Sunday Reads

• Years later why do African judges still wear those wigs?
• I love Nicholle Kobi’s work.
• And then these African women who also draw.
• This article on ” Christian” polyamory REALLY UPSET ME. God calls us to marriage between a man and a woman, that plan has not changed.
• On finding your tribe.
• Yes, I would love the option of working from home.
• Stocking up your kitchen.
• I belatedly got into making my own hair oil and this would come in handy for anyone.
• This sounds like it will be a beautiful read on local weddings.

Recipes

• Easy ideas for a packed lunch.
• YES to rice and black beans. Yummy
• Oh how I love earl grey and now you can cook with it too.
• Baking bread.
• A yummy blueberry cake.

Best Part of your Wedding

I read this post where couples talk about the best part of their wedding. Three years on, the parts I loved best are:

1. When the Priest placed our hand under his cassock and prayed the marital blessing upon us. More than when he prayed for the rings or pronounced us man and wife, this is the time I knew we were married and I felt God’s presence in our marriage.
2. There is a picture of us talking about something so intense after the ceremony. I can’t remember what we were talking about but I love to think we were both excited and happy to be married.
3. I have had the same WhatsApp profile pic since then because that was the first picture we took in our first house after the wedding. We stood in the bathroom replaying the day as I took off my make up then we decided to take a selfie and voila!

What about you, what parts of your wedding do you still remember and why are they so memorable?

PS: Please read the comments from the blog post, so darling and warm!!

Sunday Reads

I am in my favourite city, Joburg so enjoy …

• Something about his writing gives one all the feels. Also, the short list for the 2017 Caine Prize with links to the stories available here.
• South African universities forget that fewer foreign students means they cannot meet their budgetary requirements.Ha!
• Interesting article on how women under invest in the labour market to appear more attractive in the marriage market.
• Like this chick, looking forward to her memoir.
• I love this bridal party photo shoot.
• So unlike me but I really want to start a veggie garden. And here is a garden-DIY combo project.
• Emotional health is key.
• In time of suffering we cannot blame God  but we can trust Him.
• Navigating grandparent conflict at the birth of a new baby.
• Raising a feminist son – let him cry, that totally made me stop and think. Summarised here also.
• Also, how we talk to little boys matters.

How can we change this? We can start, says Dr. David, by letting boys experience their emotions, all of them, without judgment — or by offering them solutions. This means helping them learn the crucial lessons that “Emotions aren’t good or bad” and that “their emotions aren’t bigger than they are. They aren’t something to fear. (NYT)

Recipes:

• I love to cook with cardamom
• Home made ice cream and this sorbet
• More ice cream
• I always want to bake bread at home.
• Creamy spinach and chickpeas.

Change of Plans

I recently read a post about things you would change of your wedding. I loved my wedding and though, mhhh nothing. On second thought, I do know some things I would do differently:

• I would have worn blue or yellow shoes, just because I could.
• I would have insisted the DJ play more Kenyan music.
• As a guest book, I had wanted to buy a new bible and ask people to sign against their favourite verses as a prayer for us the new couple.
• To ensure that all my plans were accomplished and our families could relax and enjoy, I should have paid for a day-of-the-wedding coordinator.
• I still would not have any kids on the line up.

Are there any changes you would have made to your wedding? Why?

Weddings on my mind

See below a bunch of wedding related items I have been gazing at. Yes, I still have some wedding blogs that I religiously follow.

Not really a fan of the wings on the side but for this jumpsuit, I would do it.

For some reason, the cape works and would help me overlook that slit.

 

I just love the imagery of this board and the fact that you can make it part of your home decor as a daily reminder of your wedding.

I love this stationery!!

I love the simplicity in the details above

 

 

Sunday Reads

1. These are my best friend goals for when we are 70-plus.
2. All night after care facilities for busy parents. Very sad!!
3. Vanilla coconut ice cream.
4. Another pasta recipe.
5. You don’t need a sandwich maker to make these cheese sandwiches.
6. Such memories we all have about meeting our MILs for the first time.
7. This is a whole post on the pressure of being a young adult now.
8. So scary but very fascinating.
9. A to-do list if you are looking to change your name post marriage.
10. I am voting for jumpsuits as the official bridesmaid wear!

