Tag Archives: choice

Sunday Reads

  1. Interesting read on how running a cartel is similar to a legit business.
  2. Another premie story that also broke my heart but is so well written.
  3. Well documented studies that argue for mindful eating and some common blinders to look out for.
  4. Grown up milkshakes anyone?
  5. How we can learn to be more frugal from the poor.
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Motherhood and on women being gatekeepers for “culture”

The otherness

A friend and reader reminded me of this article on a writer and her husband who both decided against having children and it reminded me of a conversation I had with a workmate. (Back story: We work together for the same company not the same projects and stuff like that and we have only ever had conversations around the coffee machine and stuff like that.)

So she found out I am married (how little she knows me, anyhu!) and then asked when I got married and whether I have kids so I say, nah. I am only a newly wed. So she asks again, no kids at all. I was like no. So I am smiling but she has this look of utter disgust on her face and tells me how women that don’t have kids are impatient and so selfish she is looking at me like she can’t even believe she is having to interact with one. And suddenly, all her earlier thoughts of me were usurped by this knew knowledge.

My Aha! moment is the fact that either being married or being married in Africa has meant that so many women (strangers and known, alike) are so invested in my womb.

Always the question, when did you get married gets followed by, when is the baby coming with a pointed look at my stomach. Very intrusive. I cope by giving lengthy timelines, to saying never, to talking about how we shall adopt dogs and the like. But I do get taken aback at the fact that this is a very sensitive topic because couples can fail to conceive for numerous reasons but such flippant questions could be hurtful and emotional for some other folk. More than that, is the fact that the concern is only with me and they don’t grill men half as much.

child-laughter

In the words of Janelle Monae “get off my womb”urrggh!

Choosing, choice, freedom, boundaries and all that jazz

Please read this, kind of long-ish post about choice and how cultures around the worl make decisions and then watch the talks below.

In response, this made me think of how I grew up with a very small sphere within which I could choose things because a lot of the boundaries were determined for me and all that was left for me was to choose within those limits. As an example, I had to study for two hours during the holidy afternoons between 2 and 4 rather than play with my friends outside, what I could choose though is whether to study Maths or English. My sisters and I had to pick one evening of the week to cook because my mom would not be cooking for us all anymore (she had the weekend to do that) so whatever day I selected, it had to be done.

I think about this particularly around parenting and how children today get involved in so many decisions and how it would be so much easier if the bigger-ish decisions were made for them and they were given a small sphere to operate within and as they grew up, reduce the bounds of decision and allow them the freedom to make their own decisions and serve more as an advisor or a sounding board. Too idealist, maybe so I shall see once I am a mom.

two times lucky

today i said all that i have been thinking silently about for almost a week now. today i let you know what i feel, but what, if anything, did it achieve?

next time

losing patience

not for too long

losing myself

day ONE

It seems that May is the month that I decide to do new things!  Five years ago I stopped eating red meat this month and this last Sunday I went and cut off my hair and dyed it copper red and just for kicks had them do a shaggy thing or other! I can’t remember the last time I had short hair but  it is very liberating and a key step to the new me…. Sometimes as an individual we(I) wish to make certain changes in our personal lives but so many things tend to hold us back and though we are miserable, we keep hearing what they  are saying rather than the quiet little voice within us. And for me, this is the ultimate whenever I hear of the life unlived!! Which leads me to wonder, what would I do if I didn’t have to seek the approval of anyone else and all that counted was my God and I?

Monday was Africa Day and just the weekend before that I caught myself wondering what it means for us 20-somethings to be African in this day and age? What does it mean for us as women? In addition to everything else that my parents have given me over the years, the thing that I am most grateful to them about is the fact that we were brought up in another nation and totally surrounded within the peoples culture which has given me a greater appreciation of what home is and what it means to live amidst “strange” friends and acquaintances! So enjoy being African, I mean what else would we want???

its red,its sore,it hurts

I lost a very good friend of mine in the last half of last year under very O.C. cum One Tree Hill moves…. The honest truth is I wasn’t a very good friend and justify it as I might, I was in the wrong and while this is the totally wrongEST forum to do this on, I am horribly eaten up by the guilt of the circumstances leading up to and the choices I made, consciously and otherwise…. In your twenties there are already so many unknowns and unknowables that when you latch onto a good thing, you surely cling on for dear life and never let it go. I was fool enough to think when it all came to light, I would be tried and found not wanting….I committed the ultimate girlpal no-no and took the guys side and it will forever go with me to my six foot ending! Thing is, I really miss my pal and wish that things would just go back to how they were before(HOW?) but in my ideal little head, they somehow can! sigh,sigh…………..

when we change the variables that have always governed our lives, what have we got and how do we evaluate them? I’ve been thinking about the poem below by Robert Frost.

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;         5
 
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,         10
 
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.         15
 
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.         20
 

When all is said and done and He that judges our work, judges it, what shall He find about me and each one of us?

Wanted

  • anyone who is reading this and wants to get me a gift for the season, my birthday or graduation then topping the list ought to be the Amazon Kindle thats just to die for.
  • I got this already and joy knoweth no bounds!
  • Pending on the list includes:
  • an NIV folding-carry-in-your-purse bible
  • a henna tattoo
  • blue bata bullets
  • a matching bra and panty set from that shop on Moi Avenue
  • a pedicure

and the list will get updated

happy new year

one of the few quotes in life that i have read and gone uh! was the one that in life we make choices and then they turn around and make us. of course thats its highly abridged version. the thing that first showed that enyewe im now an adult is when my folks begun to entrust me with a few decisions that i wholy and truly had to make on my own and darn the consequences really coz when things went bad, i had no one BUT me to blame for it all. sad times i tell you….

 i mean on the one hand, it was exhilarating that hey! im the captain of the ship and from henceforth, its me and me purely. a few agonizing moments later and last year i found myself wishing that my mom would take me on her lap and cuddle me really and take all the “biiiiiiiig” life decisions in life for me. like when i was twelve years old you know, why couldnt i have been twelve again? just last year at the height of growing up and the quarter life crisis that being 22 turned out to be.

 i KNOW for sho now that He will make straight all the valleys and smooth all the rocky areas of my life too so I can only hang onto Him and His promises to me that are yeah and amen! and beyond that is to act like the Pagans of olden times. its a new day for me and i only wish i could say to all and sundry whom i meet happy new year! i can see clearly now and finally hindsight is neither sad nor painful. only happy and refreshing…………..:-)