Tag Archives: friends

Sunday Reads

 

Guest Post: Things to do Before Baby Arrives

I read this article citing a few things that the author (a mom-to-be) wanted to do before the baby came and convinced a dear friend to write her own list. So with no further ado, please welcome Simple Girl blogging over at (Simple Girl Writes).

Three months ago I walked into the hospital and about 12 hours later was announced as a mother to a precious little girl. Yes, I said I was ‘announced as the mother’ as I only really felt like her mother two months later (but that’s a story for another day…). A friend asked me to compile a list of the things new mums should do before their bundle of joy arrives as you will most likely spend the first six/seven weeks in a haze where you won’t even remember your own name! Be warned, this is not the typical list outlining the very practical things to do (book the hospital bed, go to antenatal classes, take your vitamins etc.) – this list is for the mama that is worried about how much life will change post-baby. And trust me, life will change!

  1. Buy that dress that shows off your new curves and go dancing (or shuffle depending on how swollen the legs are)

I was lucky enough to have a fairly small bump for most of my pregnancy and up to 30 weeks pregnant, I could get away with saying I’ve just gained “a bit of weight” around the tummy. So imagine my horror when I had to go shopping for a dress to go to a wedding with a massive bump at 31 weeks.

Let me tell you, there’s nothing that makes you realise that you are pregnant (yes forget the previous 30 weeks of pregnancy symptoms!) like going shopping for a dress in a mall. Apart from the pity stares you get whenever you walk into a MANGO or ZARA and lovingly touch a dress that you used to fit into a couple of weeks ago. The real horror comes when you are shown the ‘maternity wear’ – long, flowy, pitiful looking dresses that are supposedly supposed to make you feel good about being a baby mama. I took one look at those dresses and almost burst into tears (let’s blame the hormones!).

To cut a long story short, I ended up finding something to wear in a store catering for the ‘plus-size’ lady Ya…I will reserve my comments but the dress was beautiful and I felt good enough in it to go out the next day and dance away.

Trust me, you need to do this – you will forget about the pitiful stares, swollen ankles, achy back and the closet full of clothes you can no longer wear. Most importantly, you will look back at the photos from the day and said dress with a massive grin.

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  1. Take photos of the growing bump!

I didn’t manage to get the professional maternity photo shoot (even though a good friend had offered to do it for me) but I did force the husband to take a lot of photos.  I won’t lie, I struggled with the body changes associated with pregnancy. Unlike other women, I didn’t marvel at the growing bump or liked my bump that much 😦 but take the pictures anyway! It’s worth remembering where the bundle was home for months and even funnier to look at post-baby to remind yourself how big you really were!

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  1. Go on a fun holiday with your closest girlfriends

This one I strongly recommend you do.

I am the first one to have a baby amongst my friends (the last one to get married though – judgment galore!) and they were more excited than I was about having a preggy belly in the circle. So when the chance came to have a last hooray as friends before life dramatically changed – we went on holiday to probably the most random place I’ve been to (Cinsta in the Eastern Cape). It literally was one of the best weekends I’ve had in a while. We stayed at a backpackers, ate way too much, overindulged on chocolate and biscuits (you know, all in the name of helping the pregnant lady with her cravings), went to a beautiful spa for overly-priced pedis and massages and just generally had a blast.

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  1. Babymoon!

Similar to the girlfriend hooray above, I strongly recommend going on a babymoon. The time to enjoy ‘the two of you’ for the last time. If you have the budget for it, planning a trip far away from home would be ideal.

We did a ‘Sho’t left’ to Umhlanga and spent almost every day at the beach with me stuffing myself with frozen yoghurt (I had a sweet tooth while pregnant!). But even without the vacation, just doing more stuff as a couple is important before baby arrives. I didn’t believe it when people told me but the relationship really changes after birth. In a good way overall but I do miss being able to plan a night out without calling every single relative we have living in close proximity to us, to check who is able to babysit for a while. Also, believe the mantra – happy parents make for a happy family so the time spent on the parents is never a waste.