 

Sunday Reads

1. These tips on how to give a good toast should be mandatory read. The number of wedding toasts I have heard and cringed.
2. Free versus structured play. I am all for free play.
3. Interesting study on why women share photos of their kids on social media.
4. Apparently more people are using video to inform family and friends alike that they are having a baba! (NYT article).
5. 10 ways to reduce your wedding budget.
6. Yes kids get sick at daycare, but they also get sick less often later. This study proves and my mom always said. (NYT article)
7. Such a sad story but so beautifully and heart-warmingly portrayed.
8. So much cuteness in these pictures.
9. On the messaging that we s(sub) consciously send to our daughters.
10. Spicy carrot cumin and coconut soup.
11.  Seven frozen yoghurt recipes.

Men have been denied so many safe spaces where they can be men and vulnerable
Guys like us, it turns out, are hungry for a place to talk with other men, particularly about how fatherhood is changing us, and changing writ large. Just as literature has long helped people see that our seemingly personal struggles are universal, being able to talk in this group offers a similar revelation. In an age of near-constant superficial virtual connection, there’s an enormous benefit in having a real life community to confide in more deeply and provide a genuine social network — especially for men and young fathers so often without it.

(Please also read the comments)

 

Sunday Reads

Some lovely reads this week as you can see below.

1. Goodbye Downton Abbey
2. A Vietnamese coffee cake
3. Cooking with cauliflower. Ten recipes.
4. … specifically this cauliflower risotto. YUM!!
5. Go big or go home in relation to Nigerian Weddings. Thank God we did not have that pressure way back when …
6. Restoring the world’s oldest library.
7. This broke my heart this week. Teenagers who kill in order to become famous or get a following. JUST SAD!!
8. I am really keen for Fuller House. Nostalgia, much?
9. Again, why women friendships are the bomb diggity!

Historically, friendships between women provided them with attention, affection and an outlet for intellectual or political exchange in eras when marriage, still chiefly a fiscal and social necessity, wasn’t an institution from which many could be sure of gleaning sexual or companionate pleasure.
For many women, friends are our primary partners through life; they are the ones who move us into new homes, out of bad relationships, through births and illnesses. Even for women who do marry, this is true at the beginning of our adult lives, and at the end — after divorce or the death of a spouse.

Enjoy and have a lovely Sunday.

xoxo

Some wedding dresses for brides to be

Wouldn’t do any of these but I would love to be friends with the girl that could carry them off.

Yes, I still check out wedding stuff from some of my old favourites.

My favourites are number 1 and 4.

Love that #1 is playful but it could also be adapted into a long, short or midi dress. I also like the polka dots on the trail and seeing it again, it could be done into a jumpsuit!

#4 has the type of neckline that I just love and indeed, my wedding dress had an illusion neckline as well.

If you any girl that would wear these dresses, send her my way 🙂

 

11. Sunday Reads

1. The ethics of selling/ donating breast milk
2. I don’t know that I would reconsider after all this time had passed. Not sure because for me time enhances or clarifies things! (NY Times)
3. Because Nigerian Weddings are HUGE and here is proof.
4. For the upcoming wedding season, what you actually need to get that bride!
5. The morality of reporting on the dark net. I am quite curious but I do not think I would ever allow myself to wander to the dark side. Just not sure I would recover.
6. Annual reviews for, ahem, your marriage? Yay or Nay? I am #teamyay. Here’s the actual Performance review (PDF)
7. So well said. On the lessons that we can get from failure and how it’s only ever a lesson for the next things we go into. Read it and smiled/ bit down the tears I already had.
8. I wanna try this vegan ice cream recipe. Yum!
9. Or this pear and ginger sorbet.
10. Or these pear cardamom muffins.
11. Sources of protein for a vegan.
12. Had dinner with a friend recently and we spoke at length about how (female) friendships tend to drift apart over time and how we both deal with that. Female friendships are beautiful, emotional, exciting and all of that but they do change over time and some people can adjust better than others but you never really know until it happens!

