appropriately broken


A friend of mine recently split up with her boyfriend and  this is not about the why and all that. It is about the etiquette surrounding break-ups. For instance in this case,  he recently un-friended her and stopped following her on Facebook and Twitter respectively. Within hours of the actual break-up.  And this got me to thinking, why so soon? But then, immediately after I asked  myself that, it hit me, that there is no right or wrong answer and it does not matter when its done, whether immediately or days after. The other party will always feel slighted and it will always be open to being mis-read. So what then should you do? This got me to thinking of some dos and donts around this unfortunate part of life.

Don’t publicise it until one/both of you is ready to deal with it. Often at break-ups there is still some good feeling and great memories of the past and so whatever the circumstances that led to the final break-up does not totally write off the good past you had.

Don’t throw out the baby with the bath water. Who knows, you might go a day (hours, even), a week, months or sometimes, a year and never speak to each other and get over the angst and then after some time, find that you can overlook those differences and get back together. Even if you never get back together, you might need the other party at another point in your life and this might be to fulfill another role in your life, and then what? While its important to acknowledge your heart feelings, do contain yourself. Some.

Don’t bad-mouth the other to common pals and other people that you suspect might not  know them. And then to top it off in such colourful and descriptive language that should they meet your ex, they can clearly put the facts to their face. (PS: It is a small world and with technology, a virtual village, they will meet and they will know each other). Tempting as it might be, don’t hound common friends with requests for information and make a total mess and bother of yourself and them.

Easier said than done, I guess….

This doesn’t answer the question, how soon after the split-up is it acceptable to take them off your friend or followers list?

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2 responses to “appropriately broken

  1. I think it is prudent to cut off links but it may not be necessary to defriend each other, however, they are social networking sites and if u are no longer social then what’s the point. It may hurt if u see a wall post from a girl or guy and this just increases the feelings of resentment that may be or that may be bubbling under. Do immediately makes sense to me, less heartache! Besides, there is still the option of refriending when the pain subsides.

    I DRAW THE LINE AT REFRIENDING…..I’D SOONER KEEP YOU SO I CAN GAUGE MY “GETTING OVER YOU” BY MY REACTION TO YOUR WALL OR STUFF. BUT IF YOU TAKE ME OFF, WELL, THAT SPEAKS VOLUMES TOO!

  2. Yeah, I guess it is different for everyone. I always disconnect right away, as hard as it is, it is necessary.

    -Lucky

    I STRUGGLE, I HAVE TO DO IT IN LEVELS.

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