If this was three years from now ..


The funny thing with being in love or in like with someone is the fact that it is so easy to colour a bad picture and paint it all kinds of lovely. It’s also amazing how time can dull or blunt any memories – with time, it all fades. As the scales drop from mine eyes, I realize now that I’m seeing better.

Those were all signs and if I had looked more keenly, those were all decision points, forks in the road if you may that I once again chose to ignore. The things I told you in confidence and you later told others, these I thought were all nothing but in truth they were not.

I feel like I managed to exist a certain way, mingling with many people but somehow detached and letting no one fully in just letting some feel like they were at the doorstep. I think I’m morbidly private and maybe this was the lesson you needed to teach me but I feel let down and like I will never live down this error in judgment.

At times I think of all the things you told me in jest or in full seriousness and I can’t believe that this proud and strong Daughter of God and the Apple of His eye would let this happen to me. I think the tables will turn at some point and all I can ask is that you turn to the Lord and you are strong enough to take the tide and ride with it.

Its difficult now

The road is uphill

The choices in the past

all clear and certain

The way forward?

Lonely, unrelenting, windy

sad,unsure and NEW

so young, so many times

I have been here and now,

no more

.

 

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One response to “If this was three years from now ..

  1. Reblogged this on first hand accounts of a former homebody and commented:

    So this is almost 9 years later (where did time go?) and I am happy to say it did get better. I know who the “he” was in this case and I got over all of this. I got over this bump and met someone new with whom it was safe to open my heart to and develop in that safe relationship.

    So yes, it does get better.

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