These days, I focus on finding ways to stay in touch with my family-friends, mainly by incorporating them in every aspect of my day – through texts and talks of plans for visits. Now, it’s a case of quality over quantity. We don’t sit around quite as much in our pajamas on Tuesday nights, so instead we talk more and plot and plan for future celebrations.

It is hard, though. Staying in touch with friends lies somewhere between the world of the constant marathon phone calls of a long distance relationship and the scheduled Sunday Skypes used with far away family. More often than not, in that between world, the plans have a tendency to fall apart.

And so you work harder at it because family-friends are worth it. They’re rare, hard to find, and must be clung to regardless of distance and time and change in circumstance.

And you know what? We may never come home to each other again, as Mindy said, but seeing each other on weekend visits brings me back to myself in a way that only family-friends can, and that’s more than I could ask for. 

The time I tried to sell something online and got scammed

Earlier this year I decided to finally sell my wedding dress. Having checked out a couple of sites, I decided to start with the free ones: OLX, Gumtree and Locanto. I then looked for various pictures of the dress and proceeded to post these on the sites.

Within a day of posting on OLX, I got an email from a lady called Mary asking if the dress was still available and whether I could check the cost of postage as she wanted to buy it for her niece and surprise her – she would pay for the postage. OKAY? I remember thinking that she must not have planned a wedding in recent times as most brides like to take charge of that part of the process but I countered that with, Oh what a sweet aunt!

All the same, I replied and said that the dress was available and to ask about the postal address is as I couldn’t get a quote for the delivery costs without it. So it turns out that “Mary” was somehow based in Lagos and wanted me to send the package there 😥

At this point, I felt uneasy and decided to back out and stop responding because my gut just said something was not right because “Mary” now said that she had already paid the money and she sent me proof of payment that was so so so dodgy coupled with the fact that I NEVER RECEIVED THE MONEY – NOT THEN OR EVER. Anyway, our conversation proceeded as follows:

Mary: So take the package to the nearest South Africa Post Office (SAPO) and get it ship out and get back to me with the shipment details ASAP.

Me: Look, it’s not working so I have resent your money. Please let me know when you get notified.

Mary: I want you to know that I have already make the payment and my account has been deducted and your money is intact but still pending in your
account and all what Bank need from you is the shipment tracking
number for verification as soon as you ship out the item and forward
the shipment tracking number to my Bank via notification sent to you
for verification your bank account will be credited immediately Okay.
But the money haven’t reflect in your bank account but as soon as you
ship out the package through Post Office and get back to Bank Of
America with the tracking Number,the money will reflect in your
account straight away.

I thought the scam was about getting the money but it seems the dress is also lucrative as they can sell it for cash. In this case, I would have sent the dress to them and by the time I would have gotten back to them, I would have sent the dress and they would stop responding when I kept asking for them why the payment has not cleared.

Well, I decided to ignore the email and Mary went away. And the money never cleared!!

Please see below, the dress that I am trying to sell and contact me (gonetilnovemberblog@gmail.com) if you would like to buy the dress or know a genuine person in Johannesburg that might like to buy.

Upper bodice

Detailed view of the bodice

Front fitting of the dress

Front view of the dress

PS: I never heard back from my add on Locanto and Gumtree but better that outcome than OLX. I recently posted the add again and I have already had three queries from people with funny looking email addresses but I shall try and be open minded (but safe) this time round.

Updated to add: Again I renewed the posting on the above site including a paid hosting site and I got the following response from three different email addresses (but likely one user?):

Thanks for your swift response.I’m (insert fake name), Look I’m offshore (on sea), I’m buying this package as a (BIRTHDAY GIFT) to my cousin who was transferred to West Africa. I’ll add an extra R1800 to your final price for the package which will be for the shipment of it via DHL post mail and other expenses. I’ll be paying you through PayPal. If you are interested kindly get back to me with your PayPal email address so that i can easily transfer the fund to you asap.

