To …. or not?


Would you change your name after marriage?

Recently at work, we had a whole debate about the merits or demerits of changing your name after marriage. And the guys were all decided that it’s their culture and what their moms did and what they would expect. One guy said how she would only keep her maiden name if she took on full responsibility for the family (i.e. she became the primary breadwinner). Commonly heard was its culture, it’s expected, it’s what your mom did, it makes the family more uniform … Thing is, I don’t have any strong feeling either way but I do need further clarity on the African culture and what our fore mothers did way back when when names represented different cultures and people did not change their names willy nilly. But then, if I l take this stance, what about all the other more Western aspects of weddings and marriage? Like rings, white dresses and all that? And I guess is it OK to pick and choose those aspects of Westernized marriage that please us and then discard the others? Mhhh …

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One response to “To …. or not?

  1. I actually dont know. To drop or not to drop, to add or not to add, to hyphenate or not to … I actually dont know. I am not sure, on one hand, I have had my surname for so long, it defines who I am (who am I?) and just dropping it I wonder if that is just possible to ‘just’ drop it. Alot of people are just adding a hypen and the misters name at the end – while i am inclined to go this way, I wonder if for some of them it’s more for ‘show’ … anyway, just thinking aloud…the Bible says clearly ‘for this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife…” so we are making our new home and somehow there is a need to be known uniformly as one name…i think so maybe I should drop my name/adopt his …who knows…let me continue pondering…

    My name shows i am really my fathers daughter, nothing can ever take that away from me, now however, i am my friend’s (aka husband’s) wife so i should honor him and take his name for this reason…but do i drop my father’s just like that? decisions, decisions, decisions…

    EXACTLY, ITS NOT THAT EASY IS IT? AND WHAT’S THE HYPHEN ETIQUETTE? DO YOU ADD HIS NAME TO YOURS OR YOURS TO HIS? AND WHAT DOES IT SAY ABOUT HIM IF HE REQUIRES THIS KIND OF EXTERNAL VALIDATION. ON THE OTHER HAND, THERE IS THE FACT THAT THIS A NEW FAMILY THAT REQUIRES UNIFORMITY GOING FORWARD …

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