its red,its sore,it hurts


I lost a very good friend of mine in the last half of last year under very O.C. cum One Tree Hill moves…. The honest truth is I wasn’t a very good friend and justify it as I might, I was in the wrong and while this is the totally wrongEST forum to do this on, I am horribly eaten up by the guilt of the circumstances leading up to and the choices I made, consciously and otherwise…. In your twenties there are already so many unknowns and unknowables that when you latch onto a good thing, you surely cling on for dear life and never let it go. I was fool enough to think when it all came to light, I would be tried and found not wanting….I committed the ultimate girlpal no-no and took the guys side and it will forever go with me to my six foot ending! Thing is, I really miss my pal and wish that things would just go back to how they were before(HOW?) but in my ideal little head, they somehow can! sigh,sigh…………..

when we change the variables that have always governed our lives, what have we got and how do we evaluate them? I’ve been thinking about the poem below by Robert Frost.

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;         5
 
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,         10
 
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.         15
 
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.         20
 

When all is said and done and He that judges our work, judges it, what shall He find about me and each one of us?

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4 responses to “its red,its sore,it hurts

  1. I like what unique said, all you can do is reach out to the other person, and know that you did your best in trying to heal the relationship and also accept that the other person is entitled to acknowledge/accept or just totally ignore and move on

    I DID, IT WAS A BIG STRUGGLE BUT I LOOKED AT THE MAN IN THE MIRROR GOT HIM TO CHANGE AND DID WHAT I NEEDED TO DO AND IM NOW BETTER OFF…DANKIE

  2. yap its so real…and no one else can make it better for you…..thats the hardest part..it will either get better or easier with time..or a miracle will happen and sonn you will in tlking terms…for me am a cut and dry kinda person..when i make radical decisions i stick to them….then stick by them..but i hear you…in my last alabastron class we were talking about confrontation,forgiveness and closure…one of the major things was that if you want to confront..and not the aggressive combat way we think of the word…you have to ask yourself how important the relatoionship is to you..if it is really important to you then you decide to confront..and in this process it will mean you put your pride aside.the acronym SEED would be helpful.
    S-self.you start with your self..not with the other person or what they did..all you have to say is what you did, what it makes you feel or what you felt when the other person did or did not do sth.
    E-Edify…you edify the other person and yourself.You need to reassure the other person that your relationship is ok or you hope it to be ok..you need to raise up their good points and qualities and what that person means to you….as i said pride aside
    E-Express….your main goal is to express what you are feeling and not so much what was done.express the event and the effect it had on you without hammering on what the other person did wrong or what u did wrong.If possible but not a must express what you would like to see in the future in your relationship.There are no guarantees though that the other person will agree with you or reciprocate but stay on your main goal of expressing yourself
    D-Dignify…at the end of the communication your dignity and the other person’s dignity must be maintained.APPRECIATE THE EFFORT AND THE OPPORTUNITY ACCORDED TO YOU BY THE OTHER PERSON AND LEAVE BUT LEAVE WITH DIGNITY.
    anyhuuuu this is long and primarily it should be a verbal communication but it was also suggested that a written letter would be good or an email….yet incorporating the above….

    in your case this thing is really eating you up..so write an email…i mean whats pride…so the worst is that no response or a negative one..but you did ur part….maybe the above procedure maybe rubbish to you..but i think you need closure over the whole issue.my two cents worth

    I AGREE, ITS GONNA EAT ME UP FROM THE INSIDE! LEMME DO MY EXAM AND THEN IL WRITE FROM THE HEART! THANKS:-)

  3. I must say i thought you were talking about kijicho….:)

    I FORGET I LIVE WITH YOU….THATS WHAT I WAS THINKING OF BUT SI LAZIMA THEY ALL KNOW

  4. This post is just so real, i dont even know what to say. Unfortunately, i so know what you mean/feel (except the poem thats a total tululu)

    THANKS…POETRY IS A GOOD THING YOU KNOW

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