So I AM VERY loyal in a friendship but will once in a while call things to a head when they are just not working between a friend and I. So this is how I go about that whole process.
- Take time and think through the entire life of the friendship, the good, the bad and the ugly. Grieve even if you need to.
- Be honest about the issues that did not make you happy and why you can’t be in the friendship anymore.
- Decide if you want to ghost the friend or if you want to speak to them about it. My key determinant is always: is there a chance that you might make up later or is this the end of the friendship?
- If I am going to say something, I always email the friend because it gives them room to process without the added pressure of having to think or say something in response.
- If, and as it often happens, they are part of a bigger friendship group then I force myself to be mature enough that not everyone will feel as I do and that their friendship with others need not end because of me. However, I make it clear that my stuff will not and should not be shared with the ex-pal.
Have you ever ended a friendship? How did you do it and did you and the pal make up?
Posted in life, working
Tagged break-up, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, France Votes, Le Pen, life lessons, migration, Podcasts, Rachel Dolezal, recipes, relationships, slavery, working
- Quick lunch/snack recipe: Chickpea “tuna” salad
- Cooking with lentils & beans
- Don’t really like vegetarian burgers but these lentil meatballs sure look yum!
- This article made me realise why people do not share the names of their babys before birth, but clearly once they are born, the name is not safe either!!
- Pics of the beautiful Cape Town.
- Beautiful pics of the Festima Festival in Burkina Faso.
- Some non-traditional baby gift ideas.
- Breaking up is hard. Breaking up in the day of Facebook, is something else altogether.(NY Times Article)
- A better way to think of your to-do list.
- Get Tested. Be Faithful. Remain Faithful. Otherwise, always use protection.
- On buying friendship in Japan. Read this and thanked God for my genuine (free) friendships.
- This lady did what I always say to my single pals about putting themselves out there in order to meet a guy!
- Sad that the recently legalised Marijuana business in the states has a colour preference.
- How do you feel about motherhood?
Posted in design, Heart matters, life
Tagged AIDS, break-up, Burkina Faso, Cape Town, cooking, design, Facebook, friendship, gifts, Heart matters, Japan, life, lists, motherhood, parenthood, racism, recipes, relationship advice
A friend of mine recently split up with her boyfriend and this is not about the why and all that. It is about the etiquette surrounding break-ups. For instance in this case, he recently un-friended her and stopped following her on Facebook and Twitter respectively. Within hours of the actual break-up. And this got me to thinking, why so soon? But then, immediately after I asked myself that, it hit me, that there is no right or wrong answer and it does not matter when its done, whether immediately or days after. The other party will always feel slighted and it will always be open to being mis-read. So what then should you do? This got me to thinking of some dos and donts around this unfortunate part of life.
Don’t publicise it until one/both of you is ready to deal with it. Often at break-ups there is still some good feeling and great memories of the past and so whatever the circumstances that led to the final break-up does not totally write off the good past you had.
Don’t throw out the baby with the bath water. Who knows, you might go a day (hours, even), a week, months or sometimes, a year and never speak to each other and get over the angst and then after some time, find that you can overlook those differences and get back together. Even if you never get back together, you might need the other party at another point in your life and this might be to fulfill another role in your life, and then what? While its important to acknowledge your heart feelings, do contain yourself. Some.
Don’t bad-mouth the other to common pals and other people that you suspect might not know them. And then to top it off in such colourful and descriptive language that should they meet your ex, they can clearly put the facts to their face. (PS: It is a small world and with technology, a virtual village, they will meet and they will know each other). Tempting as it might be, don’t hound common friends with requests for information and make a total mess and bother of yourself and them.
Easier said than done, I guess….
This doesn’t answer the question, how soon after the split-up is it acceptable to take them off your friend or followers list?