SPEECHLESS!

Sunday reads

1. What would a similar experiment reveal for various African states?
2. The benefits of being an ally to a working mom
3. If you love beautiful pics and who doesn’t?
4. If you ever wondered about the Porn industry in Japan. It’s a dog’s job but the article reveals so much of their society so do read.
5. I actually thought that Pinterest was too cool for me. Good explanation of the changes.
6. All I can do is wish these two a quick and speedy recovery, SMH!
7. Cauliflower Barley Risotto
8. Moroccan Carrot & Quinoa salad
9. 20 beautiful pasta recipes
10. For next time someone asks me about kids
11. Babies in a Birkin Bag?? Yep! Seems its a thing!
12. If you like weddings, or specifically, Nigerian Weddings that are a category in themself

Enjoy!

Some Sunday Reads

Hope you are having a lovely day, here are some lovely reads for this afternoon.

1. Going beyond the heading : malaria nets and depleting fish stock
2. A decadent shrimp risotto recipe
3. Beck > Beyonce 
4. So excited for the new TLC Album
5. This wedding had me catching some type of feelings!
6. Because I totally love tea
7. Booya! Reverse tourism

Sunday reads

Some Sunday reads to atone for the blog silence.

1. Heard of the BECONS (Behavioural Economics Oscars)? Read more here
2. Bringing Ferguson to our (Kenyan) backyard
3. The paradox that is Cuba
4. I have become a “Serial” junkie – please read various op-eds here 
5. And because no one talks about the groom and their wedding day
6. A review of 2014 in outrage
7. On rising above expectations
8. Revolutionising people management
9. NPR’s best books of 2014. And A tournament in books?
10. Can you incentivise safe sex? 

Enjoy, thank me later!!

Story of The wedding

Over the next few days, I shall be reviewing different aspects of the wedding. Please stick around and let me know your thoughts.

This is the one post that will make me wish repeatedly that I shared pics of myself online/ for this blog. The outline of the questions are inspired by one of my favourite blogs, Southbound Bride.

Love Story

The Mr and I met at Wits University while undertaking our Honours degrees in 2008. I had recently moved cities and he was one of the people I soon became friends with.

The Proposal

We had spoken of getting married and so I knew that he would ask just not when. I sound like a control freak but I had also given some guidelines, not in a public place and not in front of any of our families and I didn’t want something over the top. One Thursday after work, I went over to his place and he met me at the door, seated me comfortably then he knelt and asked me to marry him. Knowing it was coming and seeing it happen, two very different things!

The Venue

Well funny story. We selected a venue, paid a deposit went for the decor set up and all of then then life happened and we changed our venue to the Spruitview Multipurpose Park where with three months to go, we started to plan the wedding afresh.

The Wedding in 3 Words

Happy, relaxed and personal

Wedding Style

We really had no style, we just knew we didn’t want it to be too stuffy, we wanted it to reflect our personality and we certainly did not have anything that 30 years from now we would look at and think, why did we select that? I’d say elegant and timeless is something we strove towards. Our wedding colours were yellow and navy blue with touches of white.

DIY Elements

We proudly had none. We didn’t have time as both of us were working full time and planning the wedding. We opted to pay vendors to bring to pass our vision.

The Flowers

I happen to be that one bride that doesn’t like flowers much. I had a small bouquet of blush proteas for me and yellow arums for the girls.

The Dress

I had a mermaid style sleeveless dress with an illusion neckline. Early on, I knew I did not want a strapless dress because I am not so big on top and I didn’t want the dress to look like a towel on me. I wanted (and got) a plunging back which greatly appealed to me. My sister lent me her veil, which my mom lovingly fixed up for me.

Memorable Moment

Walking down the aisle and having my mom hand me over to the Mr and the moment when the guests realised what our first dance was.

Proudly South African / EA details

• We served traditional cakes and traditional ginger beer at the reception.
• We presented cakes to our respective in-laws.
• On the menu we had a Kenyan salsa (kachumbari) and South African dishes such as samp and ting‘.

