Andy Shaw is a 28-year-old comedian from Pennsylvania who has been writing the WildARSChase blog for three years, now at http://andyshawcomedy.com. He loves 90s pop culture, is a vegetarian, and would love to travel the world if someone would be kind enough to loan him some money. He’s also on Twitter @wildarschase.
I’ve been a lot of things in my 20s.
* A college graduate
* A fiance
* An ex-fiance
* A new employee, twice
* An amateur, then a paid comedian
* A reality show blogger
* An uncle
But I’ve never been a father. Sure, some might count owning a puppy as being a dad, but since you can put a puppy in a cage and not a baby, I’ll assume it’s different.
Being a father is something many of my friends have experienced in their 20s. And by many, I mean all. Or at least it seems that way. Just recently, there was a rash of people I know announcing pregnancies – on Facebook, naturally – with the same frequency that a bank teller announced “Next customer in line.” It was like God was handing out pregnancies like free checking accounts.
I will assume one day I will get that life lesson of being a father. Hopefully, it’s when I’m ready and not when I say, “You’re HOW late?”
And when it’s time, I hope there’s a handbook. I mean, there is a daddy handbook right?
Because I have no idea how to fix plumbing or teach a kid to ride a bike or yell at my daughter’s boyfriend for keeping her past curfew. If there’s not a how-to book, then all these dad friends of mine must be really good at on-the-job training.
As much as people in their 20s think they know everything and have experienced everything, it’s so very far from the truth. The only truth is that it’s the first extended period of doing things on your own.
I can’t say anything really prepares you for being a parent, other than watching reality TV and thinking “OK, I’ll just do the opposite of all that.”
The strangest thought, though, is this: Our parents worried about the same exact thing. They had no idea what they were doing, and did it anyway (which may explain a few things).
So for now, I’ll ride out the twilight years of my 20s, wait until that stork arrives, and until then, pretend my puppy just broke curfew.