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  1. Read those books/ go to gym/take the long showers/play Adele at the loudest volume setting – enjoy ME time!!

This is something that I’m struggling with every day post-baby. I miss having time to myself without any restraints.

A simple thing like going to spinning in the morning relies on either my husband being home or the nanny coming in to work on time so that I can leave my baby and go torture myself in the spinning studio. Playing music while cooking – hahaha – that is something I used to do but no longer can because really after putting baby down a couple of times, no one wants to wake her up when she is finally sleeping. And Lord, the day I can have a shower when I want to shower for as long as I want to shower will be the happiest days of my life. Right now, I either shower late at night when her dad gets home from work or put baby in the bouncer, move the bouncer into the bathroom and shower with the door partially open to make sure baby can hear/see me at all times so she doesn’t start screaming again. Sigh. The life of a new mum.

There’s no doubt that life changes a lot after baby arrives. I’m still dealing with the changes and clearly have no pearls of wisdom on how to survive them. What I can say is that the day your baby looks up at you and you get a toothless smile (filled with a lot of spit bubbles) is the day when you realise that it was all worth it – the changing body, constant worry, dealing with the never-ending mummy guilt and family judgment was all worth it as you will realise that you are the best mother that this baby has.

And so what if you get this smile while you haven’t brushed your teeth or had a shower? 🙂

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Thanks Simple Girl for sharing your journey frankly, I see so many guest posts that you hinted at in this post and will try and hold you to that!

Every woman needs a friend …

little girl centre

  • Who lifts them when they are down.

  • Who can lovingly reproach and correct you when needs be.

  • Who challenges you to be more than you are or do better.

  • That you can call up on short notice and they will take your call or make the time.

  • With whom you can dream up big ideas.

  • You trust fully.

  • Who accepts and loves you as you are …

Is goodbye possible if you have their number crammed?

lulu

When we first started dating, the Mr had this theory about how girls shed friends in their 20s. Shed. His word, not mine. And always, I would scoff at him and state how I am too loyal a friend to ever lose a friendship. See, I know of myself that I am a particularly loyal friend. Loyal to the point of abuse or pain.

As a result, I am fairly ready to make amends and walk a mile in someone else’s shoe, try and be there for them, and basically to be the type of pal that I would want to have and the type of friend that they also talk of wanting in their life. As a result, I often struggle with when to let go of a difficult/ trying/ unfulfilling relationship. To be honest, I always start with never, you can try a bit more, come on, give it another go.

However, I currently find myself  pondering over this issue with a friend that I have known for over 10 years. In truth, the struggle was to allow myself to walk away and I am now at that place.

The best part of this friendship has always been the fact that we are two peas in a pod, kindred spirits in a sense. She and I have the same outlook in life. She has that gentleness in her that I know I can trust and that she will never take advantage of me. Which I totally loved and will always cherish about her. Having said that there has always been this doubt of my motives, what I say or don’t say and this has been the undertone of our entire friendship and led to many instances of not talking to each other or a lot of misunderstandings/conflict. This has been tiring and taken an overall toll on the friendship particularly now that we live in different cities and often rely on texts and emails that often don’t generally convey true meaning.

Another element of a great friendship is that as both parties get older, there is natural room for both parties to grow, experiment and come to terms with themselves in the new phase and both parties have to allow for this to naturally play itself out. Friendship cannot be rigid or imposing or it naturally dies away. As we have gotten older, I have also struggled to embrace all her choices and some of the decisions she has made have made me quite uncomfortable and I am struggling to be the friend she needs in this phase of her life.

More than that however is the fact that our friendship is steeped in the past. We are not generating new memories, we are hanging onto old memories but none of us is invested in going forward. In fact, if we did not have friends in common, we wouldn’t really know what the other was doing or what they were up to. I honestly think ten years has been great but we truly don’t need each other that much any way and so although painful, its probably the right thing to do.

