this i know

At the beginning of the year a friend of mine made a comment about how this year will turn out to be especially challenging and how we are going to be forced to adapt to the many changes that would be coming our way. I thought to myself what? how absurd? what is she on about but I look back now and I am perplexed by my naivette. I have learnt a lot through the many changes that I have undergone this past year.

Two of my sisters left home this year and one of them I had never been separated from for longer than absolutely necessary and infact would supervise my homework and generally boss me around while I was growing up. Her departure shook me up quite badly!

I spent much of last year with a friend of mine who at the beginning it was really difficult to get to know BUT when we did,it was lovely. Somehow this year,it all went kaput and things just got awkward, at this point allow me to add that it was a girl like me so….. I tried for ages to get to the bottom of it and to see what I had done or the role I had played in it all and couldn’t see-what it came down to was the fact that at the beginning of the year I changed the group of people who I used to hang around with and I guess was the whole struggle with relevance and insecurity on both our parts. After many mean emails and awkward IMs, we now scarcely talk and when we do its painfully polite. I guess we can’t be Ms. Popularity all the time,yeah? Its funny the thing with poison-it disguises itself totally and you wouldn’t know unless you put it through the test or someone tells you about it!

I got two jobs earlier in the year but had to forfeit them because of my nationality and I tell you I have never felt such pain.It was the worst thing that I had to deal with this past year and to me opened the floodgates for all the other drama. Everyone would tell me how oh you will get another job and all that but you know what? i kinda want this one too you know? In hindsight, I am glad now because both would have been in a bank and what with the crazy schedule, I wouldnt have hacked to do leadership this year. And so I guess the WIll of the Lord be done now and this is what He will have me do at the moment! But that pain especially coz all my life I had gotten ALL that I had worked hard for. The correlation(?) was always positive between hard work and favourable results. But NOT so this time around!

I have discovered what it really means to be a leader, to lead and mentor other leaders. This has to do with my ministry in church and the fact that we meet once a month and the temperature and tone of the meeting is always cold and hostile YET the idea is that we all meet together and sharpen each other! We don’t and indeed shouldn’t have to pretend at all. Slowly I am reminded of what my initial call is and what I need to do and what my driving force really should be. This year I have done and tried so many things-some have backfired and others have gone quite well if I must say so myself! I put myself out there quite a bit and made friends with people who ordinarily I would NOT have given time of day! and the results have been lovely.

Most of all what i have learned and this i know for sure is that change is inevitable and that I must learn to deal with it all and take it all in my stride!


2 responses to “this i know

  1. isnt it already the end of the year- at least for me it is

  2. why r u writing as if its the end of the yr already?

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