The Honeymoon

We spoke about the budget and then the Mr went ahead and booked us 7 glorious days in Mauritius. It was winter and off-season but we enjoyed it just as much and I cannot sing enough of the country’s beauty. The hills and how lush it is reminded me greatly of Uganda.

Advice for Future Brides & Grooms

• Compare quotes from two or three suppliers, make a decision and stop looking.
• Determine your budget and try as much to stick to it – see what your negotiables and non-negotiables are.
• Hire a wedding planner if you can, if you can’t don’t work with family members.
• Have an engagement shot with your photographer, it helps to relax you and you practice for the big day.
• Relax on the day itself and savour each and every moment because it goes by very quickly.

Tomorrow I will share about the special vendors that made our day possible.

Little thing Wednesday: Link love

Via

See below a list of stuff I have read and enjoyed this week

See why I love Ramsay? 

How to reduce staff turnover 

Cute-ish wedding pic

It’s obviously review time ..

South Africa 1 – Nigeria 3

23: Little things Wednesday

Since it’s been such a while, I am going to put together random stuff.

• Apparently these stages are real.
• I don’t generally like graphics in my blogs but …
• We may not live our lives in fear!
• I understand now why weddings in America are such big business if people will have engagement shots, wedding day photos and videos as well as anniversary shots! I’d also make money off all that.
• My pet peeve is seeing someone texting while driving. So imagine my shock when I saw someone on a bike while texting. Now who should tell them about the dangers to their lives?
• Only this week did I start to use format painter and I must say my life has changed!!

elephant issues

Proverbs 4:24 cautions us to guard our hearts for from it springs the issues of life and how true could that be? When you are in a bad place and you know what needs to be done but the repercussions are too mega and the pain involved too elephant (mega), what do you do? How do people get up and shrug off the pain and just get going? How do you face the possibility of pain bravely and just damn it all and go ahead with living? Why are men able to compartmentalize and yet we girls can’t? How come if we have an argument you can go out with your friends and have a right ‘ol party while I can’t?  How can you put on a sunny disposition and yet you ought to know better? What gives? Why are we so different?

THE wedding is finally tomorrow! Can’t wait for it though I know I will be exhausted at the end of it all! Going for a sleepover thereafter!

I used to be happy, I used to laugh and mean it, I could trust my judgment NOT anymore. I used to know a happy girl-I used to be ME, now I dont even know who that is. As Oprah says the one thing I know for sure is that I actually know nothing. and not even about myself.

I hope this link works coz my last entry was a hoax at best!!!!

random

Talking to a friend over the weekend I realized that I am the kind of person who can without thinking give so much of my self,person and time to another without giving one thought to myself and my welfare. And as I say this I realize that this does not make me selfless . No. We are in the midst of organizing a bridal shower for a dear friend and each of us needed to contribute some money for the day. No problem. I had also been singing about how I needed to go for a pedicure. My friend just commented and said,” …  so without thinking, you will give money for the shower and not treat yourself?”

And it hit me that many times that is what I do! I place myself last. Time and again, I come last and I can’t do it any more, very few people do the same for me but noooooooooo! I just keeping giving more than what I get in return and sadly there comes a time in every girls life when she has to be Number One.

Talking of weddings and showers, what do I get my friend? I had thought of getting a voucher for her to go for a full wax and when I think of it, will she do it or will it just go to waste? Many of my friends do not wax/shave and I don’t know whether this is likely to change with the thought of impending nuptials. I doubt it though so I won’t take a risk with the voucher.

I have learnt so many things but at the top of it all, is that in life when you get a good thing, you take it (or GRAB it) and run for dear life. When you are on to a good thing, grab onto it and don’t let go of it come what may. This probably makes me sound like a selfish person but I think this is a new awakening for me. Finally and slowly, I am coming into my own and I don’t know whether I will love me or if those around me will love me and accept me for who or what I am/will be at that time. I hate change even in as much as I know that the only constant in life is that same detested thing. CHANGE.