Making friends as an adult is tough

{sisters} #PardonMyFro #freelancer #digitalart #blackgirlmagic #illustration #afroart #naturalsisters:

This post on friendship has been doing the rounds which got me thinking about friendships in general. I love this quote:

What I’ve been telling my daughter is this: Yes, pray for and hope for new and closer friendships. That’s a good thing to want. But also don’t be so idealistic that you don’t see the opportunities for friendship right in front of you. The person in your life that you least expect might end up the answer to your prayer.

It looks like taking the initiative when we’d rather wait to be invited. It looks like pursuing that person already in our life instead of waiting for someone who might not exist. It looks like looking out for who might need a friend more than me. It looks like keeping healthy boundaries when we feel particularly vulnerable about all this (I’m looking at you, social media).

It looks like continually keeping our eyes peeled for someone who fits our bill, but it looks even more like keeping partial solutions at the forefront of our mind when we desire companionship.

In turn this got me thinking about my friendships and I would like to reflect on this over a couple of posts.

Friendships can be tough sometimes

Image result for an african city

Source

Since leaving home, I have had two kinds of friendships. Those that require little maintenance and those that we have to continuously work on to maintain.

And that’s been fine.

For the most part.

However, something I struggle with is when to let go of a friendship. I find that I become consumed by the memories and the fact that we have experienced so much together and that it would be such a pity to let x be the reason that we part ways. When do you just leave and let be?

On Female Friendships

Source

I can easily name a handful and a half of women that I would do this with/to!!

Missing my gals (and cheers to discovering a new comic).

Gnovembers favourite things list

Currently listening to this album and loving it. A bit late but it’s been my work jam for some time now!

Recently read the following book: Review here.

Recently shopped at The Space in Rosebank. I love the shop, often has lovely clothes but of a larger size. Check it out!

Currently drinking Ginger Glace tea from Tea Merchants

Ginger Glace

I have enjoyed eating Tapas at Doppio Zero in Rosebank. My favourites, Chickpea fritters, fried haloumi, the calamari and chicken livers. Just yum and not too filling if you are having an early dinner.

I am ashamed that I watch the following reality shows but I so do love them:

Also, do reach out to a friend and enjoy the little moments. Life is too short and great friends are hard to come by so keep the few that you make

*All views my own

The four hundred and sixty eighth post

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I kind of alluded to it yesterday, about why I blog. However, this post was inspired by a conversation with a friend who said that she is thinking of shutting down her blog because the reason she started it is over and she basically doesn’t have new material.

Why do I blog?

Because I love to write and I love to share and save my thoughts in one place. I have always journalled but that runs into different books while this is a bit more static from year to year.

I think I have an interesting voice to add onto the blogosphere and share with some of my followers and readers.

I also read a lot of blogs and always get inspired from that to do and try and be a better blogger which I then like to try out or respond to on this platform.

More than that, I blog because it makes me happy. Very happy.

Why do you blog?

Source: April 17th Prompt

19: Stuff I like (to do)

  1. My faith and sometimes looking through my Bible and reading a section that in times past inspired or encouraged me
  2. Chatting with my sisters about ALL things under the starts
  3. Random Whatsapp/ Gchat conversations with a friend
  4. Pilates on Tuesday morning
  5. Getting into a book so much that you feel like you and the characters are one
  6. A hot cuppa at just the right time
  7. Catching up on blogs I love
  8. Music and Podcasts
  9. Browsing through a bookshop
  10. Cooking, baking or trying out a new recipe
  11. Yoghurt

What inspires you?

its not a nice feeling….

Stuff that I have come across today.

Why my dreads will itch for some time. Coupled with the fear that one of them will split in between and be SHORTER than the rest….can’t shake it off.

And then I discovered this/ her

I guess, its bad when lecturers cant muck on their undergraduate students, right? I don’t really mind, question was why was it allowed to begin with?

