I’d AVOID the same path I took then. I knew I was finally all grow’d up when coming home one evening, I realized how unsafe I’d been and this was me thinking and not my dad telling me that! we live, we learn!
I’m feeling snail mail this year so I’m gonna be writing more letters and making the post offices all over the world earn their keep. On a tangent, it seems the recession might have resulted in something very positive in America as reduced spending on movies and DVDS and all that has meant increased time at the Public libraries. So, its a nice thing,right?
Two of my pals have left home this week to go and work in SA and Netherlands and I so miss them but hey, facebook ni nusu ya kuonana so its not gonna be that bad. Who am I kidding?
I’m almost leaving till December and Im so not jazzed about it coz a morning like Tuesday this week, I was all teary and sob-eyed and well, I might as well embrace it for what its gonna be 😦
For some reason im feeling quite pensive and I guess I know that the year is over and so does my head and my body and to some extent my heart (OK, I didnt intend for that to quite sound like wedding vows) . This trip back home while totally looked forward to has opened my eyes to so many thing that I never thought I would have the strength to endure or the will to come out of and well, I’m just floored. I just came from my usual Facebook stalk session and I came across this piece about saying good bye and walking away from thing that in the greater scheme, aren’t helping. A friend recently asked a couple of us to name five things we like about ourselves and though my response was totally crapalicious, I remember thinking that the thing I love about myself is the ability to make clean cuts with people and things that have long out run their sell by date- whats happening to me now? I’m insisting on carrying forward things that are weighing me down and changing my disposition and the question is why am I allowing this to happen to me? Huh? Am I losing my swagger or what?
i feel like you penetrated the cracks and made us all pawns in your little sick game. i dont just feel like that as much as i can now see that was your game plan all along. you had the best thing but even then, it wasnt good enough for you and systematically you went out and managed to isolate and thus conquer all so you could be happy. was it worth it as Ms Cole asks? how do you feel now? you do have the last word and the last say and the scary thing for me is that i thought we all knew you, i thought we had some understanding of sorts but obviously not. How does one get to this point in life? is it intrinsic evil or is is utter selfishness? i will never understand this, surely……i won’t
one of the few quotes in life that i have read and gone uh! was the one that in life we make choices and then they turn around and make us. of course thats its highly abridged version. the thing that first showed that enyewe im now an adult is when my folks begun to entrust me with a few decisions that i wholy and truly had to make on my own and darn the consequences really coz when things went bad, i had no one BUT me to blame for it all. sad times i tell you….
i mean on the one hand, it was exhilarating that hey! im the captain of the ship and from henceforth, its me and me purely. a few agonizing moments later and last year i found myself wishing that my mom would take me on her lap and cuddle me really and take all the “biiiiiiiig” life decisions in life for me. like when i was twelve years old you know, why couldnt i have been twelve again? just last year at the height of growing up and the quarter life crisis that being 22 turned out to be.
i KNOW for sho now that He will make straight all the valleys and smooth all the rocky areas of my life too so I can only hang onto Him and His promises to me that are yeah and amen! and beyond that is to act like the Pagans of olden times. its a new day for me and i only wish i could say to all and sundry whom i meet happy new year! i can see clearly now and finally hindsight is neither sad nor painful. only happy and refreshing…………..:-)