I really want to start a book club, then while trawling through stuff, I discovered this club. Now if only I drove a car, and could get there and out fast?

And that’s me in links….:-)

murder on the blogosphere

I dont want to name-and-shame the blog I have been reading the  last couple of weeks BUT…its about this 25 year old chick who has been married for the past year and how she and her pals are all getting married! so its hubby this, shower the other, friend this married this day and the other one married the other one…yuck,yuck,yuck..which made me wonder! has she no single friends who arent married and what must they feel like? (il just choke myself now/ il just jump off the ledge/ il puke on the marital bliss overdose)…eek! but what do my pals and i all have in common that makes those around us just want to choke themselves or us,whichever is painless??

BIG BROTHER STARTS ON SUNDAY…hallo no life,tra la la la:-D

Two in one day? Mhhhh….

its red,its sore,it hurts

I lost a very good friend of mine in the last half of last year under very O.C. cum One Tree Hill moves…. The honest truth is I wasn’t a very good friend and justify it as I might, I was in the wrong and while this is the totally wrongEST forum to do this on, I am horribly eaten up by the guilt of the circumstances leading up to and the choices I made, consciously and otherwise…. In your twenties there are already so many unknowns and unknowables that when you latch onto a good thing, you surely cling on for dear life and never let it go. I was fool enough to think when it all came to light, I would be tried and found not wanting….I committed the ultimate girlpal no-no and took the guys side and it will forever go with me to my six foot ending! Thing is, I really miss my pal and wish that things would just go back to how they were before(HOW?) but in my ideal little head, they somehow can! sigh,sigh…………..

when we change the variables that have always governed our lives, what have we got and how do we evaluate them? I’ve been thinking about the poem below by Robert Frost.

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;         5
 
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,         10
 
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.         15
 
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.         20
 

When all is said and done and He that judges our work, judges it, what shall He find about me and each one of us?

should i just keep chasing pavements

even if it leads me nowhere?  Anyway, I am thinking about the situation in Zim and Im just thinking, enyewe Lord, I can’t do this again and not more than four months ago? This is exactly what happened in Kenya not long after the elections and the resulting anxiety, the rumours, the lies, the division, the mistrust BUT most of all, the division of it all. No one ever wants war, no one ever finds it worth it to lose all that they have worked for and NO one wants to lose their loved ones ever and indeed Im not agitating for war- wouldnt want that on my worst enemy BUT Lord, we need you now more than ever. Lord we need you to come through for Africa. LORD we know you have a plan for us and one day shall we rise up and say that truly, truly you had us in your arms but help us (me) to remember this too coz at times, I feel bad that we are the butt of so many jokes,economic experiments and suggestions and social advice that is SO not good for us? I know that you are Jehovah who neither sleeps nor slumbers but Lord, where are you when this is happening? Lord, what can I do today to shikilia and keep the Faith. I trust you and I know that all things work for the Good of they who love the Lord who and are called according to His purpose. Lord, Africa is yours and I submit…

I read something that challenged me greatly or rather reminded me of something.  As Christians we at times find ourselves hiding under all these -isms and shoulds that don’t really help us and quite frankly have nought to do with the Way. How many of my close friends have fallen off the radar and under the banner of Love and eternal sunshine I have just looked and said silent,if at all, prayers. That doesnt cut it and I have this feeling of foreboding that when i make it to Heaven , the Lord will ask me what i did. How did I contribute to this and how did I try and reach out to them and draw them back to His path? As a leader, it became especially difficult to watch them slip away each of these dear Sheep and do jerk about it: I have term papers, the CATS next week, I have a coffee date cant be bothered, the minutes are due, i dont have their number….. a boyfriend, a nephew, a father, someone, anyone………needs me. Rather than the dear sheep.

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
( Nichole Nordman, Legacy)

Lord, Im sorry and help me to see when I go astray and when I look inward rather than to you the Centre and Sustainor of all.

Amen. Aso. Nii wega.